Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 32:
Commercial Success

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

To start, I want to thank That Tucky for their five-star review on iTunes. We appreciate you giving us a shout out. Reviews are still one of the top ways to help people find the show, and thank you for braving the labyrinth of iTunes to do that for us.

Up next, we have some new patrons to thank. Tucker Maltby, thank you so much for becoming a patron. I’m going to guess that you may have been the one to leave us a review as well, so we doubly thank you for that one-two punch of support. The crew will raise a glass of Flame Out in your honor. John Michael, thank you so much for supporting the show. JM played Raymond Jyn in one of our Jedi Adventures. Thanks for being super cool.

If you tuned in to our $69 celebration pizza party, thank you for stopping by. We were absolutely floored by the amount of fans who showed up and joined us as we ate a seven-inch-tall cake-shaped pizza and made fun of the terrible questions on Star Wars Family Feud. If you enjoyed our stream, we are close to doing that on a regular basis. When we reach $150 on Patreon we’re going to add a support level that gets you access to regular streams and Q&As. Talk to your friends about the show and help us get there. The biggest of thanks to all of our Patreon backers. You’re making this story possible.

Now let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 32 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m your hosting game master, Nick! Good to have you back on this sunny, sunny afternoon. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody introduce yourselves, say who you’re playing, and if you spent any experience since last time why don’t you just let the audience know what you spent that on. We’ll start with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! I’m Cameron. I’m playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter, and I bought two talents on my talent trees. I bought Rapid Recovery on my Skiptracer tree so I can heal strain faster after battling, and I bought Anatomy Lessons on my Assassin tree.

NICK: Uh-oh.

CAMERON: After making a successful attack I can spend one Destiny Point to add damage equal to Intellect to one hit.

NICK: Neat. Alright, thank you for that. Up next we have Laura.

LAURA: Hello! I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and I bought talents on my semi-new Scoundrel tree. I bought Convincing Demeanor, which lets me remove setback dice from Deception and Skulduggery checks, and then I got another rank in Hidden Storage, so the coat that defies physics continues to defy physics.

NICK: What does that bring your encumbrance ability up to?

LAURA: So it doesn’t add to my actual encumbrance threshold, it just allows me to hide encumbrance in the item that I apply it to, so I can now hide four encumbrance in the jacket.

NICK: Oh geez. That’s four vibro-swords.

LAURA: (laughs) Is a vibro-sword just one?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, uh…

CAMERON: Probably, they’re skinny.

NICK: So you can put two vibro-axes in your coat, technically.

LAURA: I could, yes.

NICK: Wow. Neat.

LAURA: If we wanna be real loosey-goosey with it.

NICK: If it comes up we’ll negotiate.

LAURA: It would take some sort of opposed Skulduggery check to see if I have two vibro-axes in the coat…

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: Oh well.

LAURA: It doesn’t make sense. Heh.

NICK: I’m sure it will be fine. The coat of many things.

CAMERON: Coat of many pockets.

LAURA: There’s lots and lots of pockets. Yes.

NICK: Neat. Last but not least, we have Hudson.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I play Rallltinkraatakat, also known as Tink, the Gigoran slicer. I leveled up in Melee to Level 4…

CAMERON: Oh shit.

HUDSON: …to be a badass. I also upped my Coordination to Level 3.

NICK: So you’re agile?

HUDSON: I am an agile melee-er.

NICK: Interesting. Alright. Level 3 Coordination means you can start doing crazy cartwheels and stuff to get through situations. That’s fun. Cool.

HUDSON: Yeah. It will come up, as I am a seven foot Gigoran.

NICK: Yeah, but you move like silent death apparently. Before we get into recapping and the adventure, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

LAURA: One light side.

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: Oh dear.

NICK: Ooh.

LAURA: I tried, okay?

NICK: You tried real hard.

LAURA: I can’t carry the whole team.

HUDSON: And got so far.

CAMERON: I didn’t separate out the die that I fired last time, so…

NICK: Oh yeah.

CAMERON: …this may actually—I don’t know.

NICK: Everyone looks so disappointed. It’s going to be okay. we usually forget those are there.

CAMERON: … But I’m sad~

NICK: Okay~ Last time, you finished robbing a secret Kuat Drives facility and secured the cooperation of Valorissia in Sentinel’s plans. It did end with Xianna blowing a minor hole in Valorissia’s lab, but she had already asked you to tell Sentinel to reach out to her again and that they were willing to deal, so the mission was a rousing success. So you were able to leave. Am I missing anything else really? Pretty much, you successfully stole the thing, went back—

LAURA: Oh. We can get 7,500 Credits from Sentinel.

CAMERON: Yeah, because we didn’t promise Valorissia any of the money, and she still agreed to it, and Sentinel said we could keep 50% of what we didn’t give.

NICK: Oh… That is true. We’ll deal with that in-game.

CAMERON: Just so you’re aware that we’re all aware.

NICK: (smiling) Okay. That’s good. Good for y’all. That should be fine. Alright, so we’ll get into it. The Afternoon Delight is floating in the void of space. After leaving the research station you decided to do a short hop to make it harder to track your team, and also you decided it would be best to leave the area quickly in case anyone thought to make you pay for the repairs for the damage you caused. Karma has opened a channel to Sentinel from the holo-theater on board. A life-size blue hologram is floating in front of the crew. Sentinel looks surprised. “Well, it’s good to see you all. It looks like the negotiations were short. How did it go?”

LAURA: “Yes. So, we were able to get her to agree to your plans, whatever they were. Also, we got her down to 0 Credits, so we get half of the 15,000, correct?”

NICK: “She agreed to do the work for free?”

