Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 5:
Competing Objectives

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Okay folks, it’s time for the official release. The Virtual Tabletop Squadron Convention will be July 30 through August 2. The main panels can be watched on our Twitch channel at twitch.tv/TabletopSquadron. Links to the schedule with panel information can be found on our website, in the show notes, and on our social media.

I’ll also be running a game of Edge of the Empire during the con. We’ll be picking four players by a lottery system. You can find more information on it in the schedule and its entry form. Links can be found in the show notes as well as in the schedule and on social media. The entry form closes at 11:59 PM Central on July 16.

In addition to that game, different community members will also be running online board games and RPGs during the con. Our Discord is a great place to hear more about those. There will also be after hours panels as Patreon exclusives. Additional information for those will be posted on our Patreon page closer to the event. On top of that, we have a limited edition con t-shirt available in our TeePublic store at bit.ly/tabletopshop.

Additionally, I have a name correction for this week. Donavon Seitzinger, thank you again for your patronage, and good work collecting that intel so far from your assignment last episode. If I’ve mispronounced any of our patrons’ names in the past during thank-yous, please reach out to the show so we can issue a correction. We’re able to keep making this project because of you all, and it’s important to us that we do thank-yous right. Thanks again to all of our patrons.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 5. I’m your hosting game master, Nick. Welcome back! Hope everything’s going okay and that you’re staying safe. We hope that you are, and we are attempting to do the same. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who they are and who they’re playing today, and if you spent any experience points tell us what you spent those on, because I definitely gave you some last time. I remember doing that. Good for me.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello~ My name is Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I did spend my experience. I bought two talents on my Marauder talent tree. I bought two ranks of Feral Strength, so now on a successful Melee or Brawl attack I can add 2 damage.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: Because I am ferally strong?

NICK: Cool!

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Yeah, the Marauder talent tree has a lot of Melee bonuses, so that’s scary.

CAMERON: I’m sure Melee and Brawl won’t come up.

NICK: Yeah, probably not in this setting.

CAMERON: Nuh-uh.

NICK: Up next we have Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Did you spend any experience?

LILIT: I did not.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Saving it for something cool.

NICK: Sounds good. Time to make like a custom talent tree or something, break out that Genesis book. Last but not least, we have Hudson.

HUDSON: What if I was least, though? Do we need to reflect on that?

CAMERON: Aww.

[chuckling]

NICK: I don’t think so. I do not feel that you are least.

HUDSON: Thank you.

LILIT: New discussion podcast. Who is the least?

[laughter]

NICK: Who’s the least and who’s the weast?

LILIT: Weast~

HUDSON: So, I’m Hudson…

[laughter]

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Did you spend any experience?

HUDSON: Oh, nah.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay. We’re storing up. I’m looking forward to that power spike later on. Next, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LILIT: We’re all the least.

CAMERON: Oh no.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Cool, so three dark side is our total?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Nice. So when we last left off the three of you had been divided up into your work groups around the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility. Xianna went to the library and was casing the place for cameras and vents, trying to stay out of the line of sight of Filbert who is also a librarian, or works in the library anyway. I think librarian may be a strong word. Tink was assigned to the clinic and ran into Ziller, the Gregarious Green Gigoran quartermaster that you were partially responsible for getting sent to prison in the first place quite a while ago, but you were able to talk him into being your friend, and Ziller said that he was gonna help you out. Karma was in the kitchen trying to figure out how to steal knives and saw Xianna’s friend Tadzi’texa getting attacked by a Rodian with a sharpened spoon, and we last left off with Karma grabbing the nearest thing to hand and chucking it at them.

We open on Karma in the kitchen. She’s wrapped her hand around a heavy cutting board. As we zoom out, we see a Rodian leaping through the air. He’s wielding a sharpened spoon and descending upon Tadzi’texa, a blue Twi’lek with sharpened canines who had just returned a knife to the secured knife block. So, to start off with, Karma, I need you to roll me a heavy weapons attack with average difficulty but two black dice because the weapon is a block and also you’re doing this like from the hip, trying to go fast.

