Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 26:
A Night at the Song Bird

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

We have some new patrons to thank this week. Pash, thank you so much for your support. Tink says he lost his rubber bantha somewhere in the refresher, and we were hoping you could find it while the crew was out.

Christopher Todesco, thank you for your support as well. Now, keep this a secret, but HK actually destroyed the rubber bantha, so if you could run to the store and buy a new one for Pash to “find,” that would be great. Thanks.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

Now let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 26. Twenty-six is just a good number. That’s all I have to say about that. I’m your host and game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful. Next up we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson Reid Jameson… and first of his name… and I am playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: I’m honestly trying to remember if I knew your middle name before this moment. I’m not sure I did.

CAMERON: Did you not? Oh.

NICK: I don’t think so.

CAMERON: I knew.

NICK: … I think I knew your initials.

HUDSON: Yeah, that was probably it.

NICK: Huh. Okay, cool.

HUDSON: I forgot your middle name. Was it like Nicholas… Justin Robertson?

LILIT: Jefferaiah.

HUDSON: Jefferaiah.

CAMERON: [laughs] Yep, got it.

NICK: Yep, yeah, got it in one. There’s an S. It starts with the letter S.

HUDSON: Oh, oh… Samuel?

NICK: Close. No, not really.

LILIT: Symphonium.

NICK: Yep. Yep. Lilit got it.

LILIT: Yeah.

NICK: [laughs] Next up we’ve got Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Before we get started with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: Two light side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: [menacingly] One dark side.

NICK: Excellent. So, last time you all stealthily infiltrated the hideout of the Kemslingers. You were able to handily defeat anyone who stood against you, and you allowed the leader of the Kemslingers to escape into the sewers with the justification of “meh.”

CAMERON: Pretty much, yeah.

NICK: Yeah.

LILIT: Yep.

NICK: And you decided to return to the Song Bird to confront Keyna having figured out that she must have duped you in some way, because the artifact you were searching for was not there. That’s where we’re gonna start off.

[electric jizz begins]

We see the crew standing at a familiar doorway holding pizza cones… the entrance to the Blue Bantha Jizz Club. It’s quiet inside. You can’t hear music, but the bouncer is glaring at you from the doorway. There’s no line to enter, only a thin trickle of smoke coming from the entrance. What do you do?

CAMERON: Karma points at the sign.

CAMERON (as Karma): They should probably update that if they want people to call it the Song Bird.

NICK (as bouncer): Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna be too important anymore.

[music fades]

HUDSON (as Tink): How are you doing tonight, Buster Brown?

NICK (as bouncer): Oh, I’m doing just great, and you can call me Filo.

HUDSON (as Tink): Filo? I’m ‘feeling’ that.

NICK (as Filo): Ha! You’re funny. I’m the new bouncer.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, well can we take the pizza cones inside?

NICK (as Filo): No, absolutely not. No outside food or drink.

LILIT (as Xianna): What are you gonna do about it?

NICK (as Filo): Uh, beat you up. Keep you from entering. Bounce you, so to speak.

LILIT (as Xianna): What if I get inside before you catch me?

HUDSON (as Tink): Listen. Filo, Filo…

LILIT (as Xianna): What if I get in? If I get in before you catch me, do I get to eat the pizza cone inside?

NICK (as Filo): Well, then I’ll be chasing you around… like, if you can sprint and eat a pizza cone at the same time, I suppose that would invalidate the sign.

LILIT: Xianna slow-turns and looks at Karma and Tink, and has a look in her eye of like “I kinda wanna do this.”

CAMERON: Karma is doing the mom headshake, like “no.”

HUDSON: I do a headshake as well.

LILIT: But which way? Are you pro or anti Xianna running in to eat the pizza cone?

HUDSON: I’m actually just twisting my neck to make it crack. You can’t tell.

NICK: HK looks at Karma and looks at Tink and then begins to nod very slowly, in an affirmative gesture. The bouncer is shaking his head no. [chuckles]

LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink and HK, shakes her head.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m doing it.