LAURA: “Well, I mean, we had to steal some things, and it was a whole thing, but no money, so…”

NICK: “Hmm.”

CAMERON: “She was really into this ship part.”

NICK: “I had been hoping that would be the case. So, she said she’s going to come work for me immediately?”

CAMERON: “She says you should com her again.”

NICK: “So, your goals allow me to now negotiate?”

CAMERON: “No. She says call her so she can have coordinates and shit.”

LAURA: “She does not know where to go.”

NICK: “That does make sense. We are pretty secret.” In the background actually, you see the protocol droid waddling by carrying a big crate full of stuff. A lot of it looks like rolled up flimsy and computer parts and things.

You hear over the coms the protocol droid saying, “And I will continue to load the ship.”

Sentinel turns back to you all and says, “Yeah. I’m in the process of relocating. I think we’ve been here a little too long. I will reach out to Valerissa before—“

CAMERON: “Valorissia.”

NICK: “Sorry, what?”

CAMERON: “Valorissia.”

NICK: “Valerissa.”

CAMERON: “Valorissia. You’re missing an I. I think that’s why she refused to talk to you at first.”

LAURA: “No, he has both eyes!”

NICK: “Yes. I was very injured, but my eyes are still—“

CAMERON: “Xianna…”

HUDSON: “Xianna, that was…”

LAURA: “(giggles)”

CAMERON: “Everyone, that is not what I was saying, and I think you all know that. One of the I’s in Valorissia’s name. It’s very rude to not get to know someone’s name before you ask them to help you save the galaxy.”

NICK: “Well, thank you for helping… with that hot tip.”

CAMERON: “You’re welcome.”

NICK: “I will make sure to call her Valorissia.”

CAMERON: “She actually just goes by Val. It’s not important at all.”

NICK: “Oh. Okay, I’ll just call her Val then. Thank you. You know, working through several different intermediaries that talk to each other and only having limited communication, and then also you know how when you start using scrambler programs and coms, things get lost. Sometimes things like names may be slightly incorrect or amount of payment may get a little confused, you know, all sorts of things. We’ll work it out. I will be contacting Val. Hopefully she doesn’t mention payment or anything like that. If that’s the case, the next time I see you we’ll be making that transfer. I’m good for anything.”

CAMERON: “Great!”

HUDSON: “So, I know you’re probably relocating to a secret location, however is it an upgrade? Does it have a pool, hot tub, what’s the deal? Give me the deets.”

NICK: “Unfortunately the only hot tub in my possession is now on your ship, so probably not.”

LAURA: “Wait. You had a hot tub and then you put it on our ship?”

NICK: “Well, the only access to a hot tub I had was through the ship that I gave to you all so that you could carry out your mission. I should be clear.”

LAURA: “Okay. Okay.”

NICK: “Once again, I am working on being more clear in my communication and revealing any details you may need to help you be successful.”

CAMERON: “I’m really glad we cleared up that hot tub issue.”

LAURA: “I mean, if the hot tub is removable, that would be useful information.”

CAMERON: “What would we do with it, Xianna?! Why would you take it off the ship?”

LAURA: “Take it with us! We could take it to the hotels and places that do not have a hot tub to begin with.”

CAMERON: “But we could just go back onto the ship and get in the hot tub. There’s no need to remove it.”

LAURA: “But what if the ship is going in for repairs? Then we can’t go back on it and we could use the hot tub with us.”

CAMERON: “We totally went back on the ship when Zubo was repairing it last time.”

LAURA: “Yes, but what if we are installing new carpet or something?”

HUDSON: “Xianna, logistically it just won’t work out.”

CAMERON: “We are not replacing this carpet, Xianna. I love this carpet.”

NICK: The red shag carpeting?

CAMERON: Yeah! In the Afternoon Delight it’s all shag carpeting. It’s not necessarily all red.

NICK: Most of it is.

LAURA: But it’s all shag.

CAMERON: But it’s all shag carpeting.

NICK: Ah-ha.

LAURA: “Look. At some point we might want to replace the carpeting, even if we replace it with more shag carpeting… It’s shag carpeting, so you know at some point you can’t really clean everything out of it.”

HUDSON: “Besides the cleanliness issues, I suffer from a lot of static shock. It’s getting real annoying.”

CAMERON: “That’s why you get in the hot tub.”

LAURA: “Also Tink, you spilled a whole mix of some sort of drink powder all over the carpet in the kitchenette area. Do we need the shag carpeting in the kitchen area and the refreshers?”

CAMERON: “Okay. I would like to remove the carpet from the kitchen area, from the refreshers… the area around the hot tub gets really wet and squishy and is kind of gross, and it’s starting to smell funny.”

LAURA: “I think I saw something moving.”

CAMERON: “No, you did not see something moving. Do not tell me that, Xianna.”

LAURA: “I saw something moving! Something is down there.” Heh.

CAMERON: “In the carpet?”

LAURA: “In the carpet!”

HUDSON: “I think you were trippin’, man.”

LAURA: “No. That is not how impact works.”

CAMERON: “Oh, did you trip over it though?”

LAURA: “I did trip over it. I’m not sure exactly what it is. I think I saw an eyeball pop up.”

NICK: Sentinel has just been awkwardly sitting here the whole time.

(giggling)

LAURA: “Oh! I forgot you are here.”

HUDSON: “Sentinel, welcome to Carpet Talk.”

CAMERON: “You know Hank, you’re free to join in on these conversations.”

NICK: “Reassurance: If I need to say something, I will say something.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Alright. I just wanted to make sure.”

NICK: “What a refreshing take on dealing with a professional liaison and trying to get extra information. You know, that assassin droid that we found for you is really a good pickup. I’m happy about that.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. HK’s pretty great.”

