Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 8:
Let’s Check Spacebook

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy, helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

I want to thank everyone who sent in one of our questionnaires about the show. Thank you for taking the time. We’re taking your feedback seriously to make the show better. Remember everyone, if we get to 20 iTunes reviews we’ll be releasing a flashback starring Karma and her twin boys. It was a blast to record and we wanna share it, to tell your friends to review the show.

Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy.

##

NICK: Hello everyone, and welcome to Episode 8 of Tabletop Squadron. We’re really getting into the swing of things now. Let’s go ahead and go around the table. Everybody say who you are, who you’re playing, and if you spent any experience what you spent that experience on… starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi internet. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink the Gigoran. I moved up two ranks in Astrogation and one rank in Coordination. I also got the Natural Programmer talent off the slicer tree that lets me reroll any one Computer or Astrogation check once per session.

NICK: Yay. For anyone wondering why he did that, he’s been hoarding experience for like three sessions.

HUDSON: In secret. It was the best kept secret.

NICK: Next we’ll go to… Cameron.

CAMERON: Hi. I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter. I spent some experience going up to rank two in Perception, and I also bought Toughened on my Skiptracer tree to add two to my wound threshold.

NICK: Yeah, after getting shot a bunch.

CAMERON: Apparently it’s important, yeah.

NICK: Yeah, makes sense. Next up we have… Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura. I play Xianna who is a Twi’lek smuggler, and I believe I bought a rank in Underworld. I forgot to mark it down, but I’m like 80% sure that’s what I bought with my points.

NICK: Alright. Book keeping, the best part of RPGs. And, last up is… Steven.

STEVEN: Hi, listeners of the network formally known as Arpanet. I’m Steven. I’m playing Sabos. What’s that face?

(laughter)

NICK: I don’t get that reference at all?

STEVEN: One person might.

LAURA: Because Hudson said welcome to the internet.

NICK & HUDSON: Oh.

LAURA: It used to be the Arpanet.

NICK: Oh man.

STEVEN: I used some of my experience to purchase the Master Starhopper trait on my fringer talent tree which allows me to once per round suffer two strain to decrease the difficulty of the Astrogation check by one to a minimum of one black die.

NICK: Oh, neat.

CAMERON: Useful.

NICK: Oh gosh, you can set it to zero.

STEVEN: Yup.

HUDSON: The real question is who’s better at Astrogation. Me?

STEVEN: Probably you. I have two. I can upgrade sometime.

CAMERON: You’re smarter though, Tink.

HUDSON: I’m smarter, though.

NICK: So y’all would just be the Astrogation Bros. it’ll be fine.

CAMERON: #AstrogationBros.

NICK: #AstrogationBros…

HUDSON: We’ll know our three fans by someone actually tagging that on Twitter.

NICK: Yeah. Hi Ted, our one international fan that we talked to last time. #AstrogationBros.

So, before we get into the show, let’s go ahead and make our Destiny Rolls, please.

LAURA: One light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: One light side.

STEVEN: One light side.

LAURA & CAMERON: Yay!

CAMERON: So three light side, one dark side.

NICK: Great. Last time, you went to a secret asteroid base in the middle of nowhere, you found Quiggle the Quarren and made an exchange for Falx. He gave you a briefcase to give to them, and it didn’t go great. You ended up killing pretty much everyone except for Tiny, your small gun-toting friend. You were also contacted by Sentinel and told kind of what you’re supposed to do next, that you’re supposed to go to Ithor, and that you’re supposed to get down to the planet, and that there’s a very strong blockade with a super star destroyer involved. You’re gonna have to figure out how to get around that, and then you promptly ignored him to go on an adventure to an asteroid belt. I’m sure that won’t come up. That’s great. Am I forgetting anything?

STEVEN: I’m super dead.

CAMERON: (laughs) Yeah.

NICK: Oh yeah, and Sabos got shot a whole bunch, and is very dead. I believe you’re at what, negative seven? So, yeah, we’re gonna have to deal with that. And the last thing that happened was Tiny surrendered and said he was gonna be the captain of Quiggle’s Crew from now on, and that’s where we ended. Picking up right there.

You are in a wide, open space in the middle of a hollowed out asteroid and there is the corpse of Quiggle and his large Gamorrean who is also dead. Tiny has been wounded quite severely. There is an oil drum fire with some fold-up camp chairs around it, and your ship is probably about a hundred yards behind you, and their ship is somewhere off in the dark. You haven’t actually seen it yet. Ready, set, go.

LAURA: I wanna go check the bodies. For fun items.

NICK: I will need a Skullduggery check to pat them down.

LAURA: Can do!

NICK: It’s going to be a hard difficulty, because these are smugglers.

LAURA: That is one triumph with its success, and an advantage.

NICK: Pretty good. I can tell you that Quiggle has a pretty nice light blaster. It’s nothing particularly fancy, it just looks like it’s got pretty plating all over it. It has a water theme. There’s lots of bubbles up the sides.

LAURA: Ooh.

NICK: Yeah. The Gamorrean has a vibro-axe, it’s a standard vibro-axe. With the triumph, tell me two things that you really want them to have.

LAURA: Stim packs and impact.

NICK: Yep, sounds about good.

LAURA: All the packs.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Yeah, so this makes sense. The Gamorrean has a set of six stim packs in a pouch on his belt. It’s one of those unrolly artist kits, so you undo the cloth tie, it falls open, and there’s just a line of syringes.

