Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 4:
A Monkey On Your Front

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Additional music this week is Stjepan Major by Peglica i Komandos.

Before we start, I wanna take a second to thank everyone for their five-star iTunes reviews. I’m talking to you LittleRaley, and you Scarbane. Special shout out to MiteyMights, DirectorSpy, you’re a wonderful person. leggd, go to Starbucks and tell them Tabletop Squadron says you deserve a macchiato. WesternShadow, thank you for your enthusiasm, and TheBrokenLegacy, may your dice ever roll triumphs.

If you’re keeping count that’s seven reviews. We only need three more to unlock super-secret art. It’s a lot of fun, and we’ll post it all over social media, so if you like us head on over there and tell the iTunes community. Maybe tell a friend. Once we hit this milestone we’ll come up with something else to bribe you into telling people about the show, so if you like content, review our show.

Anyway! On to the episode.

##

NICK: Hello, and welcome to Episode 4 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m your hosting game master, Nick. I’m gonna go around the table. Introduce yourselves and say who you are playing.

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I play Tink.

STEVEN: I’m not Hudson, I’m actually Steven, (distant laughter) and I play Sabos Niks.

LAURA: I’m also not Steven… Wow!

STEVEN: I Am Steven.

CAMERON: You’re not Hudson, either! (laughs)

HUDSON: Wow.

LAURA: And I’m also not Hudson.

STEVEN: Yeah, me neither.

HUDSON: Wooow.

LAURA: I’m definitely not Hudson.

STEVEN: Anyway!

CAMERON: Anyway. (giggling) I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma.

LAURA: I am also Cameron, though. (laughter) I’m not Steven or Hudson, but I am also Cameron.

STEVEN: I am in fact Cameron.

NICK: And now, let’s roll our Destiny points. I got it right. Oh yeah.

CAMERON: Good job. One dark side. Bad job.

STEVEN: Two light side.

CAMERON: Heyyy.

STEVEN: ‘Light’ side.

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

CAMERON: Yay.

LAURA: We did so well.

CAMERON: Four light side, two dark side.

NICK: Alright. When we last left off you all had been given a rare moment of privacy and relaxation in your garden shed, and—

STEVEN: Guest quarters.

NICK: –guest quarters, and had been bedding down for the evening. We’ll open it up there.

LAURA: Xianna immediately sees that it’s two bunk beds and yells out, (gasps) “Top bunk! I call the top bunk!”

STEVEN: “Which one?”

LAURA: “The… right side. Yes.”

CAMERON: I just go and climb on the top bunk on the left.

STEVEN: Aww.

HUDSON: I take the bottom bunk. That’s what I wanted anyway.

STEVEN: I take the bottom bunk, because that’s what’s left.

HUDSON: I’m a bit heavy.

CAMERON: I look around and I notice that there are no cameras or recording equipment or anything in here.

NICK: Mm-hmm. You passed that check.

LAURA: Xianna would like poke her head upside down and look at Tink. “Tink! Do you like being the bottom?” (laughter) And is like smiling, and just staring at him.

HUDSON: I kinda crumple up my face and I don’t respond.

LAURA: I like twist over and look at Sabos. “Sabos! Do you like being the bottom?”

STEVEN: “I am on the bottom.”

LAURA: “Do you like being on the bottom?”

STEVEN: “I mean, I’d prefer the top, but I’ll take bottom.”

(laughter)

LAURA: Xianna just keeps laughing, and sits back up, and is very proud of herself.

HUDSON: Sounds like he’ll take whatever he can get.

LAURA: She is very amused with this.

CAMERON: I’m sitting on the edge of the top bunk. I have my feet swinging very much in Sabos’s area, not purposely trying to hit him, but also since he’s on the bottom bunk there’s just not a lot of space there.

STEVEN: Not trying not to hit me either, though.

CAMERON: Not trying to hit you, but also not really caring if you choose to put your face in the way of my foot.

STEVEN: (laughs) Oh. Cool.

CAMERON: “So, Togrutan.”

STEVEN: “Nautolan.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Again. What is with you two?”

CAMERON: “He introduced himself as Togrutan, so I’m going with it.”

STEVEN: “I’m… Sabos.”

CAMERON: “Nope. You’re Togrutan. Why are you here?”

STEVEN: “Uh, well, I’m from a small outpost on Osaron, not the Togrutan home world.”

CAMERON: “Okay…”

LAURA: “But—“

STEVEN: “And uh, we want to, you know, we’re seeking to establish trade routes throughout the galaxy. We’re trying to be independent of the home world. Kinda the first Togrutans to branch out. I was told that if I were to, you know, help someone scratch their back they could scratch mine, if you will.”

CAMERON: “That does nothing to explain to me why you’re here.”

LAURA: “Yes. That makes no sense.”

CAMERON: “Who’s back were you trying to scratch?”

STEVEN: “Oh, you know, the Corellian.”

CAMERON: “The Corellian’s back?”

LAURA: “The Corellian?!”

STEVEN: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Did this Corellian have a name, or did you just see what they look like and just went with it?”

STEVEN: “Ehhh… Sako.”

CAMERON: “Ah, so Sako.”

STEVEN: “Sako.”

CAMERON: “Oh, so the one who was supposed to be with us?”

STEVEN: “Yes. That’s right. I was told if I do some of his bidding he might help me establish some routes between Osaron and Corellia.”

CAMERON: “Okay…”

STEVEN: “Yup.”

CAMERON: “So, we’ve seen your vast expertise at Astrogation and piloting.”

STEVEN: “Yes. Yes.”

CAMERON: “Do you have any actual skills?”

STEVEN: “While I am an expert at Astrogation and piloting, I like to think I am a skilled negotiator.”

CAMERON: “You like to think, or you are?”

STEVEN: “I’m a good pilot, aren’t I?”

CAMERON: “No.”

STEVEN: “I negotiate as well as I pilot.”

LAURA: “No…”

CAMERON: “Oh great.”

STEVEN: “Okay. Okay. Before—“

LAURA: “You should not talk when we meet people.”

STEVEN: “We didn’t hit the trees. Okay? That’s how my negotiating works.”

LAURA: “Did we not? We did.”

CAMERON: “That was not you. That was me!” (laughs)

STEVEN: “I astrogated that.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. You astrogated to the trees.”

STEVEN: “That’s right. I wanted to test your skills. Why are you here?”

CAMERON: “Because I was hired for a bounty hunter job, because I’m a bounty hunter, and I brought in my mark very quickly and efficiently.”

STEVEN: “So why are you still here?”

LAURA: “Because money!”

CAMERON: “Well, because I’m being paid for a job. I don’t know if you are. Sako might be getting paid for this job.”

STEVEN: “Someone’s getting paid.”