NICK (as Filo): What is your plan? There’s only one door, and I’m in front of it. I’m almost as wide as the door.

LILIT: Xianna’s plan is to slide between the legs of the bouncer as if trying to slide in and steal a base.

HUDSON: In kriffball.

LILIT: In…

NICK & CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Yes, kriffball. It’s a very inappropriate name for a sport in Star Wars, but you know what…

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: Hey, some people are into that. That’s okay.

LILIT: Yeah. Yeah. What kind of check would this be, and why would it be Skulduggery?

NICK: How about Coordination? This seems like a very agile move.

LILIT: I can add a blue die for a rank in Stalker. I have at least one rank in a skill called Shortcut, and during a chase, add a blue die per rank in Shortcut to any checks made to catch or escape an opponent.

NICK: [laughs] I would say that for the duration of this shenanigan you will get the Shortcut applied.

LILIT: Great.

NICK: So this will be an opposed check against the bouncer’s Athletics. He is three reds and a purple, and he also has two black die because you told him what you were going to do. He is standing there like a catcher in kriffball prepared to intercept you as you try to get past him.

LILIT: … Would a despair and a triumph—? They don’t cancel out.

NICK: No!

CAMERON: They don’t cancel! [laughs]

NICK: They both apply. [laughs]

LILIT: Okay, so then…

CAMERON: You’ve got both.

LILIT: So a despair also has a failure.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: Uh-huh.

LILIT: Okay, so then I have…

NICK: [cackles]

LILIT: In this roll I have gotten a triumph and a despair, so no successes or failures, just a triumph and a despair.

[laughter]

NICK: Wow. So, because you did not succeed, you are not going to get past Filo the bouncer. That is the first bad news. What do you want to spend this triumph on?

LILIT: Xianna does not drop the pizza cone. Xianna has an almost gyroscopic hold on the pizza cone and not a single topping falls out of it.

[upbeat “shenanigans” music begins]

NICK: Great. The despair is that you juke left, you juke right, the pizza cone is perfectly preserved, even the steam rising from the still-hot treat is going straight up. You try to go between his legs, and, in a blur of motion, Filo grabs you by the collar of your jacket and just lifts you up in the air like a kitten, and we see Xianna with her mouth open and her tongue extended, like reaching for the pizza cone, and he’s holding her in front of him and doesn’t really look that inconvenienced by the weight of Xianna.

[music ends]

NICK (as Filo): Like I said, you’re not getting past me.

LILIT: Xianna does a weak little flail and kicks her boots about.

[chuckling]

LILIT: But then is able to move her arm and smoosh the entire pizza cone into her mouth.

LILIT (as Xianna): [with her mouth full] Okay fine, but now you have to let me in, because now there is no pizza cone.

LILIT: Cheeks just puffed out like a chipmunk.

NICK (as Filo): The club’s closed. You can’t come in. Nobody’s allowed… which I would have told you if you hadn’t been so focused on pizza cones.

LILIT: Xianna manages to swallow all of the pizza cone.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but we know the owner, Keyna.

CAMERON (as Karma): Also, we’ve been standing here for like 15 minutes. Why wouldn’t you mention that it was closed?

NICK (as Filo): I thought you were just looking at the sign trying to find a place for later. Well, that’s my mistake. Look, which of you is gonna take this little Twi’lek back? Because I don’t really wanna keep holding her in the air like this.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think you can just set her down.

NICK (as Filo): No, I must entrust her to someone’s care. She’s gonna try to get past me again.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is true. I will try again.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re not wrong.

LILIT (as Xianna): I cannot be trusted.

NICK: He turns his wrist so that Xianna is face-to-face with him, her legs still kicking in the air. His arm is long enough that she can’t reach him. He looks her in the eye.

NICK (as Filo): [reprimanding, like to a dog] No. No getting into the club, little Twi’lek.

LILIT (as Xianna): I will. I will shoot you if I have to.