LAURA: Fancy~

NICK: Quiggle has a little snuff box. It’s a really pretty chrome plated one, and it has a little electronic reader on it, but it looks like when he fell it opened. In the snuff box there’s four doses of impact in little individual vials, and you also see that it’s got a little thumbprint reader on the snuff box, and from the inside, with your triumph, you see that you can reprogram it to open only for you.

LAURA: Oh yes.

NICK: It would make it so that if someone say found your stash, they wouldn’t be able to tell what your stash was or get into it right away. So, you have a little thumbprint reader snuff box that can hold four doses of impact in it. Actually, it can hold eight doses of impact. It looks like Quiggle’s been partying lately.

LAURA: Okay good, because I already had some.

NICK: Yeah, so it can hold a decent amount. That’s what you find on the bodies. What else does anybody want to do?

CAMERON: Karma’s going to drop down next to Tiny and start applying pressure to one of his wounds.

NICK: He is bleeding. It doesn’t look like he’s gushing blood. He’ll probably be okay, but he appreciates the medical assistance. Would you like to make me a Medicine check?

CAMERON: Sure!

NICK: It is average, because he is not unconscious.

CAMERON: Okay, that’s three successes!

NICK: Three successes! So he gets three wounds back. That actually—You’re able to stop all the bleeding, get him patched up, he is by no means in fighting shape but he is not going to go septic or anything.

CAMERON: Yay.

NICK: Good work. Why would Karma know how to do like field medicine? Tell me about a time that happened.

CAMERON: So, when she’s most often used it is when she’s going after a mark and there’s another bounty hunter going after the same mark. With Felton Mox in the first episode where he got shot by the other bounty hunter, it’s either that situation or the other bounty hunter is like I don’t care, I’d rather get them both dead than have her take him in alive, so the mark will get damaged. It’s keeping the mark alive until we get to the drop point.

NICK: Right. So, very business-like, not really paying attention to people’s comfort so much.

CAMERON: Yep. But then also, she was paired up with her sons. She’s probably being nicer to Tiny then she would be to just a random person she was bringing in, because he’s tugging heartstrings by just being young.

NICK: Right. When you were going on missions with your sons was one of them more of a medical specialist?

CAMERON: Yes.

NICK: Since clearly you weren’t super trained in it.

CAMERON: Yes. My son Jet is much smarter than me.

NICK: Oh, okay, so he was the medic guy. Okay, cool. Tiny gets patched up. “Well, th-thanks. I’m gonna leave, because honestly it’s a little bit more jarring than I expected to see you patting through the pockets of my dead friends.” He’s just kinda staring at Xianna.

LAURA: “Um, sorry, but you know… They did shoot at us, and they are dead…”

NICK: “Yeah, it’s the space pirate code, I understand. It’s just having a little bit more of an emotional impact than I expected. I’m gonna go back to the Quarren Quagmire and take off. I’ll have to meet up with the rest of the crew, and… I guess figure out what we’re doing. But I’m the captain now, right?” He gives a weak smile.

CAMERON: “Since you’re the captain now, do you want his tri-cornered hat?”

NICK: “Oh, yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He goes and picks it up and it’s dripping with blood a little bit, so he has to wring it out and it’s kind of misshapen. He kinda pats it back into shape and puts it onto his head. “Well, I think it’s sort of a work in process,” and he wipes some charred ash off of it, “but it is important, so thanks for the advice there.” A little rivulet of blood runs down his temple dripping out of the hat. He wipes it off and it leaves a smear on his face. “So, yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess. Yeah, this is, this is…” He looks at Quiggle and gulps. “Yeah, this is awesome. Thanks for, whatever, not killing me. That’s important. I’m gonna go now. Byeee.”

HUDSON: “You’re welcome.”

NICK: He does finger guns at Tink and backs cautiously into the shadows.

CAMERON: Oh, karma walks after him, and starts sharing life advice, and shares contact information.

NICK: You’re gonna have to give me some actual life advice. You don’t get to just make a \broad statement\ like that.

CAMERON: Oh damn! Uh, let’s see. Not getting shot is a good one. Getting cover, I noticed he didn’t get that.

NICK: “Okay so, take cover… Well, so, I figured like the auto-turret was gonna be a lot more helpful, but…”

CAMERON: “Maybe next time though if you set up the auto-turret so it’s in front of one of the barrels, and you can be behind the barrel, just to kind of block you, because if you have the situation again where you throw the target and it doesn’t hit then it kind of leaves you open as you’re then the one with the big gun.”

NICK: “Yeah, that makes sense.” You guys are walking through the shadows, and probably 50 yards away around a small corner, in like an actual parking spot instead of the middle of the thing, you see an angular freighter. It looks like some form of YT but like a weird off-brand one. It’s kind of shaped like a croissant. So, he’s walking towards that. “Well, yeah I guess cover would be a good idea. Duly noted. Thank you for that.”

CAMERON: “Yep. I really hope you achieve your hopes and dreams.”

NICK: “Thanks That’s… This got a little weird. Uh, thanks for not shooting me. You almost did. I could see you thinking about it, so… I guess we’re friends now. Cool. I… If you ever need anything, call on Quiggle’s Crew—or I guess it’s Tiny’s Crew now.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, are you gonna rename that?”

NICK: “Yeah, Tiny’s… Tiny’s Terrible… Tallahassee… that’s not a thing.”

CAMERON: “Tango!”