CAMERON: Okay. Can I remove one black die for Quickdraw, because I can draw and holster a weapon as an incidental, so the fact that I’m doing it from the hip… I’m good at that?

NICK: Sure, I’ll let you do that.

CAMERON: Okay, and then I’m taking a blue die for Quick Strike, because technically the Rodian hasn’t done anything yet.

NICK: I guess that is true.

CAMERON: Then, am I medium range?

NICK: Yes.

[music begins comprised of assorted kitchen noises]

CAMERON: Okay. Two successes, two threats, and a triumph.

NICK: Oh. What would you like that triumph to be? Noting that you could just use that to completely end this fight. This Rodian isn’t particularly tough.

CAMERON: What did you say the damage on my cutting board was going to be? [laughs]

NICK: Plus 1. It’s a cutting board.

CAMERON: Okay, so it’ll be Brawn +1?

NICK: Sure. We’re playing it kind of fast and loose.

CAMERON: Okay, I was wondering. So it would be 8 damage.

NICK: So the question is, if I just said they’re not particularly impressive, do you think 8 damage is enough to bring them down and you wanna try that and use your triumph for something else, or do you wanna just use the triumph to make sure?

CAMERON: I think I’m gonna go with the damage…

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: …and use the triumph to not draw the ire of the kitchen droid for starting a fight in their kitchen.

NICK: Okay. The kitchen master?

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: So you hit the Rodian smack in the face. They are knocked off course and bounce off of the kitchen master. Tadzi turns around and their eyes get real wide.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, that was particularly close. Thanks for that.

NICK: And the kitchen master droid says:

NICK (as kitchen master): What’s going on?

NICK: And the Rodian grabs their sharpened spoon off the ground and turns around. They look extremely unsteady, but they are still standing, and they are stalking towards you. What do you do?

CAMERON: I have an important question.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Did I heal up from my last fight while I was in solitary?

NICK: How much damage did you take?

CAMERON: Four.

NICK: You were there for four days. I think you still have 2 wounds.

CAMERON: Okay. We were there for four days?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Oh god. Okay, but I’m back up to full on strain, right? Because I would have slept.

NICK: Yeah, strain recharges pretty quick.

CAMERON: Cool. Alright, just felt that was important to get set aside before I potentially get hit. I’m gonna point at him and yell…

CAMERON (as Karma): He’s got a shiv!

CAMERON: [laughing] …and see what happens.

NICK: Wanna make me like a Charm roll or something?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm. Sure. What’s the difficulty of me being charming?

NICK: Average.

CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine. A hundred percent wash.

NICK: Huh, okay. So, Tadzi looks back at you and goes…

NICK (as Tadzi): Uh… yeah!

NICK: …and the kitchen master says…

NICK (as kitchen master): Threat acknowledged.

NICK: …and just kinda stares at you. The kitchen’s mostly cleared out at this point. People just kinda booked it when a fight started.

CAMERON (as Karma): I just wanted that logged in the record.

NICK: [laughs] Yeah.

CAMERON: Then I pick up a cutting board and hold it as a shield, because I can do that as another incidental. [laughs]

[kitchen-based music ends]

NICK: [laughs] Okay. We’ll see how this goes. Roll me two green and a yellow versus average, but with a black die because of your shield.

CAMERON: One failure, one advantage.

NICK: So, the Rodian attacks you, you’re able to block it, but they are able to knock the cutting board away from you to where you can’t reach it anymore. The Rodian comes at you again. You can see that the spoon is already starting to kinda break under these couple of assaults. Tadzi is trying to circle around to flank him.

Coming out of one of the pantries you see a Tognath, which is like an insectoid mammal. They have bald heads with a crest kind of on the front and these white pale sunken eyes and a breathing mask that looks almost embedded into their face. This Tognath has a breather attached to their mask that looks a lot like what an X-Wing pilot would have hanging off of their jumpsuit, and it’s hanging off of their prison jumpsuit.

This Tognath basically just walks up and grabs the Rodian in a rear naked choke and just stares at you, karma, as the Rodian’s eyes roll back in its head. The Tognath drops the Rodian and turns to the kitchen master and says:

NICK (as Tognath): It’s been handled.