NICK (as Filo): Whoa. Whoa, that escalated.

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly! That is what I am saying. We have very important business to attend to with Keyna, and we will get in there one way or another.

NICK (as Filo): You, big guy, you look like you’re in charge.

NICK: He looks at Tink.

NICK (as Filo): Take this Twi’lek and get out of here.

HUDSON (as Tink): I do look like I’m in charge.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Tink, Tink, turn around so I can do a piggyback ride.

NICK (as Filo): No, you have to grab her by the coat so she can’t kick you. I figured this out.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I would never kick you.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t believe you.

HUDSON: I grab her by the coat.

NICK (as HK): Secondary user, that is untrue. I have witnessed you kicking Tink on multiple occasions.

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, do not be a nark right now!

NICK (as HK): Is observation also being a nark?

LILIT (as Xianna): Stop it, HK!

CAMERON (as Karma): I guess, in certain situations, yes. You can observe and not say anything.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m sorry, Filo. As long as I just let them kick a lot they’ll tire themselves out.

NICK (as Filo): Yeah, that was kind of my thinking. But we’ll reopen tomorrow if you want to come back to the Blue Bantha.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no, but if Keyna finds out you are calling it the Blue Bantha she is going to be mad.

NICK (as Filo): Oh, uh… well the sign says Blue Bantha.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, it’s called the Song Bird. I’m going to tell her and you are going to get in trouble. However, if you let me in now, I won’t tell her you have been calling it the Blue Bantha, and I think you know that she gets very mad when people call it the wrong name.

NICK (as Filo): Oh yeah, I’m uh… super worried about what she’s gonna do if she finds out about me.

NICK: Y’all wanna make me Perception checks?

LILIT: I got nothing.

NICK: Oh, okay.

LILIT: Just entirely blank on the dice.

CAMERON: One success, three advantages.

NICK: Awesome.

HUDSON: I got one advantage.

NICK: So Tink and Xianna are a little occupied with their newly acquired pose. Xianna, are you getting tired from kicking in the air or can you do this forever?

LILIT: Xianna is trained and does surprisingly keep up with conditioning and workouts, so she can continue kicking for quite some time, and will.

NICK: [laughs] Continues to try to shake yourself loose from Tink.

LILIT: Not really trying to shake herself loose, just doing it more out of spite.

[laughter]

NICK: Just making it more difficult.

LILIT: To show that she can.

NICK: [laughs] Karma, while they’re engaged in that, and HK seems to be encouraging the behavior, you notice a couple of things.

One, this isn’t the same bouncer from before. The bouncer from before was… They’re both Human, but the bouncer before was average height, really wiry, somebody who tries to settle things by talking, you know the type. This guy is huge, muscly, and you’re not quite sure but just has the posture of someone who spends a lot of time in space, not really someone who would be planet-bound.

And if you want, with those three advantages, he appears to have some sort of weapon on his back. You can’t quite tell what it is, but this doesn’t look like a normal bouncer to you.

CAMERON: Hmm. Interesting. So I think Karma leaves the chaos that’s happening with the rest of the crew, kind of off to the side, and heads over to the bouncer. She just kinda leans against the door next to him and the door but obviously is not trying to enter the door, just has taken on the, you know, the recognizable kind of resigned stance of someone whose crew does this a lot.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: And she’s just gonna wait it out. If I am leaning back and am even with him, can I see what weapon it is?

NICK: It looks like a large vibro-machete. Like, it’s too big to be a knife but not quite a sword. It looks jagged and nasty. It’s a very uncivilized weapon.

CAMERON (as Karma): Whoa, is that a vibro-machete?

NICK (as Filo): Uh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Sorry, I’m kind of a collector.

CAMERON: Karma gestures to self and is quite covered in weaponry.

NICK: He looks a little uncomfortable.

NICK (as Filo): Uh… yeah, it’s uh… You know, when customers get too rowdy you gotta have something a little bit bigger to deal with.

CAMERON (as Karma): That does seem like it would accomplish the intimidation trip pretty well.