LAURA: “I do not think that someone is you, though.”

STEVEN: “I’m getting paid in trade routes.”

LAURA: “So no.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “That is not money.”

STEVEN: “And in credits.”

LAURA: “That is money. I do not think you are getting those credits, though.”

STEVEN: “Credits aren’t as important on Osaron.”

CAMERON: “Good, because I don’t think you’re getting any.”

LAURA: “Is it a trade based society?”

STEVEN: “It’s more of a hunter gatherer society.”

LAURA & CAMERON: “So, trade based?”

STEVEN: “We’re trying to make it into more of a modern world, almost like the home world.”

LAURA: “So then you want money.”

STEVEN: “Trade routes.”

CAMERON: “So wait, so you’re branching off from the home world to become a different group of Togrutans, and are trying to make it so that the current society more reflects the home world. So, why did you leave?”

STEVEN: “Uh, no. No.”

CAMERON: “That is what you said.”

STEVEN: “Well, there’s a lot of group think that goes on in the Togrutan culture. Us on our colony aren’t as, uh, groupy.”

LAURA: Xianna pops back down, like upside down, and looks at Tink and goes, “That is going nowhere, and I do not think he knows what he is talking about. What is your deal? You are big, and furry.”

HUDSON: “Well, now that I’ve gotten to know you a little bit… What do you wanna know? What do you mean my deal?”

STEVEN: “Top or bottom?”

LAURA: “Like, what is your deal?”

HUDSON: “Well, as a child—Err. How far back? How far back do we need to go here?”

(laughter)

CAMERON: I was born on a Tuesday!

LAURA: “Just like a general… What is your thing? Who do you like? What is—?”

HUDSON: “Well, if you haven’t noticed, my thing is slicing. I’m very, very good at it. That’s why I got picked up for the job. One of the best in the land, actually, in Corellia.”

LAURA: “Okie. Computers. Uh-huh.”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

LAURA: “Anything else?”

HUDSON: “Well, um… I did learn computers in an Empire run school one time, but you can’t really trust the Empire I found out, and so I ditched that. Since then I’ve just been kinda learning on my own, making my own way.”

LAURA: “Where is your home? You say Imperial, but…”

HUDSON: “So, I was on Mandalor as a child, but for the longest—”

LAURA: “You do not look Mandalorian.”

CAMERON: “They normally don’t have quite as much hair.”

LAURA: “Usually they are just humans.”

HUDSON: “Well, my parents were brought there as slaves, thank you very much, if you had to know…”

LAURA & CAMERON: “Oh…”

HUDSON: “…from their original home of Gigor, which is where my race is from, but then they got sent to Mandalor as slaves before they were freed by Duchess Satine. So, there’s my story.”

LAURA: “Cool. I was just curious.”

HUDSON: “What’s your deal?”

STEVEN: “Top.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “I steal things.

HUDSON: “You steal things?”

LAURA: “I am sneaky.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Also, how open are you to a threesome with the Zabrak? He seemed interested. I just want to make sure, you know, keep things open just in case.”

HUDSON: “Well…”

LAURA: “I do not think we will have to, but you know, in the off chance that this will make things easier or if things get weird.”

CAMERON: Karma rolls over so that her head’s now hanging over the bed and just kind of stares at Sabos uncomfortably, and all my head tails just kind of fall around.

STEVEN: I like clear my head tentacles and stare uncomfortably back.

CAMERON: I pull my head back up.

HUDSON: “There was this one time back in college, things just kind of got weird. I had a lot of wine… So, if things happen, they happen is what I say. I try to go with the flow, cautiously.”

LAURA: “Okie. Just checking. Again, I do not think it is going to happen. You know, just checking all the options.”

HUDSON: “Well, thank you for your communication?”

LAURA: “I mean… Okie.”

STEVEN: “It seems like everyone’s open to it here, so… (mumbles)”

CAMERON: “Wait, what?”

HUDSON: “No one even asked you.”

(laughter)

LAURA: “No one asked you, Sabos. No one asked you.”

STEVEN: “I didn’t mean me. I’m not in y’all’s bunk. I’m in this bunk.”

CAMERON: “Oh. Okay. So, everyone referred to that bunk?”

LAURA: “You are on that side of the room. This side is the cool bunk. You are the not cool bunk.”

STEVEN: “I’m an ambassador.”

LAURA: “No you are not.”

STEVEN: “I’m too good for that.”

LAURA: “I do not think you are an official ambassador.”

STEVEN: “Look at my badge.” I hold up the badge.

LAURA: “Does that say Sakos?”

STEVEN: “No. this says Sabos. This is the Osaron official—“ (laughter)

LAURA: Which one does it say?

NICK: It says Sabos on it. Describe your Osaron ambassador’s badge.

STEVEN: It has a picture of Osaron, so basically just a circle with an orange… an orange circle. (laughter) And it says Sabos Niks, and a picture of me with my thumb up, and under that it says Ambassador.

LAURA: “That looks fake.”

STEVEN: “It’s laminated.”

LAURA: “That looks more fake than the fake badges I make.”

STEVEN: “As I said, we don’t have many resources on Osaron.”

LAURA: “Also, why is there just an orange blob? That could be anything.”

STEVEN: “That’s Osaron.”

LAURA: “I mean, again, it could be anything. So it is fake?”

STEVEN: “No. this is the official ambassador badge of Osaron. I know, because I am the official ambassador.”

LAURA: “Mmm… If you say so.”

STEVEN: “If you can make a better badge…”

LAURA: “I mean, maybe.”

STEVEN: “We Togrutans on Osaron might have need for your services.”

LAURA: “I do not have a laminator machine with me.”

STEVEN: “We can work that out.”

##

NICK: So, as you continue to discuss for a few hours, the camera pulls back. The sun has set. You hear night life in the jungle. As the camera pulls away from the outpost you see patrols going around on the exterior, and there’s a side-wipe that goes across, and suddenly you’re zoomed back in on the outside of your guest quarters, and it’s daytime, early morning.

HUDSON: I yawn as I wake up.

STEVEN: I sit up ambassadorily.

NICK: There’s a brief shot of you all waking up, and then another wipe—maybe this one’s a star wipe, we’ll get ridiculous with it—and you are all geared up and walking into the square in the middle of Outpost 4. You see one of the off-road speeders that was on the expedition yesterday, and Mills, the large guy with dark, lanky hair and scars, is throwing some crates of supplies into a trunk on the back. The speeder, now that you get a closer look, it hovers but also has skids on the bottom for sudden changes like palm tree trunks and underbrush and things. It looks like it seats six people. It’s got three two-person benches and then a large crate strapped to the back that works as a trunk, and he’s putting stuff into that crate back there.