NICK: “Tango?”

CAMERON: “Tiny’s Terrible Tallahassee Tango!”

NICK: “Oh gosh. What’s a Tallahassee?”

CAMERON: (laughs) “I don’t know. You said it.”

NICK: “Mmm…”

CAMERON: “I thought it had some sort of significance for you for you to have said it.”

NICK: “Yeah, it’s my mom’s name. I forgot.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay. So that makes sense.”

NICK: “I think I’ve lost more blood than I thought I did.”

CAMERON: “Okay, so you can call your ship the Tallahassee after your mom, I guess.”

NICK: “…Yeah.”

CAMERON: “That seems really sweet.”

NICK: “Yeah… I think it might be the Tallahassee Quagmire. We gotta remember our roots.”

CAMERON: “True, true.”

NICK: At this point he’s hitting a panel on the croissant-shaped ship and the ramp is dropping down. He starts to limp up. From the inside you can see a very large Wookie kind of leaning down on the ramp and it makes a Wookie noise. (low groan)

CAMERON: Hahaha!

NICK: (smiling) I can’t do that. You can see Tiny turn around and say, “It’s a really long story. I’ll explain on the way out of here.” And there’s more Wookie noises. (low groan)

CAMERON: (Chewbacca sounds)

NICK: Oh, that’s way better. Do it again.

CAMERON: (Chewbacca noises)

NICK: Yeah, that’s good. “No, it’s fine. I… Look. He fell behind. You know the pirate’s code.” The ship stars to go (rushing and clicking noises), and you hear the engine start to cycle up. Great.

CAMERON: I walk back.

NICK: Cool. Sabos is bleeding out on the ground.

CAMERON: Sabos is still laying there! (laughs)

HUDSON: “Should we do something about him?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Hey Tink, come here.”

HUDSON: I come over.

NICK: Okay. Are you gonna take him back to the ship, or just work on him out in the open?

CAMERON: Let’s go back to the ship.

HUDSON: I pick him up.

LAURA: “I think we need to make up some lost time.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. We can fix him on our way to Ithor.”

HUDSON: “You got it.” I carry him to the ship, and then get in the cockpit.

STEVEN: (distant coughing noises)

CAMERON: Yup. (laughs)

NICK: Okay. We get a side wipe, and we get like two side by side screens. We get one of somebody piloting, which I guess would be Karma probably.

CAMERON: So, Karma would probably have Tink help with the Astrogation check and then would take over piloting.

NICK: Right. We’ll skip the Astrogation part, because it’ll make the story better. So, it’s you flipping switches and starting to take off, and then it’s still a bedroom, like a weird 70s sheik hotel room, but the bed is not a water bed and has just plain white sheets on it, and it has like a linoleum floor, so you guys have used this as your kind of medical suite. We see Sabos laid out on the bed. You got a big slash across your chest from where you got hit, and some blaster bolt wounds, and you’re shirtless. Is Sabos in good shape?

STEVEN: Yeah.

NICK: Yeah? So you got that Hollywood shot of the injured, but still very attractive, torso. Just the torso, your head’s cut off of it. (laughter) Oh, and then you hear Tink rummaging around, and a single head tail falls into the frame off the side of the bed, and jiggles a little bit, because it has to be gross because it’s Sabos. So, the camera pans out and we see Sabos on the bed. Is Xianna helping with the medicine stuff, or did she just leave Tink to it?

LAURA: Xianna like has a drink and is sitting on a night table next to the bed, and is watching, and is just… She’s not really helping. She doesn’t really know too many medical things, which is why she tends to carry stim packs, and she’s just hoping she doesn’t have to use one on Sabos.

NICK: Okay. We’re gonna cut real quick to a weird, hazy dream sequence. Sabos is having a flashback while he is unconscious.

LAURA: Ooh, ooh! Xianna wants to be the scarecrow. (laughter) And Tink can be the cowardly lion, and then I guess…

CAMERON: I’d be the tin man.

NICK: I feel like Karma’s probably Dorothy.

(laughter)

CAMERON: Sabos is the scarecrow!

LAURA: Sabos is the scarecrow in his own dream sequence!

STEVEN: This is my story.

CAMERON: Yeah, exactly. If you wanna be the scarecrow, you can be the scarecrow.

NICK: So, it actually is probably more like plot and character relevant than this bit that we’re doing right now, but—

LAURA: Oh, so he’s the dog. He’s Toto.

NICK: Sabos, what is going on in this flashback of yours? What does your ‘I’m injured and dying’ dream sequence look like?

STEVEN: So, I wake up in a hut on Shili, and well, you know there’s the rest of the schoolkids, the nice Shilian schoolkids, and then the concerned parents—not my parents, just the concerned Shilian schoolkid parents—looking over me saying, “You better wake up. You’ll be alright. We need you to wake up.” As it turns out, I mean, there’s another schoolkid next to me. Just don’t know what happened, right.

(distant giggling)

So, yeah, you know, pack instincts are very important in Togruta culture, so we were practicing our packing, which would be fighting other Togrutas because yeah Shili, and you know it got a little bit too real and I got pretty beat up. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with the pack instinct culture on Shili.

NICK: Cool. So, we see you as I guess a small seven year old Sabos. You always kind of punched people?

STEVEN: Yeah, yeah.

NICK: Never really got along. That was the beginning of you deciding that maybe this pack instinct wasn’t the way to go, when you were practicing fighting and got knocked out, and also knocked out the other kid.