NICK (as Filo): Generally, yeah. I try not to pull it out, because bouncers don’t normally use weapons, I think.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if I would say that bouncers aren’t normally using weapons, but in an establishment such as this I wouldn’t be surprised if the bouncers were at least armed for if anything super rowdy started on the inside.

NICK (as Filo): What do you mean a place like this? This is a normal nightclub.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, but we were here like two days ago, and while yes, classy establishment, still, when a lot of alcohol is flowing, things happen.

NICK (as Filo): Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Um… can you, uh, give me a little space? You’re a little close to the door, and like you pointed out, you’re pretty well-armed. Making me a little nervous. I’d hate to have to call the city guard or something.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh yeah, no.

CAMERON: Karma scoots over. Does the stepping away of the kid being like it’s not me, I’m not near you. Very innocent, just picking at her nails.

NICK (as Filo): So… you all just gonna stand here all night? I mean, I’m enjoying watching the Twi’lek kick around, that’s kinda funny, but we’re closed, so be gone or whatever.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I was just planning on letting them tire themselves out, because then that energy’s gone and I don’t have to deal with it later.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is a joke on you, karma. I can do this all day! This isn’t even me on any impact. Just think about the possibilities if I did.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Alright. I think we should let this gentleman alone and head back. Maybe another pizza cone. What do y’all say?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I don’t have a pizza cone currently, so…

CAMERON (as Karma): Could we do like dessert pizza cones?

HUDSON (as Tink): We could do that.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. There is like a fruit filled one.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, alright ,let’s head out, all.

HUDSON: So I turn and walk away, holding Xianna still in my arm.

NICK (as HK): I shall follow Boss Man.

NICK: HK continues with you as you walk off down the street.

CAMERON (as Karma): So when are y’all opening up again?

NICK (as Filo): Uh… probably tomorrow. That seems right, like tomorrow, probably. Not tonight, that’s for sure.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Thank you. Have a pleasant evening.

NICK: As you turn to leave, the smoke gets a little bit thicker coming out of the door behind the bouncer, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

CAMERON: Does it smell like something’s on fire smoke or like someone is smoking a death stick smoke?

NICK: It smells like something has been smoldering. It doesn’t smell like the whole place is burning down, but it smells like “fire” fire, not like smoke fire.

CAMERON: Okay. Karma jogs to catch up with the rest of the group.

NICK: Please tell me y’all duck down an alley like 50 yards down the way.

[groovy jizz begins]

CAMERON: Oh yeah, as soon as the building ends we turn.

LILIT: Yeah, Xianna immediately says, still being held up like a small kitten by Tink:

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, so are we going to loop back around and just break in?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. So that’s not the same bouncer as before, he has a vibro-machete, and I think something either is still currently or has been previously on fire inside. And he couldn’t give me the operating hours for when they’re gonna be opening back up, and he seems very sketchy, and… I think something’s going on.

LILIT (as Xianna): That seems like a fair assessment.

HUDSON (as Tink): Most places have at least more than one door. That’s like a fire code thing, right?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

HUDSON (as Tink): And some of them have roof access.

CAMERON (as Karma): We learned that earlier. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): We did.

HUDSON (as Tink): So how do we get to the roof? Ladder or jetpack? I’m going jetpack, honestly.

CAMERON (as Karma): You have a jetpack?

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, where are you getting a jetpack?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I don’t have a jetpack.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t have one. I hadn’t gotten far enough along to know where to get one, I just want one.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Or, alternative method, you put me down and I just find a ladder and we go up. Or we just find a door.

CAMERON (as Karma): Or we see if there’s a door on the ground.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or a window.

NICK (as HK): Tink, why don’t you just try to throw Xianna onto the roof.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, that’s a great idea.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, please do not throw me. Don’t do that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, not this time, unless we need to. Don’t totally shut down the idea.

LILIT (as Xianna): No… I mean, I will keep my options open, I just do not feel like it is appropriate in this circumstance.