As you walk up he waves at you and says, “Good morning.”

CAMERON: “Good morning.”

STEVEN: “Howdy, Mills.”

LAURA: “Egh.”

HUDSON: “Morning.”

CAMERON: Xianna doesn’t do mornings?

LAURA: Xianna’s not a morning person. She’s still kind of half asleep, and she’s probably leaning against whoever is right next to her, and kind of doing the jerky ‘I am awake, I am awake.’

STEVEN: “Mills, do we happen to know the description of the men we’re looking for today?”

NICK: “Well, there’s a couple of them. Their names are Lira and Williams. One of them is a stormtrooper and the other one’s an officer.”

CAMERON: “Which one is the trooper?”

NICK: “Lira.”

HUDSON: “Are they in love?”

NICK: “I… I don’t care. My job is to go get them.”

HUDSON: “So you’ll be joining us?”

NICK: “Yeah. I’ll be your guide, I guess. I was supposed to keep an eye on you. Falx presumably trusts you, which makes no sense, but the money’s good, and this is a lot more comfortable than where we used to live with all those beasts about, so I’ll take you wherever you need to go, but it’s gonna probably be an hour or so before we’re ready to leave. The speeder’s still charging, so if there’s anything you need to take care of before you go, now would be the time.”

CAMERON: “Wonderful.”

HUDSON: “Bathroom break.”

LAURA: “We literally just left. Did you not go?”

HUDSON: “I have to go a lot when I first wake up.”

(laughter)

LAURA: ‘Okie.”

NICK: Mills is like, “No, no, no. Not, not here in the square. There’s a barracks bathroom over there.”

HUDSON: “Oh. Oh, okay.”

STEVEN: I turn around so I cannot be seen by Karma, and clean my weapon and prepare it.

NICK: Ew.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: Why…?

STEVEN: I was giving Karma crap about cleaning the bug guts.

NICK: Oh, your actual weapon. Ohh.

STEVEN: Yes.

CAMERON: His actual weapon. And now you’re really regretting not cleaning it yesterday.

LAURA: “Why do you–? You clean your weapons at night. Why are you do it right now?”

STEVEN: “I’m not cleaning my weapon. Damn it.” I run off.

LAURA: “Okie.”

CAMERON: Karma turns as she hears Xianna say this. (laughs)

NICK: As they all kinda scatter, Mills looks at Xianna and Karma who are still there and says “I’ve got basic supplies, but if you need anything specifically for the jungle there’s a quartermaster off the square over there,” and he points across the square.

CAMERON: “Fabulous.” I’m gonna go that way.

LAURA: “Thank you.” I go that way as well.

NICK: Okie-dokie. You see the building that he pointed out across the way, it looks like a very small shack on the other side of the square. Most of these buildings are probably between 500 and 1,000 square feet, so generally cabin sized. This one looks like an outhouse. As you come up to it, it’s another concrete building but it’s got one of the Star Wars doors on it, so it swooshes open and you see that it actually leads to just a staircase going down. The quartermaster is actually stationed in a basement dug into the ground.

As you go down the stairs, the walls are all dirt crisscrossed with durasteel beams to keep the area stable, and there’s a steel cage that takes up about two thirds of this basement with a bunch of crates of supplies behind it, and there’s a bored looking human behind a glass window. He’s bald with graying, short, cropped hair on the sides and eyes that bug out of his face. His belly presses against the desk in front of him. He makes eye contact with you but says nothing.

CAMERON: “Hey hun, do you have any vibro-swords?”

NICK: (reluctant and disinterested) “Yeah… but… Do you have an order issuing you a vibro-sword? They don’t just give those out.”

CAMERON: “No. I’m wanting to purchase one. We’re about to leave on an expedition for Falx.”

NICK: “Ugh. Vibro… Yeah. If you’re working for him, I guess I can explain the inventory later. Charge you… I don’t know, throw out a number. Normally I don’t have to do this. Uh, 750 credits?” The exact going rate of a vibro-sword.

CAMERON: Yeah. I was seeing if I had Negotiation, but I don’t yet. “Alright.”

NICK: You hand him ‘some credits,’ because Star Wars is super vague about what that looks like depending on what it is.

CAMERON: It’s like two and a half blocks of credits.

LAURA: Or maybe just one stick? I don’t know.

NICK: Gold bars, but sometimes they’re flash drives. Yeah, so you have a vibro-sword. It’s not super fancy, it’s got a tape grip on it, but it looks pretty much fresh out of the box, they just bought the cheapest functioning one that they could.

CAMERON: I go through the ones that they have and like slash with them and stuff to get the one that has the best feel.

NICK: Okay. They’re all identical, but one of them feels like it was wrapped a little bit better.

CAMERON: Cool. I take that one.

NICK: The guy behind the counter, after you’ve asked for the third one, is starting to look really annoyed. “Look, they’re all the same, just take one. I don’t know what you’re doing.”

CAMERON: The one that he hands me that time I do a more flashy slash with and go a little bit closer to him than I had been doing, so that he backs off.

NICK: Yeah. He shuts up, but also does not change his posture at all.

CAMERON: That’s fine. I just wanted him to stop talking.

LAURA: Xianna’s just gonna kinda smile and be like, “Do you have any grenades?”

NICK: “Uh, is this a military outpost? Yeah. What do you want?”

LAURA: “I know, but like… Do you just like give to me? I do not know the rules here. I’m sorry.”

NICK: “Just… they cost money. Just—“

LAURA: “I know they cost money, but you seemed confused about how much it costs with her.”

NICK: “No, I know things. I’m really good—I’m a good quartermaster. Yeah, we’ve got like all the grenades. Half these boxes are probably grenades. That’s why we’re underground. It’s not like I could die, or whatever.”

HUDSON: “I’d like two grenades, please.”

CAMERON: Tink says, walking in from the bathroom.

NICK: Oh, are you there now?

HUDSON: Yeah. Yeah, I’m done.

NICK: “Great, some weird albino Wookie.”

HUDSON: Whoa.”

LAURA: “Excuse me.”

HUDSON: “I’ll take THREE grenades.”

NICK: I don’t know how much grenades cost. How much do grenades cost?

LAURA: Uh, so I have knock-out grenades listed as 120, but that’s not a regular grenade.

NICK: We’ll just do 120, that’s fine. “So, it’s 120 a pop. I’m sure they all cost slightly different, but I don’t feel like looking it up, so either I’m giving you a good deal or I’m ripping you off. I’m not sure. Yeah. You want just like explode grenades?”

LAURA: “I want the exploding grenades.”

HUDSON: “Explode, please.”

NICK: “Okay. Wookie guy, here’s three.” He slides them across, you give him the money.