HUDSON: “I think we’re growing to be friends.”

NICK: “Observation: That would be very difficult as I don’t have feelings.”

LAURA: “Yeah. I think he might kill us in our sleep sometime.”

CAMERON: “Only you, you’re not a primary.”

LAURA: “Only me.”

NICK: “Conjecture: That is likely.”

LAURA: “I told you.”

CAMERON: (laughs) “Wait. Which part is likely, HK?”

NICK: He just stares into space.

LAURA: “Hank, if you do kill me I assume it will be over something I truly did and deserved, so… I doubt you will do it for no reason. So anyways, Sentinel, are we doing something?”

NICK: “yes?”

LAURA: “Or did we just call you to give us money?”

CAMERON: “You said something about the fourth team member.”

LAURA: Xianna’s putting out her fingers. “Okay, Karma, me, Tink, Hank… That’s four.”

CAMERON: “No, no, Beta Squad, Xianna. Beta Squad.”

LAURA: “Oh! Oh. Not us.”

CAMERON: “Yes, not Alpha Team, Beta Squad.”

LAURA: “Okay, Beta Squad.”

NICK: “Yes. There is one more person to be picked up for Beta Squad before we are able to start speaking tactically and plan out this strike. Remember, there is going to be a pretty powerful payday after this is all over if you make it through, so please keep the eye on the prize as they say. But, I am glad to see you were so successful. It’s only been, what, three days since we last talked?”

LAURA: “I have no idea.”

CAMERON: “You know, I’m honestly not sure. Time is kind of a weird, wimbly-wombly, strange thing that I don’t quite understand.”

LAURA: “There’s really not a day or night in the vacuum of space, it’s all relative to the planets, and you know if you’re going from one planet where it is daytime and then you travel six hours and then the next planet you are on is also daytime it gets very confusing.”

CAMERON: “And we were just on a lot of asteroids, so the day-night thing wasn’t really…”

NICK: “You know that your ship has an atomically accurate timekeeping piece so that it can do hyperdrive calculations, right?”

LAURA: “No!”

CAMERON: “What?! Computer! How long have we been playing this game?”

NICK: You don’t have a… It’s not a Star Trek computer.

(laughter)

CAMERON: Damn! What is it gonna take to get us one? (giggles)

HUDSON: “Why are you talking to the ship like that? We’ve never had that ability.”

CAMERON: “I don’t know! I find weird things about this ship every day, Tink.”

LAURA: “Tink, do you know where that is?”

NICK: There’s a blinking alarm clock style readout above every door in this ship for what time it is.

HUDSON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Oh…” Heh.

CAMERON: “Yeah, I know what time it is, but where does it keep track of the days?”

NICK: Eh, it’s on the computer or whatever.

HUDSON: “I thought that was how many days since the last injury clock. Oh…”

LAURA: “Oh, there’s no way that is correct.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. That’s way too high.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, you’re right.”

NICK: “Well, all that aside, I’m gonna be honest. I thought that Valorissia was gonna drive a harder bargain with you. You must have really impressed her.”

LAURA: “Tink fought her. He punched her at one point.”

HUDSON: “Listen. There were…”

LAURA: “She punched you.”

CAMERON: “They had a nice, friendly bar fight.”

LAURA: “She won. I won some money.”

HUDSON: “Eh, I don’t think there were winners or losers.”

CAMERON: “She beat you, Tink.”

LAURA: “She won, because I won the bet that I put on her against you, remember?”

HUDSON: “That was a crooked bet.”

LAURA: ‘It was, because I cheated, but just a little bit. I just moved it along.”

CAMERON: “Xianna!”

LAURA: “I just moved the fight along. I didn’t do anything to really affect the outcome.”

CAMERON: “What did you do?”

LAURA: “I think I spilled a drink at some point. I think. I think I spilled a drink so that Tink would slip and fall and the fight would end faster, because it was really dragging on.”

NICK: “Observation: Xianna spilled a drink on purpose to help someone trip and give a blue die to Tink’s combat check.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Thank you, hank! That was very useful.”

HUDSON: “(strained) What’s a combat check? Oh! This fight is null and void.”

CAMERON: “HK, I wasn’t sure your Perception was that high.”

NICK: “Observation: It isn’t.”

LAURA: “I also told everyone afterwards.”

CAMERON: “Okay, cool. I was drinking that ocean drink so I don’t remember.”

NICK: Once again, Sentinel is just kind of open-mouthed. “You all seem to be… in better moods than the last time we spoke. Was this mission fun?”

CAMERON: “Bonding as a family.”

LAURA: “I did not get shot, that I remember.”

HUDSON: “I got some of my anger out in that fight.”

CAMERON: “I actually didn’t get shot either. That’s a very good reason for why I’m happier right now, Xianna.”

LAURA: “I had a bunch of shots. They were neon colors. They were very bright.”

CAMERON: “Shots were had, but not at us.”

HUDSON: “I had no shots.”

LAURA: “They just tasted like colors.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “How do you taste colors?”

LAURA: “You know, the blue one tasted like blue. You know, like Gatorade? There’s a blue Gatorade and it tastes like blue, and there’s a yellow Gatorade and it tastes like yellow.”

HUDSON: “Xianna, you’re sounding like Sabos.”

LAURA: Oh no…

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: quick! Check to see if I have a third lekku!

CAMERON: Nope, you’ve only got two. You’re safe. Would you get three though, or would you randomly grow a fourth? And then how do we know it was the fourth if you still only had two?

LAURA: Do two just grow at the exact same time and you then have to decide which was the fourth one?