HUDSON (as Tink): Mm-hmm.

NICK: So, you all are trying to case the joint and figure out a way to get onto the roof?

CAMERON: Or just get in.

NICK: To get in, in general. Let’s make a Skulduggery check.

LILIT: Can do!

NICK: This one’s going to be… we’ll say hard, because the bouncer is being pretty vigilant, so you’re having to do it while the bouncer doesn’t notice you. And there will be a black die, because this place was a gang front, so like, it has security.

LILIT: Yeah, I’m gonna use my skill in Convincing Demeanor to remove a black die in a Skulduggery check. That is one success and three advantages.

NICK: Okay. With your advantages, would you rather have a ground floor door that’s not being guarded or go in through a skylight or a vent or something?

LILIT: Hmm. I think ground floor door that is not being guarded.

NICK: Okay. You are successful with this. Are you rolling too, Hudson?

HUDSON: Yeah, just to see what happens.

CAMERON: [laughing] Figure we may as well.

NICK: Okay. Yeah.

HUDSON: So I have a triumph with no successes and three threats.

NICK: Okay, we’re gonna come back to that. Karma, how did you do?

CAMERON: I just got an advantage.

NICK: Okay. Karma, Xianna starts to orbit this club at about a half block distance, ducking in and out of the shadows. You stay with her, no problems. Tink, you are unable to find any sort of entrance.

HUDSON: I get a call on my coms from none other than Donny Donaldson.

CAMERON: [laughs]

[coms ring]

LILIT (as Donny): Oh uh hey there, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Donny! How’s it going?

LILIT (as Donny): Good. Good. You know I filled that hole right up for ya.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh great! That hole?

LILIT (as Donny): Yeah, that one you called me about the other day, you know.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nasty bugger.

LILIT (as Donny): It was certainly a hole that I did indeed fill. Because you know, if you ever need a hole filled, I’m gonna do it for ya.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s what you always say, a lot. You say that a lot.

LILIT (as Donny): You know, it is almost entirely my entire business model there, so… it’s what I do.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, some would say there’s not a lick of personality besides hole filling for you, Donny.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Donny): You know, I see a hole and I wanna fill it, so… it’s my life calling.

HUDSON (as Tink): So, I’m outside of a club formerly known as the Blue Bantha, and I’ve seen there’s a lot of really well filled in areas around here. You familiar with the place?

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, that there building on Coruscant. I have filled some holes in that area.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ever filled a hole in the Blue Bantha?

LILIT (as Donny): I have indeed.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… can you describe it?

LILIT (as Donny): The hole or the building? I believe it was a hole leftover from installing some plumbing.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah.

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT (as Donny): Is there something specific you wanna know?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, keep this on the down-low, Donny, but we’re trying to get into this building to speak with a certain individual that they’re not letting us speak to, it seems.

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, well uh, if that’s the case, you know, you’re such a repeat customer, Tink—normally I would charge a consulting fee for information like this, you know me, but I’ll give this one to you for free.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

LILIT (as Donny): On the southwest corner of that building there is a sewage access hatch. It doesn’t actually take you straight to the sewage, quiet yet. It’s just a tunnel that leads to a few different other, you know, sewage access points. However, one of the tunnels does go right underneath that building.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh.

LILIT (as Donny): And you can go up and you can access the bathroom grate.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s very cool. That’s a really good thing to know—

NICK: Tink falls prone.

[dramatic bass noise, laughter]

LILIT (as Donny): Oh Tink, that sounded like a nasty fall. You okay?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, aw kriff. I scraped my knee. Ugh!

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, that one didn’t sound good. Sounded like you probably broke the screen of your com too. That’s no good.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. It had a little crack there. Ugh, alright. Well hey, this was great information. While I’m down in that access tunnel I’ll be looking for the telltale signs of Donny Donaldson filling holes in that area. You know what I mean, when you leave your mark.

LILIT (as Donny): Tink, I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say. You know that when I fill a hole it is seamless. You never know that I’m there.