LAURA: “I want two please.”

NICK: “Okay. Here’s two. It’s fine. Whatever. Maybe I’ll even make sure the Empire gets this money back. Doesn’t matter.”

STEVEN: While they do that, I finally finish cleaning my weapon, go to Mills, ask where everyone is, and then join them in the outhouse.

NICK: Mills looks up from a panel he has open on the speeder, and he’s got a data pad plugged into it, and he’s running some diagnostics. “Why—You’re not with everyone else? What are you even… They’re that way. Go to the outhouse looking building. We’re leaving in like 20 minutes. I hope you get your stuff together.”

STEVEN: “Yeah.”

NICK: Okay. Then it cuts back to you walking down the stairs. So, grenades, and a sword, I’m sure you’re definitely gonna wanna use a sword against a kirstens beast. Yeah, that’s a great idea.

STEVEN: “Ooh, I’ll have one of those swords.”

NICK: “You want a sword?”

STEVEN: “What did she get?” I point to Karma.

CAMERON: I slash the sword threateningly at you.

STEVEN: “Yes. Yes.”

NICK: “Sure, 750 credits.”

STEVEN: “Hoo, that’s pretty steep.”

NICK: “Yeah it is.”

CAMERON: “That’s the going rate for a vibro-sword.”

STEVEN: I can negotiate here, so I’m gonna actually try to negotiate with him.

NICK: Okay.

STEVEN: I’d like a better price. I’m kind of aiming for 500, but if he wants to do better…

NICK: (chuckle) You’re aiming for 500? Okay.

STEVEN: yeah. I want just a better price.

HUDSON: Get triple triumphs and you got it for 200.

NICK: Okay. Roll your Negotiation against his Negotiation, which is a red and two purples.

STEVEN: Sure.

NICK: And also, you can have a black die because they’ve been irritating him this whole time.

STEVEN: Nah, I’ll just not do that, if that’s cool with you.

NICK: Is that one of your talents?

STEVEN: What?

CAMERON: No, he flipped a light side point to not have the black die.

NICK: Oh. That’s not what that does. You can upgrade one of your greens to a yellow.

STEVEN: Oh. Well, never mind then. We can just put that back, and I’ll see what my talents are. Let’s see… Streetsmarts or Knowledge, that’s not that. Fuck it. Black die.

NICK: If you flip one it’ll upgrade one of your greens to a yellow, or add a green if you have all yellows.

STEVEN: Nah.

LAURA: He’ll be fine.

NICK: Okay.

STEVEN: Or not.

CAMERON: Nope!

NICK: Oh wow.

STEVEN: That would be a fuck ton of—

CAMERON: Two threats.

STEVEN: Two threats, yeah, and nothing else that really happens.

NICK: “Look, so, I report to the Empire. I don’t have to do anything for you all.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I understand. I’m not an imperialist.”

NICK: “Yeah. It’s time for you to stop talking now, buddy. Uh, you can give me 1,000 credits for this vibro-sword, or you can all get out.”

STEVEN: “750 sounds great.”

NICK: “Nope. The price is 1,000 credits.”

LAURA: “Do not—“

STEVEN: “What? What?!”

LAURA: “Sabos, stop it.” Has he given the rest of us all our stuff already?

NICK: yeah. You guys already have your stuff.

LAURA: Okay. Xianna definitely has already put the grenades into her magical pockets and is like kind of backing up with Karma and Tink, being like, “We should go… We should go right now… Let’s go…”

CAMERON: I sheath my sword with a flourish, and just turn in a swing of head tails and walk back up the stairs.

NICK: So it’s just him and Sabos left.

STEVEN: “So, 1,000 is not gonna work.” (laughter)

NICK: “You know, it’s kind of weird that she didn’t have a sword, right?” He says, pointing at Karma as she leaves. “Because she’s obviously good with one, but she didn’t have one. Are you good with a sword?”

STEVEN: “No.”

NICK: “Okay. Why won’t 1,000 work? You broke?”

STEVEN: “Yeah.” (laughs)

NICK: “You smugglers never have any actual money, which is weird because you work in expensive stuff.”

STEVEN: “It’s a long trip out to Osaron.”

NICK: “Mm. You got anything worth trading?”

STEVEN: “That’s a curious question. Uh… Unless you’re interested in macro binoculars, I’m not entirely sure I got much for you.”

NICK: “How much money do you have?”

STEVEN: “750.”

(laughter)

NICK: “Oh. Well, I notice you’ve got an extra head tail. I’ll take that.”

STEVEN: “Not sure I’m willing to part with my extra head tail.”

NICK: “That’s pretty inconvenient for you, huh?”

STEVEN: “It certainly can be.”

NICK: “It’s weird having someone come into your personal space and immediately say that what is a part of you is not worth what you asked for, isn’t it?”

STEVEN: “Is the vibro-sword a part of you?”

NICK: “This is my inventory. I am the quartermaster.”

STEVEN: “Do you have any smaller cutting items, that might cost less?”

NICK: “I’ve got a vibro-knife, give to you for 200, and your macro binoculars.”

STEVEN: “Well, how about 250 and not the macro binoculars?”

NICK: “Yeah, okay. I was just trying to be mean at this point, but I want you to leave my thing now.”

STEVEN: “I’m cool with a knife.”

NICK: “Okay.”

STEVEN: “Alright.”

NICK: You can have a vibro-knife. I’m pretty sure I overcharged you like crazy for that, but whatever.

STEVEN: (laughing) That’ll work.

LAURA: Eh, they’re not cheap.

NICK: Yeah, well, or undercharged. This guy just wants him to go away. You have a vibro-knife. The stats are in the book.

CAMERON: The stats are right here.

NICK: And we’ll do a scene transition where they shake hands over the vibro-knife and the credits, and it zooms in on their hands, and it zooms out and everybody is in the speeder driving through the jungle.

##

NICK: Okay. You’re in the speeder. Did anybody volunteer to drive?

LAURA: No.

STEVEN: Oh, I—Yeah.

HUDSON: I should drive. Wait, is there only one speeder for all of us?

NICK: Yeah, it’s like a six-seater.

STEVEN: Oh yeah, I’m gonna drive.

LAURA: Xianna would’ve immediately called for a center seat, she wants a middle seat.

CAMERON: Are there? I thought it was three rows of two seats.

LAURA: Oh. I heard two rows of three seats. Which one is it?

NICK: It’s three rows of two seats.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

STEVEN: I have Piloting: Planetary. “I’m just really confident in my abilities.”

HUDSON: “Um, I’m gonna take this one after the whole tree incident.” So, I pilot.

STEVEN: “I do not concede.”

HUDSON: “We roll chance cubes to settle this.”

LAURA: Xianna takes both of the back seats.