STEVEN: Yes. I got knocked out harder.

CAMERON: That fourth head tail just flew and just smacked him on his way down.

STEVEN: To be clear, he was okay.

NICK: Well, that’s what happened. He got a head injury and it caused the fourth head tail to grow.

STEVEN: Ohhh.

LAURA: Whoaaa.

STEVEN: The other kid was okay. He was just a little bit dazed and confused, but I got my ass kicked pretty darn hard, and wasn’t cool with it.

NICK: And then, because this is like a post-traumatic flashback, the camera pans out and there’s just like a Quentin Tarantino amount of blood everywhere.

STEVEN: Just like a kid on top of me beating the living crap out of my fourth head tail specifically. (laughter) They didn’t like me—They picked on me in all the reindeer games. Okay?

LAURA: Sabos used to have five head tails…

(laughter)

NICK: Oh, please no… Yeah, so the camera pans out. There’s a ton of blood. The older adult Togrutans grow long fangs and smoke starts to go everywhere, and the camera jump cuts back out to Tink standing over this compatriot of yours who is not bleeding so much anymore, but you’re pretty sure it’s because they’re running out of blood to fall out.

HUDSON: “You got blood all over the nice sheets.”

(laughter)

LAURA: “He cannot hear you.”

HUDSON: “Oh, no. I’m just saying this to him anyway.”

LAURA: “Okie. Are you going to, you know, heal him?”

HUDSON: I think on my medical experience… Non-existent. “Sure. I’ll heal him.”

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah, but you’re smart. You can figure it out.

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m smart. I can figure it out. “It’s basically mechanics, right?”

LAURA: “Sure.”

CAMERON: You hear over the com, “Just picture the body as a machine.”

HUDSON: “Great. Alright, get my toolbox.”

NICK: So, a Medical check for someone who is unconscious is going to be hard difficulty.

STEVEN: Like the fourth head tail.

LAURA: You don’t have Medicine, so it’s just gonna be your Intelligence.

NICK: It’s an Intelligence check. You can flip light side points to make yourself better at this. You can explain why you deserve blue dice.

HUDSON: “I deserve blue dice because I’m Being Brave.” (laughter)

LAURA: Xianna’s like flipping through data pads. “Ooh, that muscle connects to this one,” and like holding up the data pad a little bit. “Okie, so this is how you do it, I think.”

CAMERON: We’re using Technology to assist.

NICK: Okay. The camera’s definitely gonna go over Xianna’s shoulder and this “medical text” that she’s looking at looks a lot like Ikea assembly instructions. It’s just like very cartoony pictures, and in a box on the side there’s a scalpel, and then like an arrow going to the wound with like an X over it.

LAURA: They don’t have scalpels in Star Wars!

NICK: It’s like a space scalpel.

LAURA: It’s those little sticks that just shoot lasers.

NICK: … Oh yeah.

CAMERON: It’s a little baby laser stick.

NICK: It’s like a light saber scalpel.

LAURA & CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: It seals as it cuts, because that’s what you want a scalpel to do.

LAURA: I mean, maybe.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: So, you can get a blue die from Xianna sort of helping.

HUDSON: Yay.

NICK: Yeah, go for it.

HUDSON: Alright.

NICK: Wow, that’s pretty good.

HUDSON: Is it just one success?

CAMERON: Yes…

NICK: Oh, then it’s not very good.

LAURA & CAMERON: One success.

NICK: Okay. You manage to stabilize him. You start using medical supplies, and then half way through you pull out a wrench because you’re more comfortable with it and just start using that to like apply pressure to things, and for some reason it kind of works. So, you’re at negative six now.

STEVEN: Yes.

CAMERON: (laughing nervously) You’re getting there.

LAURA: Xianna just like sees him pulling out the wrench, sighs, walks over and like digs through her pockets, and just shoots him up with two stim packs.

NICK: Okay. So that gets you up to…

LAURA: The first one would be five, the second one would then be four.

NICK: So you’re at three. You’re positive. You wake up.

STEVEN: (gasps and coughs) “Shili…”

LAURA: “You owe me two stim packs!”

STEVEN: “Only two?”

NICK: Three now, right?

LAURA: “No, three! I forgot about the first one.”

STEVEN: “Two stim packs.”

HUDSON: “You owe me your life.”

LAURA: “Three stim packs.”

STEVEN: “Two stim packs.”

LAURA: “Mm… Close enough.”

NICK: So, Sabos is still in pretty bad shape.

STEVEN: “Where are we?”

NICK: I’ll say because it was a hard difficulty your critical wound was also fixed. That’s mostly what Tink was doing. You had a pretty nasty head wound, and maybe a piece of bone kind of out of place in your skull, like a skull fracture, and that’s what he used the wrench to kind of tap back into place. So, you’re in a lot of pain still, but you feel mobile, able to do something gat least.

STEVEN: “More importantly, who’s flying this ship?”

HUDSON: “I’m flying it, but first Sabos-“

LAURA: “N-No… Karma. Karma.”

CAMERON: “That would be me. I’m flying the ship.”

HUDSON: “Oh, currently.”

STEVEN: “Do I just hear that over the com?”

CAMERON: “You just hear it over the coms. Yeah.”

STEVEN: I say loudly, as loud as I can, (through coughs) “I’m the captain now.”

CAMERON: “If that makes you feel better, sweetie. Sure.”