NICK: The kitchen master turns around and goes back to chopping vegetables and stuff at one of the tables. It’s not really equipped to deal with these security situations. But a siren starts to go off, and this strange mechanical insectoid creature says…

NICK (as Tognath): You, come with me.

NICK: …and points at Karma.

NICK (as Tadzi): You should probably go with him. I’ll be okay. I’ll tell them that I got attacked and you saved my life, so I’ll take the fall for this one. No big deal.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

CAMERON: I’m gonna pick up my cutting board and put it back in the sink though.

NICK: [laughs] You tidy up the kitchen before you go.

CAMERON: Yeah. I made a mess, I’m gonna clean it up.

NICK: Cool. This alien ducks back into the pantry, and as you go back in you see that there’s a pile of flour sacks, and he pushes those aside, and there’s a chiseled out hole in the wall and he says…

NICK (as Tognath): Come on this way. It’s like we were never here.

NICK: …and slides in between the two walls.

CAMERON (as Karma): [uncertain] Okay.

NICK: And you go with him?

CAMERON: I’mma go with him.

NICK: Okay! We’re gonna cut away from you. So, we’re gonna cut over to Xianna. Xianna, if I remember correctly the last thing you were doing was sort of casing the library. You had found a blank spot in where the cameras look and some access to some vents, but it was going to be a little difficult to get from there to the vents without being seen, and you were still kind of sizing up the territory. What are you working on?

LILIT: Xianna’s pushing the hover cart full of holo books around and is probably not putting them back where they’re supposed to be, just kind of wherever she decides looks correct and is using that to sort of snake around the shelving units to see the best way to get underneath the camera and disable that if that is an option.

NICK: Yeah. You don’t get the feeling that this technology is particularly advanced. This is an old prison. Roll me a Skulduggery. This one’s gonna be hard.

LILIT: That is one success and three advantages.

NICK: Okay. Were you trying to actually disable the camera or just get a good look at it?

LILIT: Get a good look at it and see the best way to disable it: if it’s a camera that could have its wires cut, or have something thrown at it, if it could be re-angled up towards the ceiling, or if this is a ‘you throw paint on it’ type of deal.

NICK: I’ll say with your advantages… this is one that you could disable ahead of time or rig in such a way that it would be very easy to make the camera feed cut out when you wanted to. There’s some exposed wires up near the wall. The hard part would be just making sure nobody comes in on you while you’re getting it set up but once you had it that way you could basically, like, if you elbowed that wall you could finish shorting it out or something like that and make it go down pretty easily. It’s a model of camera you’ve seen before.

LILIT: Cool. Then, once she’s done putting all the books up she’s going to take the cart back to the front desk where Filbert is and start chatting him up.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, Filbert, um… How many people would you say is normally in this room at a time?

NICK (as Filbert): Casing the joint, huh?!

LILIT (as Xianna): I am just curious. Definitely not for breaking out in any way whatsoever. In case I wanted to flirt with people, and not make too many other people jealous, you know.

NICK (as Filbert): Ah, trying to start the romance off right, I see.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Things have been rocky with my girlfriend, so fresh start, new partner.

NICK (as Filbert): Aw, that’s too bad. I’m sure your girlfriend’s a heck of a lady. Let’s talk about that a while.

NICK: Flip me a dark side point.

[laughter]

CAMERON: Okay?

[gentle acoustic guitar music begins]

NICK (as Filbert): Do you wanna talk about it? I just couldn’t help but see the flicker of pain in your eyes. I’m a pretty good listener, because I got these big floppy Yoda ears.

[laughter]

CAMERON: He called them Yoda ears?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: [laughing] Okay, cool.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, yes, everybody knows that Yoda ears are big pointy ears, and that is just a thing that is consistent through all species. It is not a species name. It is just a term for a type of ear. Yes. We are all aware.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways. No, my girlfriend asked me to move into her ship, because I was kind of not living anywhere at the time, and then I said ha-ha-ha no, because commitment issues? And then she was like well okay, but what if you just, like, take a toothbrush and you leave your toothbrush here? And I also said ha-ha-ha… no. And then we got into a fight.