CAMERON: I don’t know…

LAURA: I don’t like where this is going.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Sentinel shakes his head a little bit. “Well, that’s all well and good. I’m glad that you are coming together as a unit. You will need that in the coming weeks. Here’s the good news, I do have the next step for you all. I was in the process, I just thought I would be a little further along, because I thought there was going to be more time. Like I said, I’m working through liaisons to other liaisons—“

CAMERON: “And you’re moving right now, so it’s understandable.”

NICK: “I mean, mostly the droid is moving…” You see (mechanical “waddle” noises) as it goes by carrying the same box.

CAMERON: “It’s still very stressful.”

LAURA: “How long does it really take to move? You put everything in one bag and you go.”

NICK: “Yeah actually, as someone who moves around quite a bit and does spy things, I shouldn’t have a lot of stuff.”

CAMERON: “I’m confused as to how much you have to pack.”

NICK: “Well, the holo-projector and all the plans, there’s a lot of data.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay, computer stuff. I can see that.”

HUDSON: “Do you need boxes? I have boxes.”

NICK: “Why do you have boxes?”

LAURA: “He just likes to sit in them.”

CAMERON: “It’s what all the popsicles came in, right?”

HUDSON: “It’s where all the popsicles came in. I don’t like to sit in them. I’m not some kind of animal.”

LAURA: “What do you mean all the popsicles?”

HUDSON: “I… bought a lot of popsicles recently.”

LAURA: “But there is no popsicles in the fridge, or freezer.”

HUDSON: “They are ALL gone.”

LAURA: “You ate all the popsicles?! I didn’t get any~!”

HUDSON: “yeah you didn’t, they’re my popsicles.”

NICK: Tink’s eyes are shifting back and forth very quickly.

LAURA: “So, you ate all those popsicles? There was like a box of 1,000.”

HUDSON: “It was more like a crate with boxes on them, but yes.”

LAURA: “You seriously ate like 2,000 popsicles in a day?”

HUDSON: “I haven’t had much else. Everything smells like watermelon now. It’s weird. My room is not very clean.”

CAMERON: “Alright. We have to replace the carpet in your room, too.”

LAURA: “Oh, have you seen the carpet in his room?”

CAMERON: “No. I try not to go in Tink’s room.”

LAURA: “It is sticky.”

HUDSON: “It’s not. Okay, so only recently is it sticky.”

(laughter)

LAURA: “The popsicles.”

HUDSON: “The popsicles.”

LAURA: “Also, the carpet in Sabos’s room is sticky too. I don’t think it’s popsicles, but Tink’s is definitely popsicles. It is a different color now.”

HUDSON: “What are you doing in my room?”

LAURA: “Nothing!”

HUDSON: “That cannot be the case.”

LAURA: “I needed a box to put something in, so I went in your room to get a box.”

HUDSON: “Sentinel, do you need a box?”

NICK: “I think I’m okay. You clearly are working a lot of stuff out. Let me get through the rest of this information really quick. I was really worried you weren’t going to be happy with these instructions, but honestly I think you could use a little more bonding time so I think this is going to work out fine. The problem with the final member of Beta Squad is they are currently embedded in a warzone.

LAURA: “Okay.”

CAMERON: “Alright.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “So… You’ll be doing one of those situations. The problem is it’s an Imperial warzone—“

LAURA: “I mean, what other ones are there at this point?”

NICK: “Well, sometimes there are civil war zones or system wide warzones. This one is an Imperial warzone, and there’s a problem with the planet that means you can only get in a very specific couple of ways, so I’m in the process of getting you transportation.”

CAMERON: “Alright.”

LAURA: “Okay. What is this planet?”

NICK: “Um, ever heard of Sesid?”

LAURA & CAMERON: “No.”

NICK: “Good. That’s where I’m sending you, not the planet you’ll be going to eventually.”

LAURA: “Well, what is that planet?”

CAMERON: “Why is it good that we haven’t heard of it?”

HUDSON: “I’ve actually heard of it.”

NICK: “Sesid is where you’re going to meet up with your contact that will help you get transported to… The name of the city that I’m gonna have you going to is called Sart. It’s on the planet of Fygo, but to do that there’s an energy shield that’s malfunctioned and basically I’ll have to have you smuggled in. Don’t worry about that right now.”

LAURA: “I mean, I am not.”

NICK: “Good. Great. The place that I’m going to have you meeting up with the people who will help smuggle you in is called—“

CAMERON: “Is Cesspit?”

NICK: “Sesid.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Sorry, I missed it.”

HUDSON: “Cesspool?”

LAURA: “Sesid.”

NICK: “The planet is Sesid.”

HUDSON: “Ah, okay.”

LAURA: “How would one spell that?”

NICK: “If you were say taking notes, it would be S-E-S-I-D, Sesid.” The other planet I would have sent you to I didn’t know how to pronounce so I picked this one, says Nick. (laughs)

HUDSON: “I feel like there should be some C’s in there.”

NICK: “Nope.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I was never good at spelling.”

CAMERON: “That actually surprises me with how smart you are, Tink.”

LAURA: “Yes. You have a university degree, or at least part of one.”

HUDSON: “Do you really correlate people with university degrees as those with smarts?”

LAURA: “I at least assume they know how to spell.”

HUDSON: “I can spell, I just can’t spell planet names that, like, are complicated.”

LAURA: “But don’t you have those standardized testing things where you have to name planets for no reason other than to prove you know them?”

HUDSON: “Those are all scams.”

LAURA: “No, they’re scans, they scan them.”

HUDSON: “No, they’re—Gah. No, they are scams, as in they are illegitimate.”

CAMERON: “The tests or the university?”

LAURA: “I know what a scam is, I’m just saying that the tests, they scan them.”

HUDSON: “I was meaning the test.”

LAURA: “The universities are a scam.”