STEVEN: “…Okay.” I pretend to fly, just laying on the table.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, she is the co-pilot, and we are, you know, in hyperspace. There is not much to do.”

STEVEN: I still have my hands out, like upward on the table, as if I’m grabbing the yolk to fly.

LAURA: “Okie, sure.”

NICK: Around this point, yeah. As you say we’re in hyperspace, Karma, you get the ship out of the little asteroid belt aimed in the right direction and hit the lever, and go flying off. I’m assuming you’re going to Ithor. Right?

CAMERON: Yes.

NICK: Okay. We’re gonna fly to Ithor. So, the ship is going to take a few days to get there. You’re going from the outer rim. Fun fact, Ithor is located in the mid rim, and it’s on the wrong side of the hub from you, so it’s gonna be quite a trip. The good news is it’s very well populated and the routes are very well documented, so it’s pretty easy to get there but it’s not like there’s a lot of shortcuts or anything.
So, you guys have some time, a couple of days. What do you guys do?

LAURA: So, the first time everyone’s all together, Xianna sits down and is like, “Okie. So, what did we learn?”

STEVEN: “Don’t get shot.”

LAURA: “Open the briefcase before the handover.”

STEVEN: “Oh, that too.”

LAURA: “Uh-huh. Everyone? Uh-huh.”

HUDSON: “Uh… Eh..”

STEVEN: “Getting shot is bad.”

HUDSON: “I will agree that I think all of us learned something today.”

CAMERON: “What is the proper protocol if you open the briefcase and it is empty?”

STEVEN: “Put something in it.”

CAMERON: “Do you then just not ever continue, or do you put something else in the briefcase?”

LAURA: “You just don’t deliver it, and then you call up who gave you the briefcase, and you yell at them. A lot. It works sometimes.”

STEVEN: “What happens the other times?”

LAURA: “Uh, the person who gave you the briefcase tries to kill you.”

STEVEN: “Oh, okay.”

CAMERON: “That would be why you’re comming them then, so it’d be more difficult to kill you right then…”

LAURA: “No no no. Not the people you are giving the briefcase to, that would be empty and then they shoot you. The person that gave you the briefcase to give.”

CAMERON: “Yes, you then com them, and they try to kill you eventually, but you’re not there because you commed them, so they have to track you down.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “I mean, is slightly better than the people that are physically there with you shooting you. It gives you more time.”

CAMERON: “Okay. I’m much more comfortable with the people coming after me scenario of that. I know how to deal with that.”

NICK: Also, where is this scene happening? Are you all in the hot tub?

LAURA: Yes.

CAMERON: (laughing) Yes…

HUDSON: Yeah.

LAURA: Definitely in the hot tub. I don’t know if anyone else is in the hot tub. Xianna is in the hot tub.

HUDSON: I think we left Sabos in the medical area and took a dip.

LAURA: There’s like chairs he can be…

STEVEN: I can limp.

NICK: He’s got like his feet in, but he doesn’t want to get blood into all the hot water, so he’s just—

STEVEN: Open wounds, and hot water, and infections, yeah.

NICK: He’s just sitting with his feet in the hot tub, yeah.

STEVEN: And one head tail. Every now and then I dip one head tail.

CAMERON: Oh, gross. “Okay, next steps. We need to come up with a plan for this blockade.”

LAURA: “We should probably try to fake our credentials.”

STEVEN: “Or you can say you have an injured Togruta.”

CAMERON: “Honestly, I don’t think they’d care.”

LAURA: “Um, it is the Empire. They will not care.”

STEVEN: “They might know this injured Togruta.”

LAURA: “And then we would all be arrested.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I don’t understand how that’s helpful.”

STEVEN: “You could turn in the injured Togruta.” (coughs)

CAMERON: “Don’t think I haven’t considered it.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, do you know how much you are worth?”

STEVEN: (nervous, stumbling) “Negative… really…”

CAMERON: “I can look it up.”

NICK: You can look it up, actually. That’s a thing you know.

LAURA: (gasps)

CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: Can we look up what everyone is worth?

NICK: Sure. Yeah, we can do that. We’ll say that the Afternoon Delight has a self-updating holo-net uplink, so whenever you’re parked not in hyperspace it pulls certain websites for info. So, it does that. You’re looking at like cached websites off of Google.
One of them is Bounty Boards. That makes a lot of sense. You have the credentials for it. It’s like being a notary – when you’re a bounty hunter you get certain rights and privileges as afforded your positon. So, you can just look it up, honestly. If you were trying to find information on somebody you didn’t already know or help track someone down with the info, it would probably be either a Computers or Skullduggery. Probably Computers, honestly.

LAURA: My guess is that there’s like… I’m thinking of the MSI system where you can put in like, I want a 2,000 square foot house with three bedrooms. They have that for bounties where you can like put in their species, and then you put in like what age range you think they are, and like identifying marks, and then it pulls up a list of all the people who match that so you can try and find who you were getting.

CAMERON: I also probably have the reverse, like, I’m currently located on Ithor. What bounties are near me? It’s like the Restaurants Near Me function in Google Maps.

LAURA: You move your little dot around, and you’re like, Bounties Near Me!

CAMERON: Five mile radius.

STEVEN: Uh, I can be found under fourth head tail.