NICK (as Filbert): So do you feel like it’s because you don’t want to commit to this girlfriend or is it just that you’re scared to and that step is intimidating for you?

LILIT (as Xianna): The second one.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh, I see. Maybe we should try like roleplaying a little bit. What’s your girlfriend’s name?

LILIT (as Xianna): Nolaa.

NICK (as Filbert): Alright. I’ll be Nolaa, and you be you.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): I would prefer not, but okay.

NICK: [smiling] And we’re gonna cut away from that.

[laughter, guitar music ends]

NICK: So Tink, the last thing that happened to you is you were in the prison clinic and you had convinced Ziller that you should be friends. Ziller turns towards the nurse that’s in there and says:

NICK (as Ziller): Hey, I’m gonna have to take this guy up to see the boss. You mind if we step out for a minute?

NICK: The nurse just shakes their head and goes about their business working on somebody who is very ill.

NICK (as Ziller): Come on, brother. I think there’s someone you need to meet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh~ Who?

NICK (as Ziller): You’ll see in a minute.

NICK: Do you follow him?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Cool. So you head out of the clinic and you see actually that there’s a large, much nicer building made out of white stone. It kind of looks like a governor’s mansion or something. It’s got pillars out front, it’s got a rounded portico, and it’s got two stories with large square windows. There’s bars over the windows. This building is separated from most of the rest of the prison even though it is within the walls. The building itself actually makes up part of this back wall. The clinic is not within the chain link corridors, and neither is this building. You can see that there is a little chain link corridor that leads straight from this large white building into the mess hall, but there’s a side door very close to the clinic that you’re able to walk in.

As you walk into this building you can see that there is a sign over the door that, in Aurebesh, says Admin Building, and it’s night and day compared to everything else you’ve seen so far. There’s nice dark wood paneling along the walls, there is a worn but intricate carpet that looks like it used to be very plush but has been tramped down over years and years, so clean but worn, and there are portraits of people wearing what look like civilian uniforms along the walls, maybe wardens or captains of the guard. You walk along this hallway. You can see lots of turn-off doors that show like salons and business offices that are mostly empty.

NICK (as Ziller): Alright brother, you’re gonna have to step quickly. We’re not supposed to be in here without being invited.

NICK: He starts to head up a very large staircase in the middle of the building. There’s a grand foyer with a chandelier. If you go with him, there’s a staircase that goes up to a second floor and another hallway that has what looks like another series of offices. You still tagging along?

HUDSON: I am looking around, and I’m kind of in awe of everything, and I get distracted and don’t really keep up.

NICK: Okay. Ziller continues onward and you can hear the grumble of him talking as he gets further and further ahead. Ziller is a big ol’ Gigoran. He is light green, he is imposing, he is very scary in a fight, you’ve seen that first hand, and he seems nervous. He’s got his hands clutched in front of him, and he is talking very quietly. The last thing you hear as he gets out of earshot is:

NICK (as Ziller): The important thing is to stay respectful, and what you gotta do is…

NICK: And he’s away. You’re standing at the top of the stairs looking around at the chandelier, and these portraits, and you are kind of unobserved right now. What do you do?

HUDSON: I’m just looking and kind of talking to myself, and the portraits especially catch my eye.

HUDSON (as Tink): Only important people get portraits. I’m important. I can get a portrait, right? Like, I can just… what, do you commission it? What does commission even mean? One time, one day, I will get a portrait of myself. I will look very snazzy, and that’s just what I’m gonna do. I deserve it. I deserve it.

NICK: You shake off your distraction, and you see Ziller at the far end of the hallway back towards the way you came but on the second floor now, knock tentatively on a door and look around. He sees you basically 40 yards away now and gestures urgently with his hand, like hey, come over here.

HUDSON: Oh. I start running.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay. I was gonna say something about your feet slamming on the ground, but you’re like silent as hell with your Stealth score, so…

HUDSON: Yeah, I am.