HUDSON: “Do you need to borrow mine?”

CAMERON: Alright. Roll a force die. If it’s a light side then Tink drives, if it’s a dark side… (laughs)

STEVEN: Alright, let’s do it. Damn!

CAMERON: Tink drives.

HUDSON: Tink drives, light side!

NICK: And you owe him five credits. No, it’s just one light side. I thought it was two light side. Okay. You pull out chance cubes immediately with a glint in your eye and win the roll. You’re driving, Mills is in the seat next to you—

STEVEN: I sit in the passenger—No. No he’s not. (laughs)

NICK: So we flash back to a scene of Mills getting into the passenger seat and you laying a hand on his chest, with like ‘Excuse me.’

STEVEN: “Chance cube.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Okay. He’s like, “Fine. I’ll roll a chance cube. I’m a gambler.” Roll it.

STEVEN: Light, I sit there?

NICK: Yeah.

STEVEN: Okay. Damn it!

CAMERON: Dark side!

STEVEN: I get in the back seat.

NICK: Mills is like, “Fine, I’ll gamble. It’s fine. I’m just supposed to kind of help you guys figure out where to go. No big deal.” And you say, ‘Well, chance cubes,’ and without even turning from the driver’s seat Tink holds up a cube. You snatch it out of his hand, you roll it, and you immediately lose. Mills goes, “See,” and so he’s in the passenger’s seat.

In the second row there is actually one other person. It is an Imperial officer. He looks to be pretty young, like fresh, pretty nervous. He introduced himself as Spark Duelson. The camera zooms around, you’re all wearing the helicopter earphones with the microphones. “Oh boy. I sure am glad we’re out here in the jungle.”

LAURA: Wait. How old is he?!

NICK: (grinning) Like, 20-ish.

LAURA: Okay.

NICK: A young 20.

CAMERON: Xianna is 100% sitting next to him.

NICK: I don’t know why I did the Morty voice. Okay?

LAURA: Xianna got into the back seat at first, and her plan was to spread out, and then she realized there was someone sitting there.

CAMERON: Karma was climbing into the middle seat, saw him, and was like ‘…no,’ and got back down and stood next to Xianna until Xianna got in. (laughter)

LAURA: No, no, Xianna is in the back seat, but she’s in the back seat right behind him and is doing the like, elbows on the back of his chair, leaning forward, being like, “So…” (giggles)

NICK: Which is funny, too, because you’re all connected with microphones, so there’s no reason to do that.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

NICK: “Oh. Oh wow. That sure is exciting. I’m sure excited to go out on this mission. Oh geez.”

CAMERON: So, I get back in the middle seat.

NICK: Spark Duelson. He’s a petty officer. “I specialize in communications!”

(snickering)

STEVEN: “Do you?”

NICK: “Yeah!”

LAURA: “Oh. That is fascinating. Tell me more~”

NICK: He blushes. “Yeah. Well, the funny thing is hyperspace communication, you’d think the higher frequency would—“ and the camera pans out, but he keeps talking for quite a while.

LAURA: No, like straight up, can I make a Charm roll to see if he can just like keep talking and maybe say something he shouldn’t?

NICK: Sure. What a great idea.

LAURA: What would the difficulty be?

NICK: Easy, because he’s a turd, but two black dice because you are driving fast, and also he doesn’t know a whole lot.

LAURA: So then, how many? Two black?

NICK: Two black dice. One because you’re on a speeder, and the other because he doesn’t know that much useful stuff anyway.

LAURA: Two successes.

NICK: Oh. Yeah. “Well, you’d think the higher frequencies would be more important, but actually the low frequencies are more important, especially when we’re bypassing Imperial code to try to get our smuggling equipment out. … Oops.”

(laughter)

LAURA: Uh, where is Tink sitting?

CAMERON: Tink’s driving.

LAURA: Oh, Tink’s driving, so never mind. She does kind of look over at Karma and wink, and then just go, “Oh? Um, why would you say oops? I did not hear anything. I am just so interested in what you are saying.”

NICK: “Oh, that’s good, because if I let loose that the lower frequencies make it easier to bypass Imperial code so we could shed our smuggling equipment, that would be really bad. … Oops.”

LAURA: “Again, I do not understand. It is okay.”

NICK: “Maybe it’s like a nervous tick. I just say oops sometimes. I’m sure it won’t come up. Everything’s fine.”

LAURA: “It is so cute. Do not mind.”

NICK: “Oh, you think I’m cute?” He like clams up and blushes.

CAMERON: (laughing) Karma scoots over towards the wall a little bit more in their seat, kind of like ‘um…’

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: She’s feeling awkward, because he’s the same age as her sons, and she’s like, agh, I don’t wanna think about my kids doing this. I do not want my kids to meet Xianna. (laughter)

LAURA: Yeah. I mean, Xianna’s like 23 or 24.

CAMERON: Yeah, but you seem real dangerous. (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs) Oh yeah. It is not good.

NICK: You drive your speeder for about an hour into the jungle, and you come to a clearing, and there’s some obvious blaster marks on some of the surrounding trees, and like a fight has happened here. Mills signals for Tink to slow down and stop.

HUDSON: I slow down and stop.

NICK: Great. Mills hops out with a (grunts), action man noises, and he’s carrying his stripped down blaster. “This is where we lost track of the original party. We found two of them, but three of them are still missing besides the deserters.”

HUDSON: “Were the two found dead or alive?”

NICK: “They were pretty dead, but I can’t tell if they got shot first or chewed on by some of the local flora and fauna first. By the way, some of the plants also eat, because I said flora and fauna.”

STEVEN: (laughing) “You did say flora.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, the flora kind of freaked me out a little bit. Alright.”

HUDSON: “That’s a little bit scary.”

LAURA: “That is concerning.”

NICK: As he says that, you hear this weird creaking noise from a tree. He goes, “Not today!” And he shoots it twice, and the tree goes still. (laughter) “That’s right! That’s where these scars are from.” He points to some big, long ones down his chest.

LAURA: “A tree? Really?”

CAMERON: “Wow. Alright. Don’t touch trees.”

LAURA: “Okie. Yes. Do not touch the trees.”

NICK: “Basically, if it bleeds you can kill it, but it can also kill you…”

LAURA: “Do the trees—“

NICK: “And everything on this planet bleeds!”

LAURA: “Okie. I was just about to ask if the trees bleed.”

CAMERON: “So we’re shooting all the plants?”

NICK: “Except for the ones you don’t want to make angry. That tree had it coming.”

CAMERON: “Okay…” (laughs)

LAURA: I’m going to stand in the middle.

STEVEN: This makes sense.

NICK: “This is why I’m along. I was born and raised here on Unroola Dawn.”