HUDSON: “There we go. Now we’re getting somewhere. They are scams. I got through and I got a degree, however that doesn’t mean—“

LAURA: “I thought you dropped out?”

HUDSON: “No, what I meant—I dropped out, and the reason I dropped out was because I didn’t want to go with the system anymore.”

LAURA: “So you dropped out during your masters?”

HUDSON: “No. I might have forged a degree.”

CAMERON: “It looks real official.”

NICK: It looks more official than the actual one does.

LAURA: “It is a very nice forgery.”

HUDSON: “Thank you.”

LAURA: “I thought it was real for like a whole two minutes.”

CAMERON: “And then you told us that you didn’t graduate, so we figured it out.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

HUDSON: “I see.”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “Also, I noticed that the person who signed it, you signed Tink.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “You just signed it fancy enough that it took me a moment to realize it said Tink.”

HUDSON: “That was an oversight on my part.”

LAURA: “It’s okay. I did that once accidentally. I forged—“

CAMERON: “You signed Tink?”

LAURA: “No, no, no. When I was like six years old I signed ‘Mom’ on a forgery for school when we had schools.”

CAMERON: (laughing) Karma’s just like dying in a corner.

NICK: The degree forgery is also from StarDestroyer1 University. Sentinel once again kind of waves to get everybody’s attention.

CAMERON: “Oh, hey Sentinel.”

LAURA: “Oh yes. Again, I forgot you were here.”

CAMERON: “You really need to be more assertive and talk more.”

NICK: “Well, I just… It’s an interesting conversation and I’ve got some time to burn. Like I said, I thought we were gonna be doing this a few days from now.”

HUDSON: “Use your words.”

NICK: “I will use my words.”

LAURA: “Okay. We are going to Sesid.”

NICK: “You are going to Sesid.”

LAURA: “To meet a person.”

NICK: “To meet a ship. Interestingly, this is an Outer Rim world, but you all are so far out there that you’re actually heading towards the Core, so the trip shouldn’t take too long. Isn’t that fun?”

CAMERON: “How handy?”

NICK: “Yeah.”

HUDSON: “I saw this on a commercial I think. Was this a destination where people, like, vacation?”

NICK: “I wouldn’t worry about that too much.”

CAMERON: “That seems like a really weird answer to Tink’s question.” (laughs)

LAURA: “Wait, wait, can we go back? We are meeting a ship?”

NICK: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “A ship, not a sheep.”

LAURA: “I know! Okay! I understand! So we are going onto a ship, SHIP—“

NICK: “I know it’s hard. Don’t let them get to you.”

LAURA: “Then we are going to meet someone on this vessel.”

NICK: “Yes… Well, so this is a crew I am hiring to smuggle you onto the planet. You will identify them by the name of their ship. Go talk to them and they will give you more information. I don’t want to give you all of the details over the coms, because you know, intercepted communication and things like that. Basically, if you go to Sesid, it is a little bit of a vacation destination. That is true.”

HUDSON: “Yes!”

NICK: “There is a small Imperial garrison there, but it’s mostly around the pharmaceutical research facility that they have, so just don’t go near that and they should leave you alone. You should have no problems.”

LAURA: “Sure. Why not?”

NICK: “Yeah. So, you’re looking for a ship called the Tallahassee Quagmire. It should be coming towards you—“

CAMERON: “I’m sorry. Repeat?!”

NICK: “Uh, Tallahassee Quagmire?”

CAMERON: (laughing) “I recognize the ship name.”

NICK: “I wouldn’t know anything about that, but the Force does work in mysterious ways. They probably won’t be there for a day or two, so all you really need to do is go land on Sesid, their main port town is called Thrinaka, I would go there. Normally that’s where everybody gets sent anyway unless the island is full. Just hang out for a couple of days. Keep an eye on the births, wait and see—And I mean births like where ships go. I saw you all looking at me like that.”

CAMERON: (giggling)

LAURA: “Oh, not the number of babies born?”

CAMERON: “I was thinking like marine wildlife? Like what are we talking here?”

NICK: “No. Keep an eye on the parking records for the ships, and when you see the Tallahassee Quagmire park just go talk to them. It should be fairly simple. This is me giving you all of the information that I can without putting you at risk. How is that? Better? You feel pretty comfortable with your mission briefing here?”

HUDSON: “So, we’re gonna get paid to go on vacation?”

NICK: “Well,, this is part of the final job where you’re collecting the paycheck, so kind of?”

HUDSON: “yes!”

LAURA: “Okay, but what kind of vacation destination is it? Is it like lots of shopping, or is it skiing? Is that a thing in Star Wars? I’m sure it is.”

NICK: “I’ll be honest. I haven’t done a ton of research on this planet. This is where the contact said they would meet you. I just send you there. It sounds nice, maybe kind of tropical, that’s about all I know.”

CAMERON: “Ooh~”

LAURA: “Tink, you said you know. What kind of vacation? I need to know what to pack.”

CAMERON: “We’re taking the whole ship, Xianna.”

LAURA: “Yes, but once we get off the ship!”

CAMERON: “Then you’ll be there.”

LAURA: “Yes, but again, I carry my things with me in case, you know, you have to bolt in the night.”

HUDSON: “I understand that you want to be prepared, so I will explain what the commercial is like. So we got this drone shot passing over everybody. For some reason there’s only like one race of people that they show in the—“

LAURA: “Humans, yes.”

HUDSON: “Just Humans, yeah, it’s a little odd that way. There’s a lot of pools. There’s this beach with this wonderful blue water, and—“

LAURA: “So it is a beach?”

CAMERON: “Let him describe the commercial.”

HUDSON: “I mean—Okay, there’s not water on the beach.”