[laughter]

NICK: Like a ghost you slide along the corridor and you get there just as the door opens. It’s a Star Wars swooshy door. The door slides open and you see a nicely appointed classical office, and the first thing you see is this large wooden desk that has a leather top and has terminals stuck into it, and there’s a marble cup full of really fancy pens that are glowing sitting on the desk, and there’s a large window with red velvet curtains hanging half covering it, and a globe is sitting off to the side, but it’s a globe of Kajim so it’s mostly just brown and red.

Sitting behind this desk you see a tall man wearing one of those civilian uniforms. It looks kind of like a business suit and a uniform had a baby. It’s got wide lapels, but it also has a rank marker on the chest and it’s got shoulder epaulets and is tailored very finely. You see a tan Zabrak with lighter tan tattoos on his face and a crown of horns, and the warden looks at you and goes:

NICK (as Falx): Well as I live and breathe, if it isn’t Tink!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh my~ Hi… there. Uh…

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Falx): Tell me you remember me, Tink. It’s been so long.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, it definitely has. Oh yeah, heh, you know, those were the days. Is this actually, like, is this real mahogany right here? I can smell it.

[laughter]

NICK: You see the door slide shut as you and Ziller enter Falx’s warden office of this prison.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: And we’re going to cut back to Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes-yes, I agree. I think this all stems from some deep-seated childhood issues of abandonment which I am acknowledging and understand that I should work on and admit to myself that most of the abandonment I faced as a child was from outside forces and not those direct people’s fault.

NICK (as Filbert): Wow. I feel like we’ve made a lot of progress here, but I just wanted to pretend to be a Twi’lek girlfriend. I don’t know how we got to this point.

LILIT (as Xianna): You are just such a good listener.

NICK (as Filbert): It’s the Yoda ears.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): It really is. They are just so big and comforting. You know, you just want to talk about yourself.

NICK (as Filbert): I’m glad that I helped, Xianna. Looks like whoever got assigned guard duty in the library today isn’t coming. That’s interesting. Usually this is the easiest duty, the guards are always here, but we’re not being monitored at all.

LILIT (as Xianna): Interesting. How often do you say that happens?

NICK (as Filbert): I would say I’ve only seen it once, and I’ve been here 22 years.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh. How much longer is my shift here?

NICK (as Filbert): Uh…

NICK: He looks up at a large analog clock on the wall and looks back to you.

NICK (as Filbert): Probably about two hours. They shift the schedule occasionally. We just have to respond to the bell. It’s supposed to stop us from planning as easily.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, that is plenty of time then. Please cover me.

LILIT: Xianna wants to move the camera so it’s still aimed in the library but it is no longer covering the vent.

NICK: Okay. I don’t think you even need to roll for that. You’ve done enough research on it and everything.

NICK (as Filbert): Alright. I feel like we’ve really bonded learning about your relationship, so I’m feeling very loyal. I’ll make sure nobody comes in.

NICK: And goes and stands by the door.

LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you.

NICK: What does it look like as you get up to the ceiling to rearrange this camera?

LILIT: Xianna moves the hover cart underneath the camera and climbs up onto it to stand up and rearrange the camera, and then once the camera is angled away she wants to go over to the very large vent and start inspecting it to see the best way to open it up.

NICK: Yeah, so the vent is bolted in place, and not with a bolt that has an easy grip on it. It’s a rounded bolt. They must have used a custom bolt gun to put them in, because vents in prisons are not designed to be opened. The good news is this is something that you’ve seen before and you know how to make a hand tool that will be able to grip it and undo it by taking a few basic things apart and making sort of a grabbable hex wrench situation. You have seen these before, it’s pretty standard, but you do not have the materials on you to do it  now.

LILIT: Xianna’s gonna take note of this and then make sure that the camera is, while still angled away from the event, not noticeably angled when you are physically looking at it. She basically wants to see if anyone will come and fix the camera as an indication of how strictly they watch these.

NICK: So, you wait for about 20 minutes and you don’t hear anything, and Filbert leans away from the door where he’s been watching you and the hallway.

NICK (as Filbert): Hey, that’s a pretty good move. You seem to have a good idea for security… I think our guard isn’t coming. Uh… I kinda wanna introduce you to somebody. Will you come with me?