CAMERON: No, but if like you’re searching for a specific name…

NICK: So, if you pull up Sabos, he is a pretty small fish. You’ll remember he owes the Empire like a 150,000 Credits which in the grand scheme of things isn’t a ton especially since the person he owes that to doesn’t really want it getting out. So, he has the Imperial equivalent of a parking ticket. He has like, Disturbing the Peace and Racketeering, which—

CAMERON: Boring.

NICK: For the Star Wars universe is Most people. So, it’s like a 2,000 Credit bounty.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: It’s not that much. He is in the system, but there’s no picture of him and most of the stuff is blank. His name, Sabos Niks is in there. The way the system works it has different tiers of notoriety and stuff, so one of the things it’ll do is the names will get linked through the network for like known aliases and stuff like that so they’re more likely to show up in the search. I gotta be careful making up computer shit with who I’m sitting at the table with, but we’re gonna say this is how it works. The more notorious they are, the more important they are, the more likely they’ll pop up on related searches. ‘Those who hunted Sabos Niks also hunted…’

(giggling)

Sabos has no connections, it’s just him, so unless somebody specifically already had him or was looking for him, which they probably wouldn’t because he’s pretty cheap, he’s not gonna show up. So, he’s not very notorious, it’s unlikely people are gonna pull him on a related search, he’s not worth very much, but the Empire knows who he is.

CAMERON: Okay. I’m gonna look up everybody else too, (laughs) since I’m in here.

LAURA: Once she looks up Sabos, Xianna starts bouncing. “Ooh, ooh! Look me up! I want to see.”

LAURA & CAMERON: ‘Me next! Me next!’ (giggles)

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: “You will want to search for Xianna’fan…”

CAMERON: Okay.”

LAURA: “…and we will go from there!”

NICK: Alright. You pull up Xianna, and there’s a mugshot photo of her. Ooh, what would the background on an Imperial mugshot be?

HUDSON: Laura already drew it.

LAURA: Well, I just drew a very standard…

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: My guess is it would be either white, a steel blue, or just kind of a mat gray metal.

NICK: Yeah, so I think you’re right. It’s probably like a blue steel background, because this happened when you got arrested at a local area. It’s not like in a major holding facility. It’s someone’s backwoods jail kind of situation. The picture is you smiling and making the peace sign at the camera, and you look absolutely unworried, absolutely unphased.

LAURA: “I do not remember which one that was…”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Can I look up where that mugshot came from, specifically?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: I wanna know which one of her arrests was that mugshot.

LAURA: Xianna’s just sitting there mumbling to herself. “That definitely was not the doorway incident. Was that… I think maybe that was just standard burglary. Huh…”

NICK: So Laura, this particular one, kind of like a backwoods arrest, probably one of your earlier ones…

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: What happened with Xianna? Where was the photo taken?

LAURA: I think it was just a local station, a trooper outpost. I think what I had tried to do was seduce some low-level politician, sneak into their house, and steal goods and information to then later sell, and I probably just tripped an alarm. It was probably a silent alarm and I didn’t realize it, and then also the person came home, and it was just like, “Oh, um, hello. I thought you would be gone. Uh… Do you want pancakes?”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: We get another shot from the flashback of you doing something, getting caught, and then looking up and making eye contact with a pretty obvious security camera and making the exact same face that happened in your prologue where you realize you’ve been made and now you just have to figure out what to do about it.
Okay, so, where was that though?

LAURA: Um…

NICK: Pick a planet, any planet.

LAURA: Corellia.

NICK: Corellia? You spent a lot of time bouncing around there?

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Okay. If that’s the case, then it actually says on the website Coresec sub files on it, and you recognize that steel background. It’s very distinctive of small Corellian holding patterns. It’s like a drunk tank, basically, but they use it for not just drunk people. It’s people who are in holding until they post their very small bail or their court date happens. There’s that, but under the picture there’s a pretty long list of misdemeanors, solicitation, because you figured out it was easier to get busted for solicitation and pretend you were being a prostitute than what you were actually doing, which was trying to rob people.

LAURA: Oh, yeah. Xianna’s definitely figured that out. ‘Ohh, if they think I’m a prostitute they just let me go… They usually don’t even check my pockets…’

NICK: Yup. So there’s a lot of solicitation things. You see that there is some burglary, but it all seems to be minor theft, and then there’s a lot of alleged things or skipped bails or warrants out in various places. The list is a little hard to read. It’s got—not the same thing as Sabos where nothing’s linked, but it’s obvious that the system’s a little messed up because a bunch of it is CorSec but then there’s some Imperial stuff and those systems don’t mesh real well, so whoever was looking for her would have some problems. She’s like a 5,000 Credit bounty. It’s solid.

CAMERON: “Hey, you’re worth more than Sabos.”

STEVEN: When we discover that I say, “Oh, you’re a bad girl?”

LAURA: (exasperated laughs)

STEVEN: “You like bad boys?”

LAURA: Xianna’s just like, “I will shoot you.”

STEVEN: (laughs) “That’s what the thing said.”

HUDSON: “Look me up!”

(laughter)

CAMERON: Okay. I look up Tink.

NICK: Tink’s not in there, at all.

HUDSON: I knew it.

NICK: What’s Tink’s holo-net alias?

LAURA: “Do you have any fake names?”

HUDSON: “StarDestroyer1.”

(laughter)

LAURA: “Yes. Look up StarDestroyer1!”