LAURA: “I know the beach does not have the water on it. The water is next to the beach. The beach is the raised up part coming out of the ocean.”

HUDSON: “You’re a smarty-pants, but yeah. So, what we got going on here is you got nice waves crashing into the side, you got little bungalows that you can lay in and relax, and there’s this little fortress looking thing where you can get drinks out of it. There’s like a kid area, I’m too big for it, but they have this mushroom looking thing that water comes out of and then slides, so it looks really fun but there’s not an adult version of that which I think is a scam. At least it didn’t show that in the commercial. My thinking is it doesn’t have the adult version of the kids area.”

NICK: Time out. (laughter) A fortress thing full of drinks…

HUDSON: What I’m talking about is like, you know with the thatch—

LAURA: You mean a swim-up cabana bar?

HUDSON: Cabana! Yeah, cabana bar.

NICK: Okay, but there’s gonna be a literal fortress of alcohol here.

HUDSON: (laughs)

NICK: And then a big waterpark type thing.

HUDSON: Yeah, but for kids.

CAMERON: With mushrooms, but only for kids.

LAURA: I know the ones that he’s talking about.

NICK: It’s gonna be an aquatic Felucia is what that particular thing is gonna be. It’s gonna look like Pandora. Okay, continue.

HUDSON: “Normally it’s thirteen ninety-nine Credits per day for one of the nicer suites, but for a limited time according to the commercial you can get it for ninety-nine ninety-nine

LAURA: “Wait…”

CAMERON: (laughing) “Wait…”

HUDSON: “Oh! Oh! Forgot the decimal!”

CAMERON: “Please explain where your decimal points are.” (laughs)

HUDSON: “The decimal is third to the left…? It’s 999.99, forgot a 9 there.”

CAMERON: “(laughs) Okay.”

HUDSON: “So, 999.99 is what you can pay to get your own bungalow and resort hotel room, in this amazing location…”

LAURA: “I… (exhales)”

HUDSON: “…however I believe Sentinel is paying for us to enjoy this.”

LAURA & CAMERON: “Is it all inclusive?”

HUDSON: “I mean…”

LAURA: “Is that per person or per room?”

HUDSON: “That is per room, as many people as you can fit in the room.”

LAURA: “Okay.”

HUDSON: “This commercial was very extensive, obviously.”

LAURA: “Okay, but we don’t necessarily have to stay at that resort, do we?”

HUDSON: “If you want the time of your life, according to the commercial you do!”

LAURA: “Wait. Sentinel, you are here, correct? Yes.”

NICK: “Oh yeah. I guess I’m still here. I forgot.”

(laughter)

LAURA: “You are still on this call. So, are you paying for us to stay at this resort?”

NICK: “Um…”

LAURA: “That was what Tink said.” Heh.

NICK: “Part of your payment for the previous jobs was to help cover expenses, so…”

LAURA: “So yes.”

NICK: “Well, we already paid you.”

LAURA: “yes, but these are new expenses. Expenses work that way sometimes.”

NICK: “Have you ever had an allowance?”

LAURA: “No.”

CAMERON: “Yes.”

NICK: “So, there’s like this idea that you periodically hand people who you are responsible for a set amount of money that they can then use to take care of themselves.”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm.”

NICK: “You have gotten your allowance.”

CAMERON: (false childish voice) “It’s been a week, though. We need new allowance.”

LAURA: “yes.”

CAMERON: “I know how this works! I had twins.”

LAURA: “It sounds like you are describing a job.”

HUDSON: “Sentinel, it’s the deal of a lifetime!”

CAMERON: “Xianna, that is what this is.” (laughs)

LAURA: “And so, you know when there is new work you get new money.” (laughs)

NICK: If Xianna or Karma would like to roll a Negotiation check to try to get the room covered…

LAURA: Heh. For Negotiation, Karma would probably have more.

CAMERON: I have a yellow and two greens.

NICK: You can also do a team check, but I want to flip a dark side point to upgrade it.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty first? While we figure it out.

NICK: Two purple and a red.

CAMERON: Alright, a Negotiation.

LAURA: (smiling) Could I just roll a Charm instead?

NICK: No, because you’re literally negotiating payments for a job.

HUDSON: (laughs)

NICK: I think that one’s pretty clear. Sorry.

LAURA: Okay~ I’ll roll it. What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Two purple and a red. If you guys want to do a combined check and pool your stuff you more than are welcome to.

LAURA: We can do that. I’ll help.

CAMERON: What’s your Presence?

LAURA: Three, so it will be a blue die. All my stuff is about lying~

(laughter)

NICK: That makes sense.

CAMERON: And my other tree is just about killing, so… Four advantages?

NICK: Wow. For four advantages… “Here’s the deal. If I keep giving you more and more money before we achieve objectives I won’t be able to do things like pay my informants that are finding me the people for Beta Squad, or making sure that the spies are still alive on the planets you may go to. So, I am not going to be able to give you more liquid funds at this time. However, I’ve been to Sesid before…”

CAMERON: “Can we file an expense report?”

NICK: “I mean, keep track of the amount of money you spend, we could talk about it later, but I’m probably not gonna be giving you any money. I do have some contacts at the resort, if you go and find Gungan, he’s a bartender on the planet. It will be pretty easy to find him, I bet.”

HUDSON: “Makes the best mojitos?”

NICK: “Yeah, actually. This is weird that you know all this.”

LAURA: “Tink, have you been here before?”

HUDSON: “No, I just gathered a lot from the commercial.”

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: “Those are very specific commercials.”

CAMERON: “Oh. Was he one of the people they interviewed?”

HUDSON: “No, it wasn’t an interview.”

CAMERON: “Just a lot of smiling people as a guy with a nametag handed people mojitos?”