HUDSON (as Tink): No! You don’t put DD for Donny Donaldson like etched in there?

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, I sometimes do that in the general area, but never right on the hole. I don’t want people to know exactly where the hole was. That’s the whole point of filling in the hole!

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s the hole point?

LILIT (as Donny): It’s the hole point!

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. I think I get it now.

LILIT (as Donny): Anyways Tink, I gotta go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

LILIT (as Donny): Okie-dokie. Bye.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you!

NICK: Click. Beep. Tink, do you attempt to meet up with Xianna and Karma or do you soldier on to go into this sewer hole?

HUDSON: I go to the sewer hole alone and don’t tell anyone.

NICK: Okay. We get a split shot of Karma and Xianna and HK leaning against a wall next to a door that appears unlocked and unguarded leading into the Song Bird Jizz Club, and then there’s a slash down the middle of the screen and we also see Tink on another side of the building crawling on his elbows, army style, through this grate that is tall enough that he probably could walk slightly bent over, but he’s army crawling down this tunnel.

As Tink is crawling through this tunnel, the screen goes to a full shot of the rest of the crew of the Afternoon Delight, and the interior of the club is not in good shape. There are blaster bolts that have scorched the walls, and the bartender is sprawled across a table on the side of the room looking like he’s been shot. There are no patrons in the club, but you can tell that the staff put up a fight. You can’t tell how many people must have attacked this place, but it must have taken a well-armed group to take it down.

The statue of the blue bantha at the entrance has been demolished, and the private booths on the second floor are burned out. It looks like someone took the time to toss grenades up there. The room looks otherwise deserted.

CAMERON: Karma goes over and checks the pulse on the bartender who’s laying there.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello!

NICK: So Xianna’s calling out to see if anybody’s there. Karma checks the pulse. The bartender is extremely dead.

CAMERON: Oh.

NICK: As you roll him over to reach to his neck for a pulse there’s a large blaster hole in his chest.

CAMERON: Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Is anybody home?!

NICK: From backstage you hear the rattle of some kind of conflict and someone yelling:

NICK (as Keyna): [muffled] Hey, I’m back here!

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but who is back there?

NICK (as Keyna): [muffled] It’s me, Keyna. Quick—Agh!

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know… Karma, it is probably a trap, but we should go look.

CAMERON: Karma’s got her carbine out, so… I kick open the door.

NICK: So you kick open the door to see the back hallway behind the stage, and there’s another door that leads into Keyna’s dressing room, and you can hear the sounds of a struggle within. Do you also kick open that door?

CAMERON: I open that door calmly.

NICK: Oh, you open that door calmly.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Wonderfully. Xianna, do you go with her?

LILIT: Yes.

NICK: So we see Karma take point and Xianna and HK close behind as Karma calmly opens the door. You can see that the dressing room has been completely tossed. Stuff is thrown everywhere. There’s some errant blaster bolts. Keyna is leaning against a wall clutching her side. Her dress has been burned away slightly and there appears to be some sort of ruffian.

There’s a Besalisk wearing a jumpsuit with powered brass knuckles on each of his forehands and his large head is facing towards Keyna, and you can hear him saying…

NICK (as Besalisk): Come on. You had some stuff in here. Where’s the rest of it?

NICK: …and he looks like he’s about to punch her.

CAMERON: I’m gonna shoot him.

NICK: Okay. Roll me a shoot. It’s an easy check, you’re at close range, and you get two blue dice because he is not paying attention. He’s busy interrogating Keyna.

CAMERON: Cool. Okay, I’m gonna aim.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: He hasn’t gone yet this encounter.

NICK: Technically he has, but not in an encounter with you.

CAMERON: I haven’t seen it! [laughs]

NICK: Anyway, that’s fine.

CAMERON: So a triumph, three successes, four advantages.

NICK: So that’s several crits and how much damage?

CAMERON: Sixteen.

NICK: So this guy is dead. Where do you shoot him?

CAMERON: Was he facing away from us or kind of sideways?