NICK: So, StarDestroyer1, it looks like a default Facebook profile. It’s got just the outline picture silhouette. It says StarDestroyer1, it says Alleged Low-Level Slicer, and that’s it. It says Insert Allegations Here, Insert Warrants Here, like it’s all mostly blanked out. So, he’s either an amazing slicer who’s cracked the CorSec and Imperial systems, or he’s done not very much and he’s not in there, and it’s hard to tell.

LAURA: It could be either one. (gasps) “Karma! Are you worth anything?”

CAMERON: “I don’t think so.”

LAURA: “Look it up!”

CAMERON: I look myself up.

NICK: Yeah, so you have a full profile, but it’s all accolades. You’re not wanted for anything. There were a couple of removed threats. There are some dismissed allegations that you can see like grayed out with lines through them, and it’s some violence charges that got thrown out, some disturbing the peace charges that got thrown out, things that you may have collected as a bounty hunter that you either got dismissed or got overturned due to lack of evidence, but no, you’re squeaky clean. It actually links to another database which is of bounty hunters, and your profile there—it looks like LinkedIn. It’s all like, pretty, and it’s like, Qualifications, Known Associates, and there’s little pictures of your two twin sons below yours in the contacts thing. The weird thing if you are looking over Karma’s shoulder is the Known Associates tab maxes out. It just keeps going, way past, it just says 99+ and it runs out.

CAMERON: And then if you look at the Friend Requests it’s like also maxed out.

HUDSON: What a socialite.

CAMERON: But I can’t add more people to my profile, so. (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. Well, it’s not like the bounty hunter social media. That would be… Oh. Bounty hunter social media pun, guys?

LAURA: BountyBook.

NICK: FaceBounty?

LAURA: Mm… My Bounty.

NICK: … SpaceBase. SpaceHunt.

HUDSON: iBounty.

NICK: Egh, that just sounds like electronic paper towels.

LAURA: HuntersOnly.

(laughter)

NICK: HuntersOnly.com, that’s it!

STEVEN: That’s what it is.

LAURA: Great.

NICK: HuntersOnly.com is a different thing. This is just the Imperial records thing, so it has basically—you’ve maxed out its thing. If you go to HuntersOnly.com, which you do have a profile—you don’t look at it very much, but a lot of people are really into it. I think the twins made you a profile at one point.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: That one is just totally full of stuff. There’s a bunch of people that you don’t even know that wanna be friends with you. That one’s really maxed out. But as far as this one, you just have a lot of known associates in the bounty hunting world.

LAURA: Going back to mine, how many like known aliases were listed on mine?

NICK: We’ll say six known aliases. What were they, Laura?

LAURA: Oh, and I have to write them down. Okay.

CAMERON: So we know not to use them.

LAURA: So I know, yeah, what they are.

HUDSON: Chris Angel.

NICK: Felicia Day.

HUDSON: Kate Bush.

LAURA: Yeah, there’s Felicia…

CAMERON: I feel like Xianna only ever gives first names.

LAURA: Yeah. There’s like, and it’s like, with a P-H.

STEVEN: Ooh.

NICK & CAMERON: Ahh.

LAURA: P-H-T-I-F-F. (giggles)

CAMERON: (laughing) Oh, that’s not what I was thinking it was.

NICK: ‘Pa-tiff’

LAURA: No, no, it’s T-I-P-H Tiff, there’s Roxie, Sion with an S, ooh the Lia would probably have a last name.

HUDSON: Alia Keys. (laughter) That makes me feel weird, not saying the name right.

STEVEN: Me too.

LAURA: I’m trying to think of the Twi’lek last names. There’s Lia Fortuna.

NICK: That works.

LAURA: And…

CAMERON: Oh yeah. Is Serene listed?

LAURA: Serene probably wouldn’t be.

CAMERON: I’m just wondering if Falx updated the entries.

LAURA: Ooh. Yeah.

NICK: Uh, no.

CAMERON: Or if he just knew it was a purple Twi’lek and didn’t specifically know it was Xianna.

NICK: Mmm…

CAMERON: Because I’m assuming she didn’t give her real name to the other guy either.

NICK: So I’ll say Serene is not listed on here. That’s all I’ll say about that.

CAMERON: Okay. Don’t use that one either. (laughs)

NICK: I’m going to avoid talking about my NPCs without them being in the room.

LAURA: And then the last one is Moa’tel.

NICK: Moa’tel.

LAURA: Yes.

CAMERON: Mo-tel.

NICK: Tell me Moa.

HUDSON: Like where you take your clients?

CAMERON: Yeah, motel.

HUDSON: To the motel?

NICK: Hotel. Holiday Inn.

(snickers)

LAURA: And then, how many arrests do you say are on there? Because I know I’ve been arrested a number of times, but how many do you think?

NICK: I think you’ve probably been arrested a few times, a handful of times. This particular database doesn’t register that. It’s only like the legal proceedings and stuff. So, that is not on there. You did say earlier that you’ve been arrested at least four times.

LAURA: At least.

NICK: At least. And the first planet that you all went to had been one of them, so that’s not a great sign.

LAURA: Eh.

STEVEN & CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: It’ll be fine.

HUDSON: “So, I have an idea for us getting through the barrier.”

CAMERON: “Go for it.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I think I can rig some credentials and send out a distress signal acting like this is from a very important vessel and that we have a high ranking official that we’ll disguise Sabos as, and he’ll be you know injured and looking in bad shape, and they’ll let us through so that we can immediately get him to the medical area, but then as we’re getting taken to the medical area we’ll overpower them and then get into the ship deeper.”