HUDSON: “Yeah!”

CAMERON: “Yeah…”

NICK: “yeah. Well, if you go and talk to him and you mention my name he may be able to get you the employee rate or comp the rooms.”

CAMERON: “Can I get a species, please?”

NICK: “Yeah. He’s actually one of the native species to Sesid. He’s a Draedan. It’s like a green scaly person with red eyes. There are quite a few Draedans, but none of them are named Gungan as far as I know.”

CAMERON: “Well, except for the one you’re sending us to find.”

NICK: “Absolutely, there aren’t multiples. He/him pronouns, if that helps. Are there any other questions? I’m really trying hard to be open and honest with you all and share any information you might need without compromising your mission, which I may have already done mentioning the next two planets you go to, but I’ll do the best I can.”

LAURA: “It’s okay! I already forgot them.”

CAMERON: “Oh yeah, I didn’t write them down.”

NICK: “That’s fine. I will remind you as we move on.”

CAMERON: “I want you to remember that you said that, so when we don’t remember the next planet name you don’t judge us too harshly.”

NICK: “I’ll try not to.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

NICK: “So, if there’s nothing else… Go ahead and end the call—Bye.”

LAURA: “Okay, byeee~!”

NICK: He flickers out of existence. HK-67 says, “Commentary: You all do not have much of a professional demeanor.”

LAURA: “No, we do not.”

HUDSON: “No one asked you!”

CAMERON: “It’s hard to be professional when you bring your kids with you.”

LAURA: “yes.”

HUDSON: “Who are you calling a kid?”

CAMERON: (casually) “Huh?”

HUDSON: “Who are you—What kids do we got here?”

LAURA: “You!”

HUDSON: “Um… Pretty sure I’m an adult.”

LAURA: “Uh, I’m sorry, you ate 2,000 popsicles.”

CAMERON: “Tink, if we get you in on the kids rate I’m pretty sure I can get you on the slide.”

HUDSON: “What child is seven feet tall and has a vibro-axe?”

CAMERON: “Tink, how many Gigorans are out there?”

HUDSON: “I mean—“

CAMERON: “Vacationing on Sesid.”

LAURA: “We will just lie to them. We will say that—“

CAMERON: “We will say you are a child.”

LAURA: “yes.”

HUDSON: “Once again, it’s majority Human, so…”

LAURA: “So they won’t know.”

CAMERON: “Exactly. They’re not gonna know. They’re gonna think you’re a white Wookie and we’ll say no, he’s a Gigoran, he’s seven years old…”

LAURA: “And that is a child age.”

CAMERON: (forcefully) “…and he wants to go on the slide.”

HUDSON: “I can crouch I suppose, and I wouldn’t want to go on the slide.”

LAURA: “No, you don’t need to crouch. We will just tell them that your height is a normal height for a Gigoran child, and you don’t bring your vibro-axe, because you should not bring your axe to a swimming pool full of regular people.”

HUDSON: “Okay, so let me try this out… Goo-goo gaga.”

LAURA: “No, just speak normally.”

CAMERON: “No, not a baby, a child.”

HUDSON: “Alright… Fortnight.”

LAURA: “yes.”

CAMERON: “Okay. You got it. You’re good.”

NICK: … Great.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: So, Sentinel does ping you the coordinates of Sesid and Thrinaka, the city that you need to go to meet up so that you don’t have to space Google it, and we get a shot of the ship rotating about 45 degrees and then snapping back into hyperspace, and it’s about a day’s journey away. How do you spend your time?

CAMERON: Karma goes hunting for the thing in the carpet next to the hot tub.

NICK: We get this shot of Karma in like, cleaning up the house for-serious clothes, so rolled up sleeves and her head scarf is tied down real tight, and she has her sword poised above a bump in the carpet and is just murderously watching it to see if it moves. Do you want to roll some sort of check to try to kill whatever it is?

CAMERON: Can I roll Hunting?

LAURA: Two light side! Does that… What does that mean?

(laughter)

CAMERON: What does that mean? Is it a cute and fluffy bunny?

NICK: It is not a cute and fluffy bunny.

CAMERON: Okay. I don’t want to kill it until I know what it is.

NICK: Okay. Maybe make me a Survival check to try to track it down in the bowels of the ship?

HUDSON: It’s a flerken.

NICK: No flerkens. We’ll get sued.

CAMERON: Please~!

LAURA: Flerkens~! We’ll store stuff in him…

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Average.

CAMERON: One success, one advantage.

NICK: Okay. You find it, as I frantically Google ‘rat’ on Wookipedia. Ooh, that’s cool. Want it to look like this?

CAMERON: Oh gosh, that’s terrifying. I wanted to give Tink a pet.

NICK: How big is a womp rat, like two meters long?

LAURA: Three meters.

CAMERON: Large.

NICK: That is too big. Let’s not do that.

CAMERON: It’s a really big lump under the carpet.

HUDSON: I’m a big guy.

LAURA: Or about the size of an exhaust port. Heh. There’s a loth-rat.

NICK: A kwar-rat… Is there a loth-rat? Just in the poem.

LAURA: Yeah. Just in the poem, but seeing as how we see loth-cats and loth-wolves, I would assume they didn’t just make one up. They exist.

NICK: Minced loth-rat pie was popular among the local citizens.

LAURA: Ooh!

NICK: Alright. We’ll say it’s a loth-rat. So, you stand on the dais that contains the hot tub and one of the bumps starts to move. It comes up out of the carpet, and you see a loth-rat. It looks like a rat but with a furred tail with a tuft at the end and it has big old fennec fox ears. It’s as cute as you can get while still being extremely ratty, and it is orange. It has orange fur, and it goes running out of the carpet and skittering down one of the hallways.