CAMERON: “I am finding myself more and more grateful that you’re here, Mills.”

NICK: “Me too.” He looks confused for a second, and then goes back to surveying the scenery. “Well, you’re on this mission to try and find these deserters, so get to finding.” He sets up like a cover position on a tree stump and starts scanning the edges of the perimeter.

CAMERON: Could I do a Perception check?

NICK: Perception checks would be good. Survival would be better.

STEVEN: I was gonna roll a Survival.

CAMERON: Okay, you roll Survival.

LAURA: I don’t have Survival. I could try it, though.

HUDSON: I’m doing Perception.

STEVEN: How hard is this Survival check, Mister Master?

LAURA: Actually, I’ll do Perception.

NICK: Average.

LAURA: It’s not dark or anything, is it?

NICK: No. There’s a lot of undergrowth. Perception will be hard. Survival will be average. That’s three purples.

HUDSON: Three successes, two threats.

STEVEN: Two successes and a threat.

LAURA: (groans)

CAMERON: That was a Survival?

STEVEN: Yeah.

CAMERON: Alright. Here comes my Perception…

HUDSON: Xianna got a weird roll.

CAMERON: Hey! You got a Cam roll.

LAURA: Okay, so I rolled a Perception, and it’s definitely a Cam roll. It’s a triumph with the success cancelled out, and a threat.

CAMERON: Nope. I failed.

NICK: Any threats or anything?

CAMERON: Nope, just failures.

HUDSON: I had two successes and two threats.

NICK: Okay. With the successful Survival check by Sabos, you find a trail through some, they look like palms except when you look on the underside there’s a bunch of teeth hanging down, but they’re kind of bent back and broken, and there’s a tree with a blaster mark in it that doesn’t look like a ricochet, it looks like someone shot this tree, and you see a little trail of footsteps with a little bit of blood leading off, at about a 45 degree angle to the left, more west than the way you were driving but still the same general direction you guys were going.

With the successful Perception check, Tink, you see the same thing. You and Sabos are standing on the edge of the clearing pointing. ‘Okay, I see this,’ and he’s able to chime in with his survival skills of ‘you can tell from here that they were hurt, because they’re bleeding…’

LAURA & HUDSON: Ahhh.

HUDSON: Didn’t pick up on that.

LAURA: Uh-huh. Yeah?

NICK: Then, all of those threats kick in right about now. You hear a horrific screeching noise, and a bunch of what look like monkeys drop out of the trees straight down onto you. You look at about four of them. What they look like is capuchin monkeys, but with no legs or arms or tails, and where their tail would be is a hooked crab claw looking thing, and on their tummies are whole bunches of like millipede legs. You don’t get to see a very good look at that because they’re dropping at your faces.

LAURA: Agh!

NICK: This is where Xianna’s triumph kicks in, that she happens to be looking up, because she’s looking around like ‘I don’t see shit…’

LAURA: ‘That is not why I am here. I am here to steal things. The bounty hunter an survivalist person can look at trees.’

NICK: Yeah. You’re looking up, tapping your foot, and you see these things drop out of the sky, so you get a shot before a Vigilance roll.

LAURA: “Oh shit!” Yeah. I’m gonna pull out my gun and shoot them. Also, my gun has Quickdraw in it.

NICK: Nice. The gun has Quickdraw?

LAURA: Filed Frontsight, gives you the innate talent of Quickdraw but it does increase the difficulty of checks beyond short.

NICK: Okay. They’re medium. So, it doesn’t upgrade, it increases? So would that make it a hard shot?

LAURA: Increases difficulty of checks beyond short range by one.

NICK: So you get a shot off while they’re still at range, and then you’ll still get to roll initiative, so you might get another shot off before they actually land.

HUDSON: Is our first battle gonna be four monkeys?

NICK: Maybe. (laughs)

HUDSON: That’s great.

NICK: Hey man, don’t shit all over my encounters.

HUDSON: (laughs) No. I’m saying it’s great.

STEVEN: And they’re pretty tasty.

NICK: Good connection.

LAURA: One failure, three advantages.

NICK: Okay. You miss. How would you like to spend those advantages? You can give people blue dice, you can change the environment…

LAURA: I’m gonna give whoever shoots next a blue die, just by the fact that me shooting them lets everyone know where they are.

NICK: Yeah. I think that’s fair.

CAMERON: Amid you yelling ‘oh sheet!’

LAURA: I do yell ‘oh sheet!’ (giggles)

NICK: I need you all to roll Vigilance for me, please.

STEVEN: Oh, wonderful.

HUDSON: Oh great.

CAMERON: Two advantages for Karma.

HUDSON: One advantage.

LAURA: Two successes and one advantage.

STEVEN: Two advantages.

NICK: Wow, y’all are really bad. Could you roll me a yellow and a green for Mills, please?

CAMERON: Yup. Two successes and a triumph.

NICK: Okay. So, Mills is gonna go first.

LAURA: yeah!

STEVEN: Triumphs don’t include successes?

CAMERON: Yes they do.

STEVEN: Oh, they do?

CAMERON: A triumph includes a success, but not an advantage, because the triumph is the better advantage.

STEVEN: Oh, okay. Gotcha.

NICK: So, if you could go ahead and roll for me… his shooting is two greens and a yellow, and it’s an average check, but he gets a blue die for reasons.

CAMERON: That is, heh, five advantages.

HUDSON: Was that blue die from Laura or for other reasons?

NICK: The blue die: He hears ‘oh sheet,’ and immediately action rolls and lands in the middle, points up, and starts shooting. He sees that he’s not gonna be able to move his arms fast enough, but he’s so comfortable with the jungle and having been raised there his whole life, he immediately shoots down in a circle around him, and you realize his blaster is a fully automatic modified rifle.

He shoots, and it sprays a whole bunch of dead leaves and stuff into the air and makes a weird smoky screen thing where anything that might be trying to land on you wouldn’t be able to see as well. He’s going to spend all of his advantages on, the first round, any attack that they do is gonna have a black die. There’s four of them, and four of y’all, so that’s pretty good. That was Mills, being awesome, and he spits to the side and says, “I hate bug monkeys.”

CAMERON: “Oh, these are the cute things? What?”

LAURA: “These are not cute.”

NICK: It’s the next person’s turn.

LAURA: I had two successes and an advantage. Karma should use that first PC slot.

NICK: Okay. One PC slot.

CAMERON: Are they still at medium?

NICK: By now they’re at short range, so they’re probably five or six feet above your head at this point.

CAMERON: I’m gonna shoot ‘em.

LAURA: Shoot ‘em real good.

CAMERON: With my blaster. I’m gonna take the blue die from Xianna.

LAURA: Yes.