CAMERON: “We’re not trying to get into the ship. We’re trying to get to the planet.”

HUDSON: “Oh, sorry.”

CAMERON: “We just need to get past the blockade.”

LAURA: “So, similar concept. We say we are a political transport ship, and trying to get to the planet, and we have fake credentials.”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “I am an ambassador.”

LAURA: “I don’t think that is true, but…”

HUDSON: He plays one on TV.

STEVEN: “It’s laminated, damn it.”

CAMERON: “We also learned that Osaron does not have the best relationship with the Empire at the moment.”

STEVEN: “Ehhh.”

CAMERON: “You are listed as having a bounty. Your badge does nothing for you right now.”

STEVEN: “Ehhh.”

LAURA: “I also have had laminated badges before. They can be faked.”

STEVEN: “We made this on Osaron.”

CAMERON: “Goodness.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: “Things I could help you with, Tink, on the     creating fake credentials and getting through… I have the low clearance code cylinder from Duelson, and then he also told us that the low frequencies are easier to sneak through than the high.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I can program that.” I program that.

CAMERON: (laughs) I hand over the code cylinder.

NICK: Okay, so, while you’re flying to Ithor you’re going to try to forge low class Imperial credentials. That’s what you’re trying to do?

CAMERON & HUDSON: Yes.

CAMERON: If you could then make it so that we don’t show up on their scanners too, that would be better, but having the credentials in place in case we don’t make it through…

HUDSON: Okay. I try the credentials first.

NICK: Okay. For the credentials it’s going to be hard. You can have a blue die because you know about the low frequency thing. You can upgrade one die because you have the code cylinder to work off of. You also have two black die, because the last time you tried to hack a Star Destroyer you left your signature, StarDestroyer1, over a bunch of stuff. Or, I think you put ‘leet hacker.’

HUDSON: I have Bypass Security. Remove a black die rank from checks made to disable a security device or open a security door. Oh, no. Per rank of code breaker—I don’t do codebreaker right now. I can reroll if I want.

NICK: Cool. Great. What’s that, once per session?

HUDSON: yes, once per session.

CAMERON: You need two black dice.

HUDSON: Four successes, two threats.

NICK: Okay. Your threats are gonna get spent. You are always pretty careful when you’re forging stuff. You pretty much do the forgery, go back and redo it, and then double check everything. So, you’re able to get something made that avoids activating that little boobytrap about they know what your signature is. The threats are you don’t figure out that signature is in their database, so you include it. The stuff is gonna work, you got four successes, it’s solid. The credentials themselves will not be suspect in any way, but you’re still gonna have this issue the next time you try to hack a Star Destroyer. They know there’s someone who’s been able to get through their system.

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: So, yeah. You make some solid ass ship credentials for like Petty navy Officer, I don’t know. What do you name your guy?

HUDSON: George Jetson.

NICK: George Jetson. (laughter) Petty navy Officer George Jetson gets made. Yeah. You got it, it’s got a picture on it. It’s actually a picture of Sabos, but a human Sabos.

HUDSON: Eww.

NICK: Like, the head tails are gone, and you photoshopped it around a little bit, so it looks pretty believable as long as they don’t like see Sabos in person. So, you have got some credentials.

HUDSON: Mm-hmm. Alright! I high-five Karma.

CAMERON: Yeah!

LAURA: Nice.

STEVEN: “I make a good Imperial. … Oh, shit, uh—(garbled speech)

CAMERON: “Can you turn off our camera so that when we get hailed it’s voice only from our side?”

HUDSON: “Yeah. I can make it break accidentally.”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “None of us are human.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. If they see any of us this isn’t gonna work.”

HUDSON: I break the camera.

NICK: Oh, you just break it?

LAURA: “No, you don’t have to break it!”

CAMERON: I wanted you to like remove the wire so that we can—(laughter)

HUDSON: “It’s now too late. The camera’s broken.”

LAURA: “You just had to disable it. Ugh.”

NICK: So, Karma and Tink are standing up front, you have that conversation. You go, oh yeah, and take out a wrench and go whack whack whack, and punch a little hole in the dashboard.

CAMERON: (sighs) Okay…

STEVEN: That makes me twitch a little bit when I see him take out the wrench, and I don’t really know why.

HUDSON: The blood loss.

STEVEN: Yeah, you know, the head fixing wrench.

CAMERON: “Alright. Then do we wanna try and set us up to not show up on scans?”

HUDSON: “I’ll go for it.” I go for it.

NICK: Alright. How are you trying to not show up on scans? What exactly are you trying to do? Normally you would do that with a highly specialized stealth suite that is military only and extremely expensive.

HUDSON: Actually, we don’t want to do that, because that’s actually suspicious if we’re acting like we’re a real ship, like a real envoy.

NICK: That’s true.

HUDSON: So, I don’t do that.

NICK: That would be like trying to sneak into somewhere and then when they get there be like, oh hi, I’m your cousin, nice to see you.

CAMERON: Oh, did we have that turned on? Whoops.

NICK: Yeah. I mean, you could pull it off, it would just be difficult.

STEVEN: Did we the petty officer have that device on the ship? Yeah, that’s normal I’m sure.

NICK: Yeah, you’d be able to talk your way through it, it just wouldn’t be easy. So, cool. You guys are set up, and you have a way to try to spoof your way past the blockade and get down to planet, and that’s where we’ll end the episode.

(all make dramatic noises)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.