LILIT (as Xianna): That sounds fun.

NICK (as Filbert): Great!

NICK: He walks out of the library. Do you go with him?

LILIT: Yeah. Xianna hops down off of the hover cart and starts walking behind Filbert.

NICK: Cool. We cut away to the south cell block. As we see, covered in flour dust and cobwebs, this Tognath come out of a series of curtains and overlapping cloths that look like a part of the wall, and Karma is close behind him.

NICK (as Tognath): Welcome to the south cell block. I’m here to show you to our leader.

NICK: He starts walking along, and you can see that this building is very similar to the north cell block. It has a lot of gantries, it’s got open air cells, but some of these cells have walls instead of just the bars, and as you’re walking through you don’t hear any calls about fresh meat, everybody is very quiet and reserved. You continue down these gantries and it’s very quiet and dim in here, it’s not as well lit, and you come to the end of the hallway just as we see Filbert and Xianna coming the other way from a different gantry from the direction of the library, and you are both standing in front of a prison cell.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello~

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh hey.

NICK: And Filbert looks at the Tognath and says:

NICK (as Filbert): Endo! What are you doing bringing people over here to see Jeyb? It was my turn to introduce a new recruit.

NICK (as Endo): This one is too good to pass up. She’s already started three fights and it’s been less than a single day.

[laughter]

NICK (as Endo): We need to make sure she’s protected before anything bad happens or the guards get wind.

NICK: From deep within this cell – you see it goes way further back than you would expect, and there is the normal bunk beds and toilet grate and things like that, but then the cell keeps going further back like they took down a wall leading into another cell that just has straight walls, and there is a large comfortable chair up on a dais in there. You can see several prisoners standing around the chair, and the largest Herglic you’ve ever seen is slouched in this chair with rippling muscles. He looks blue whale inspired, so his jaw seems to start just above his bellybutton and come up in a big bullfroggy neck. He’s got huge arms with little fins sticking off of the forearms. You hear Big Jeyb say:

NICK (as Jeyb): Well don’t stand out there in the cold. Come on in and let me get a look at you.

CAMERON: Karma’s walking in and counting on her fingers, because she’s pretty sure she’s only started two fights, [giggles] and is trying to figure out what the third one was.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna skips right in.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello, I am Xianna. I see you have a toilet grate. We have one of those normal, like, regular toilets that comes up, but it has no seat on it. Can we ask for the grate toilet? Like, it is better for your posture to have one of the holes with the grate on it. How do we get that?

NICK (as Jeyb): It seems awful direct for you to immediately start talking about my bathroom situation when I, the ruler of this prison, is here to see if you are worthy of being recruited.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I am sorry, I just noticed that I have never been to a prison before where there are two different toilets, they always have one or the other, so it is just a very odd thing. Was this complex built at a different time and so then that is why there are two different types of toilets?

NICK (as Jeyb): Oh yes, you have the classical example of different contractors for different sections.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

NICK (as Jeyb): I could see about getting you a new grate especially if you come recommended by our good friend Filbert, but the first thing would be you would have to work for me. Let’s talk details.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. What kind of job?

NICK: [smiling] And we’re gonna cut away from the two of you standing in front of this giant whale person and jump back to Tink. Tink, you’re in an office with Falx, and he says:

NICK (as Falx): Well Tink, my friend, it sure is good to see you. Grab a seat. Can I get you a whiskey, a space gin?

HUDSON (as Tink): Whiskey’s fine.

HUDSON: I’m like in shock that Falx is in front of me right now.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: He quickly snaps his fingers and waves to Ziller, and Ziller very deferentially walks around the desk, opens up the globe where there’s a decanter of what looks like Corellian whiskey, and pours two glasses. He hands one to you and one to Falx, and Falx grabs the glass and looks at it and then slides both of them towards you.

NICK (as Falx): I don’t remember you being too much of a drinker, but I do remember you partaking, friend, so have a couple. We have much to discuss.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright…

HUDSON: Visibly uncomfortable, I start drinking one of the whiskeys.

NICK: Aww.