CAMERON: I chase it.

NICK: Okay. Are you trying to catch it?

CAMERON: Yeah!

NICK: Alright. Make me an Athletics roll I guess, or we could do Survival again, trapping a rat.

CAMERON: I would rather do Athletics and use my Brawn.

NICK: Okay, so do that.

CAMERON: Because I’m better at Athletics.

NICK: We get a shot of Tink and Xianna sitting on a bench in the hallway talking and you just see a small furry thing run by and then Karma sprinting after it with her sword above her head.

CAMERON: Difficulty of the Athletics check?

NICK: Hard, and flip me another dark side point, would you? Upgrade this too. I like the idea of this thing living in your walls.

CAMERON: I don’t.

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: I want it to live in a cute cage in Tink’s room. Whoa, shit. (laughs)

NICK: Is that a despair?

CAMERON: Just… It’s a despair and a failure.

NICK: A despair and a failure…

CAMERON: Everything else wiped out.

NICK: Hmm…

HUDSON: It dies.

NICK: No… Okay. You chase it down the hall, it disappears into the engine room, and you see that it’s gotten up into the ventilation ducts. From the way the holes are and from what you know of the ship, this thing is gonna be super-duper hard to catch ever, because it must have gotten into the walls of the ship. The good news is, since you didn’t have any threats or anything, it’s not damaging the ship, it seems to just be eating the garbage and living its best life. But yeah, it’s somewhere in there. You were not able to catch it.

CAMERON: “Tiiink!”

HUDSON: “What?”

CAMERON: “There’s a rat in your engine.”

HUDSON: “Oh… I don’t know. That sounds like an adult job, and I thought I was a kid.”

CAMERON: “No, this is an engineering job and that’s still what it says.”

LAURA: “That is your job.”

HUDSON: “Oh. Alright, I’ll figure it out.”

CAMERON: “If we’re going with the kid thing, engineering is your chore.”

HUDSON: “Do we want to get rid of it or get it?”

CAMERON: “I don’t know. It’s pretty cute.”

HUDSON: “Because I can turn on the heaters in the ventilation.”

LAURA: “Don’t do that!”

CAMERON: “I’d rather not smell the cooking loth-rat.”

HUDSON: “Loth-rat?”

CAMERON: “Yeah! It’s cute, it’s orange, it has big old ears, and a floppy tail.”

LAURA: “Is it just like back in the wires?”

CAMERON: “It went into the wall.”

LAURA: “Okay…”

CAMERON: “I’m not saying that there’s anything we can do right now, I’m just letting you know that somewhere in the engine is a rat.”

LAURA: “Hold on. Where did you see it go into the wall?”

CAMERON: Karma points to the hole that it went into.

NICK: Yeah. The Afternoon Delight has small air ducts, not climbable air ducts. They’re like the size of those plastic pipes you can use for drainage in your yard. You could roll a softball down it probably. There’s bits of it that are exposed as they come out into the engine room and connect to the atmospheric control and things, and there is a… it’s not even a hole so much as some of the seal that connects two of the pipes together was gone and it managed to squeeze into there. The fact that it’s able to get into a spot that small means it may not even still be in the ventilation system. It could be in the shielding or the wiring or a couch. This thing is gonna be pretty hard to track down.

LAURA: “Okay. We put out some snacks. We put them out and we wait for the loth-rat to come get the snacks.”

HUDSON: “We’ll need to have a trap, too.”

LAURA: “Well yes, but you know, it will get hungry and will come eat. Nom-nom.”

HUDSON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “yes.”

HUDSON: “That sounds good to me. I won’t do anything to roast the rat.”

CAMERON: “Something gives me the impression that it’s not actively hurting the ship, it’s just gonna be really hard to catch.”

NICK: (snickers)

HUDSON: “I guess that’s just all up to god.”

CAMERON: “Yup.”

NICK: Space god. So, we see a small little smorgasbord set out somewhere that’s clearly visible, but for the duration of the trip nothing comes out. You scared it pretty good. This will be something you’ll have to pursue at a later date. Do you do anything else on the ship during this journey?

HUDSON: Yeah, after this I kinda start to mumble, (mumbles), I’m a kid, sure, whatever, I’m just… Fine, if I’m a kid… And then I walk into my room and I sit on the bed, but I do it in this awful posture like I’m trying to not even care about how I sit, and I start to play video games.

NICK: Cool, so you’re pouting and giving into your inner hormones. Great. Laura, is Xianna doing anything during this time besides staking out for this loth-rat?

LAURA: Yeah. She alternates between setting up different snack combinations that she thinks a loth-rat would enjoy, (laughter) so various cheesy crackers or various little snack cakes, little candies, setting them out. Every so often she’ll move them around a little bit. “No-no-no, this one is not correct. Maybe if we put the little cakes first, and then the crackers, it will come out.” Also, going through the costume closets to find swimsuits.

NICK: Okay. You are able to find whatever swimsuits that you think would be appropriate, and we will get to those…

LAURA: I pack swimsuits for everyone else.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: I pull out swimsuits and put them into little beach bags for everyone, and any accessories I find in the costume closet that I think they would also want, in coordinating bags.

NICK: Nice. So, we get all that. Around that time, as everybody settles in and relaxes for the duration of the journey, the ship snaps out of hyperspace and in the distance we see a beautiful blue ball of the planet Sesid spotted with black and green dots. We get a cool shot of that and the ship slowly looping towards it, and that’s where we’ll end the episode.

CAMERON: Ba-na~!

OTHERS: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and will make the squad giggle like school children when we read them. If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites: Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Build-A-Beru which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson, and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad, and join our Discord and share all of your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.