NICK: Do you want to aim? You could use a maneuver to aim.

CAMERON: Oh hey! I’ll use a maneuver to aim! Another blue die!

NICK: What a great idea. Let’s use the game.

CAMERON: (laughs) Oh right, we’re playing a game. Two successes, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. How much damage is that?

CAMERON: That is 11 damage. I shoot one of the bug monkeys for 11 damage. For my advantages, I want to shoot that monkey into one of its friends to knock it off course so it doesn’t land on someone.

NICK: Okay. It’ll have a black die on its attack, but it’s because its corpse fell into it.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: The bolt—You’re using military grade hardware here, so it basically turns into a donut of a bug monkey, and the shrapnel spins into another one and you hear (animal noise) and then it continues to fall in bullet time. Looks like it’s four, now three times NPC slots. The first one is going to fall directly onto Sabos’s face. Do you have defense of any kind?

STEVEN: No.

NICK: Alright. Can you roll me an average difficulty two green dice? Oh, with a black die because it can’t see very good.

CAMERON: A failure and three advantages.

NICK: Okay. It’ll use the advantages. They have some sort of weird sonar thing going on, so it misses but it begins chittering to one of its friends who is also landing right now on Tink’s face. Tink, do you have any defense or anything?

HUDSON: Mine shows blank, so I don’t think I do. I don’t know if I ever calculated it.

CAMERON: (laughs) So, no.

LAURA: You don’t, no, because you have no armor or anything.

NICK: Okay. The same thing, but with a black die, but also a blue die.

CAMERON: Failure, three advantages.

NICK: Okay. Well, it’s gonna use those three advantages to super boost the last one that is falling straight for Xianna. It’s the one that she missed the first time. It’s also the one that got hit with the shrapnel. So, two black dice, two blue dice.

CAMERON: Four failures and an advantage.

NICK: Wow. These things suck.

CAMERON: I roll so well. This is great.

NICK: Next time Hudson is rolling for the bad guys.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna’s also yelling, “No! Not my face!”

NICK: It comes flying down. The advantage is that you flinch away, because these things are kind of gross looking. You flinch away, it lands to the ground, but you’re kind of off balance if you try to shoot it so you’ll have a black die on your next attack, but it looks up at you and bears its teeth and hisses, and it has those same giant red bug eyes where you would expect cute, little monkey eyes to be.

LAURA: ‘Nooo!’

(laughter)

NICK: And its tail has that lobster claw thing on it, and it clicks at you a little bit. Now there are three more PC slots. Who would like to go next? These things are now on the ground, one bounced off of Sabos without really doing much, one bounced off of Tink, and the other one just went (falling noise), bump, on the ground away from Xianna.

STEVEN: I’ll shoot.

NICK: Okay. Sabos is gonna try and shoot one of these things. Does the full rifle have any negatives for close range? This thing is engaged with you—

LAURA & CAMERON: Awww!

NICK: Well, not engaged like you’re gonna get married. Oh boy.

LAURA: Tell us. How did it propose?

CAMERON: It tried to fall on his face.

STEVEN: It did. It dropped out of the sky on my face.

LAURA: Aww. It dropped down onto one knee and presented a ring.

CAMERON: Of teeth.

LAURA: With a beautiful jewel of Yavin on it. (giggles)

NICK: (weakly) It is at engaged range. That means, because you have your big, giant rifle, that it is +2 difficulty, so instead of an easy check it’s a hard check.

STEVEN: Sure.

NICK: yeah. Shoot that thing. Or, you could try to shoot one across the place from you, and those are at medium range. Across the clearing, that’s the word I was trying to use. That means the one that tried to kill you—

STEVEN: No, I’ll shoot the one close to me.

NICK: Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.

CAMERON: Do you wanna flip a light side point to upgrade?

STEVEN: Yeah. Can I upgrade one of my dice?

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Ooh, fancy.

(laughter)

STEVEN: Well, there’s a failure and an advantage.

NICK: You miss. This thing hisses at you. How would you like to spend your advantage?

STEVEN: It is pissed off at someone else.

NICK: I think that would take more than one advantage.

CAMERON: You can give the next person a blue die.

STEVEN: Yeah, let’s do that, or just like it slips in the leaves and shit.

NICK: I like that it slips in the leaves. You could give it a black die for that. It’s a little dazed. It’ll be harder to hit you.

CAMERON: Your shot fires up some leaves and they land on top of it.

STEVEN: That’ll work.

CAMERON: So now it has to dig its way out.

NICK: It’s covered in the leaves. You just see the pincer claw come up. It’s like the old vampire myths. It’s picking up one leaf at a time to set it aside.

LAURA: Oh god. It’s gotta count all the leaves now. (laughter)

NICK: Alright. On to whoever is going next.

HUDSON: I wanna go next, because I have a vibro-axe, so I was built for this type of battle.

NICK: Oh, yeah, okay.

CAMERON: (giggling) Against tiny monkeys.

HUDSON: Against tiny monkeys. The one that landed on me, where is that?

NICK: It’s just in the grass next to you scuttling around and missing.

HUDSON: I just try to go, whack, and hit it with my vibro-axe.

NICK: Makes sense. Your difficulty will be two purples.

HUDSON: A success.

NICK: How much damage does your vibro-axe do?

HUDSON: It does Brawn +3, and my Brawn is 3, so 6. Crit 2!

NICK: Well, you didn’t have a crit…

HUDSON: I know. I’m just letting you know. Laughs)

NICK: No, that’s good to know. Thank you. I appreciate that. You cut it cleanly in half and the two halves fall to the ground, and skitter off in separate directions, and then fall down and finish dying.

HUDSON: Ah. I didn’t know they work like that. That’s interesting to know.

CAMERON: Question. On melee, do you add the number of successes to your damage as well?

NICK: Yes.

CAMERON: Okay. So, it was actually one more damage than that, too.

NICK: Okay. That leaves Xianna left.

LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to aim at the one in front of me, and then shoot it.

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: Would it be short range by now?

NICK: Yeah. It missed so it’s not engaged with you, but it is short range.

LAURA: What is short range? Average?

CAMERON: Two, yeah.

LAURA: And then, what is my shooting… That would be five successes and one threat.

NICK: Wow. That does, what, 11 damage?

NICK: Yes, 11.

NICK: Dang I’m good. Yeah, it explodes in a puff of purply venom, with a small monkey ‘eep.’

LAURA: “Ew.”

NICK: Yeah. There’s like one little stream of smoke out of a crater from where the monkey used to be. It is gone. You shot it real good. Now we’re back to the top. Mills looks around and says, “I’ll make sure there’s not more of them,” and he goes running off into the jungle.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: “No. where are you going? There is still one here.” Xianna’s like pointing at the claw like, ‘No…’

NICK: You hear a tree creaking. He says, “Shut up, tree!” Pew pew, and then goes running off. That comes to a PC slot.