CAMERON: Aw, oh no.

NICK (as Falx): Well Tink, my good, good friend, you should know that you’ve always been my favorite. How did you come to be in the cage?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, if by cage you mean this prison…

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Falx): Well yeah, it’s the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility, “the cage,” that’s what we call it. It makes it sound more foreboding, but it’s also faster.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, KRIF, that’s what that… [stammers] Ka—uh, the facility, yeah. Anyways. So how I got in here. Yeah. So, I was doing my old hacking, you know, work… and ran into some trouble, like you do, and you know…?

NICK (as Falx): I do appreciate how specific you’re being with the situation regarding your incarceration.

HUDSON (as Tink): Honestly, I’m just a little bit surprised to see you, and it’s really just throwing me off my game.

NICK (as Falx): Why would you be surprised to see me, Tink? It’s a common transfer to go from being a regional governor to a warden. It’s basically the same thing. I mean, a minor demotion, but nothing I can’t get around. My brief stint as a smuggler didn’t go well, so I managed to talk myself into this position. It also helped that the old warden vanished mysteriously.

NICK: Ziller chuckles loudly from where he’s standing on the far side of the room.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yeah, uh… So, alright, I’m just gonna lay the cards on the table because we’re friends. I thought you died.

NICK (as Falx): Stories of my demise are greatly exaggerated.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, I saw you fall to your death, or what I assumed was your death. Do you not remember the last time we saw each other?

NICK (as Falx): Oh, my trusty pilot saved me with a shuttle. It was very dramatic and daring, and if you ever get any leads on where I can find that Sila Rowe let me know, because me and her have a score to settle.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, will do. Okay, making more sense now. So how I got here… So we got the Empire, and we got the Rebellion, and both of them are on my tail, right, because I’m hacking into both their systems. I got one hand on one keyboard, the other hand on another keyboard, hacking both of them at the same time. It’s craziness. What I was trying to get was the secret plans for both their bases so that I could sell them to each other… for maximum profit, and so it would be even so I’m not favoring one side, you know what I mean?

LILIT: [laughs]

NICK (as Falx): Neutrality must be honored. I really appreciate the way you balance the scales in both directions, Tink. Very impressive.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

NICK (as Falx): And you got caught.

HUDSON (as Tink): And I got caught… hard, and I got sent to this prison, and I’m just making my way through, just day by day. I went into solitary. That wasn’t fun.

NICK (as Falx): Oh no, solitary is designed to be terrible. It actually violates a lot of war conventions and things. You’re not supposed to send people there, but we do.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, I see. Well hopefully I don’t get there again, and I really appreciate this renewed relationship I have with Ziller. I think that me and him can do a lot of good for your objectives and whatever you need.

NICK (as Falx): So I’m gonna lay it all on the table for you, Tink. Ziller, cover your ears.

NICK: Ziller just glares at Falx, and Falx shrugs.

NICK (as Falx): Ziller’s a fucking nark.

[laughter]

NICK (as Falx): Ziller informs for me. Ziller does anything that I want, and you know why? Because Ziller does not like it in the cage. Ziller would like to leave. Would you like to leave, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’d like to leave.

NICK (as Falx): Then you should start by doing everything that I ask. Do you know what my objective is?

HUDSON (as Tink): Um… not being a warden anymore?

NICK (as Falx): Well that too, but the best way to do that would be to instill structure and society to this prison. You know how we’re going to do that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Force?

NICK (as Falx): Yes, exactly. I need you to kill Big Jeyb.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh… Oh, Big Jeyb, the big one, not the other Jeybs I’ve heard about.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from that to karma and Xianna. Jeyb has stood up off of his throne and his head brushes the eight foot tall ceiling. This is a massive Herglic.

NICK (as Jeyb): So you want to know the job?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, because how else am I going to do the job if I don’t know what the job is? Not to be rude, but I do want to know.

NICK (as Jeyb): Well, you both seem like trustworthy individuals who have done a good job in the prison so far.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Jeyb): So in that case I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m the real person who runs this prison. The warden is new and does not have enough control, and I need you to kill the warden.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK: And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.