STEVEN: Uh, yeah…

NICK: … Okay. It’s the one by you. You gonna shoot him?

STEVEN: I’m gonna try to stab it with my vibro-knife.

NICK: Okay. (laughs) I’m so excited. The difficulty is two.

CAMERON: So, that’s Melee. Melee is always two.

NICK: Thank you rules expert.

CAMERON: You’re welcome!

STEVEN: Should I upgrade? I don’t know.

NICK: Ah-ha.

CAMERON: You should’ve upgraded.

LAURA: Yeah.

STEVEN: So, it’s a failure and two advantages.

NICK: I like this monkey thing so much. How would you like to spend your two advantages?

STEVEN: It’s buried again.

NICK: Okay. It’s more under the dirt.

STEVEN: (laughs) It’s really buried.

NICK: It’s going to spend its maneuver digging itself out of the dirt, I guess. It’ll still have a black die. It’s going to attack you, Sabos.

CAMERON: Alright Hudson, you have to roll this time for the monkey.

HUDSON: Oh, you’re right. What do I roll?

NICK: Two greens and two purples with one black die.

HUDSON: One success, two threats.

NICK: Yay!

STEVEN: Aww.

NICK: Good job, buddy!

HUDSON: Good die rolls.

(laughter)

NICK: Geez. That’s weird. You said one success and two threats? Here’s what happens. It finally jumps up out of this, you see from where it jumps that it’s actually in a two foot hole at this point because you keep burying it further. It latches onto your chest, and it opens its mouth and it does that really creepy unfolding thing, and some mandibles come out and sink into your chest. It does, with one success, 7 damage.

STEVEN: Oh, of course.

CAMERON: That hits your soak, so you take 3 wounds.

NICK: And it’s super excited, and it makes happy, gloating monkey noises.

STEVEN: “Ah!”

NICK: You all see this thing latch onto Sabos and stab him with its weird, monkey bug mouth.

LAURA: “Ah? That is not good.”

HUDSON: “Ooh. Ow.”

STEVEN: “Ow.”

NICK: While its head is sunk into his chest the claw tail is snipping at all of you. Click-click-click.

HUDSON: Who’s next?

CAMERON: So, next is a PC slot?

NICK: Yes, PC slot.

CAMERON: Okay. Karma looks at Sabos, and then looks down at her gun… and then is like ‘well, alright, let’s do this,’ and aims her blaster carbine at his face. (laughter)

NICK: Okay…

STEVEN: Yup.

NICK: Which is especially interesting since it’s on his chest.

STEVEN: Because a knife wouldn’t work.

NICK: She’s like, ‘it would be a mercy to put him down.’

CAMERON: (laughs) I’m aiming at the monkey.

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: Xianna’s looking at Karma, looks down at her gun, and then Xianna also looks over at Sabos, and is like, ‘oh no…’ (giggles)

CAMERON: (laughs) Okay. So, there’s no blue dice left or anything, right?

NICK: No.

CAMERON: I’m sure you’ll be fine.

STEVEN: Yep.

CAMERON: (laughing) I am gonna upgrade it so that I have less of a chance of shooting you on accident.

STEVEN: Yup. Yup.

CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine. See, look, you’re fine. One success.

(laughter)

NICK: Ooh, that was close.

LAURA: So close.

CAMERON: That’s 10 damage to the monkey.

NICK: Okay. You shoot him, shoot the monkey in the back of the head, and it splatters its guts onto Sabos’s chest, and falls to the ground. The force transfers into you a little bit. It knocks you back. It feels like you got punched by somebody who wasn’t trying to hurt you too bad.

STEVEN: Great.

NICK: But it was real scary, and the monkey is now dead at your feet. The bug monkey, that’s the race’s name, bug monkey, and by race I mean animal species because this is not a sentient creature.

CAMERON: From Sabos’s point of view, you just saw me look at you, look at my gun, and then kinda shrug and just raise my gun and point it at you no biggie.

STEVEN: Yup. Yup… Um…

CAMERON: So, you feel loved.

STEVEN: “I appreciate you getting the monkey off me.”

CAMERON: “You’re welcome. You should try shooting it next time.”

STEVEN: “I… Mm-hmm.”

HUDSON: I missed the opportunity to say ‘You got a monkey on your front!’ instead of on your back. That wouldn’t have been a good joke.

(laughter)

LAURA: “Is okay.”

NICK: So, Sabos is standing there and he’s got a big, purple splotch on his chest, and as you’re watching you see some red kind of seep out of two pretty good sized holes in his chest.

LAURA: “Do you have medical supplies for yourself?”

STEVEN: “Nah.”

LAURA: “No? (huffs) You owe me.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: She like rummages around in her pockets until she finds a stim pack and like walks up and just jabs it into his throat. You heal 5 wounds.

STEVEN: Oh. That should do it. (laughs)

NICK: So, the stim packs are just like pocket morphine and adrenaline. The bleeding kind of stops, because they have stuff for that, but there’s still some holes in your chest you’re able to bandage up, but you feel great.

LAURA: Well, you heal 5 wounds, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1, then they don’t work.

NICK: Yeah, they become less useful, so yay drugs.

LAURA: Yay! (laughs)

NICK: You’re able to kind of shrug it off. Mills comes charging back into the clearing, and he’s got like seven more of those monkey things in various states of exploded held by the tail. “Here, I got the rest of ‘em. They were trying to make an ambush. These things are wily suckers. So, if we scatter these around the clearing… We’ve been driving for not that long, but I think we probably need to set up. We can plan from here.” He sets about scattering all the monkey guts around the clearing. “That’ll keep the trees from coming after us for a while.”

STEVEN: (laughing) “I don’t believe the trees—How do they move?”

CAMERON: “Are the trees gonna go after the monkeys instead?”

NICK: “No. They just don’t like the smell, and it’ll keep the other monkeys away.”

CAMERON: (quietly) “The trees don’t like the smell?”

LAURA: Xianna is SO concerned at this point. She’s like, ‘The trees? What is this planet? What are we doing on here?’

NICK: Oh, I forgot to mention. Mills has a headband tied around his forehead, like a red long one, and like jungle camo paint on his face which he did not have two minutes ago. ‘I’ve seen some things in the jungle… SO, let’s make camp here for just a minute and come up with a plan—it looks like you guys saw something—and then we’ll move on.”

CAMERON: “Great…”

NICK: And that’s where we’ll end this week’s episode.

(all make dramatic noises)

(laughter)

CAMERON: Lovely.

STEVEN: Just like half a step off.

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.