NICK: Yeah, he’s facing away from you towards Keyna.

CAMERON: Okay, yeah, just in between the shoulder blades. All four of the shoulder blades. [laughs] So center of back, actually, I guess.

NICK: [laughs] Yeah. You blast him right in the middle of the back, and his arms, all four of them, fly up in the air, and he collapses face-first on the ground. You know that you basically cored this guy out. He’s dead. Keyna looks up still holding her side.

NICK (as Keyna): Well it’s about time somebody showed up.

NICK: She focuses past you, Karma, because she never actually saw you, did she?

CAMERON: Nope! We never interacted.

NICK: And sees Xianna and says:

NICK (as Keyna): You! Well I’m glad you brought some friends who can fight.

NICK: HK gives a little wave.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, we are not here to fight “for” you. Well…

LILIT: And Xianna pauses.

LILIT (as Xianna): …I guess in a way, because we are here to talk to you, so if we had to fight to get to you, we are doing that, but we’re not like fighting “for” you if you catch my drift. Because you fucking lied to me, and I do not appreciate that.

NICK: She pushes herself away from the wall and sits in the chair that’s in front of the vanity, and it spins around so she can face you. She’s still got one hand pressed to her side.

NICK (as Keyna): How bad does the club look out there?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, it is a mess, just like an absolute disaster. Like, just a trash dumpster fire of a building.

CAMERON (as Karma): First floor, structurally okay, you got some blaster bolts on the walls. Your second floor, all of the booths are burned out, still smoldering.

NICK (as Keyna): Ah kriff.

CAMERON (as Karma): Your bar staff is dead.

NICK (as Keyna): Ugh!

CAMERON (as Karma): The bars looked intact.

NICK: She looks sad. Her highlight feathers turn a somber purple.

NICK (as Keyna): That’s a shame about the staff. Hopefully some of them got away, because we’re gonna need some vengeance after this.

CAMERON (as Karma): I only saw one bartender, inside.

NICK (as Keyna): Okay good, that means the others maybe made it out. And yes, I did lie to you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. This all sounds like a you problem and not a me problem. I am just looking for the yellow crystal, and you made me pretend to be a ghost. It was fun and all, but like, I did not get the crystal and I had to kill a guy to do that, so I would just like the crystal now so I don’t have to kill you. Okay?

NICK (as Keyna): You… Wow, there’s a lot to digest with that sentence. Hopefully you killed more than one person. The deal was for killing all of them.

LILIT (as Xianna): I  mean, but the deal was also that I would get to keep the yellow crystal, and guess what, it was not there.

NICK (as Keyna): Well.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I think we killed most of them, but some of them ran away because there was a ghost, and I don’t think they’re ever coming back, so like same thing.

NICK (as Keyna): So it’s finally over. You got rid of the Kemslingers… Thank you. Yes, I did lie, but trust me when I say they were the worst scum of the galaxy and they deserved to die. Thank you for killing them, or convincing them that there was a ghost… I’m gonna admit, I was not expecting that.

CAMERON (as Karma): I wasn’t either.

NICK (as Keyna): It’s a bit of a surprise.

NICK: You can tell—When you first met her, Xianna, Keyna had very much the ditsy show person personality and then when you threatened her she got pretty serious, and now you’re seeing the character underneath. Her eyes are hard, and she is only mildly distracted by the blaster wound in her side, and she’s evaluating you all.

NICK (as Keyna): So at this point, honestly, I probably would have just given you the crystal. I didn’t expect you to succeed. I had it… uh, operative word is had. The assholes who turned over my club took it from me. For real this time. I understand that sounds a little suspicious, but…

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, I do have follow-up questions, but first, do you need this?

CAMERON: And Karma holds out either a med pack or a stim, because she’s got both.

NICK: Probably a stim.

CAMERON: Holds out a stim pack.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, thank you.

NICK: She takes it and jabs it into her side, and takes a much deeper breath and the blood slows down coming out of her side.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, that is better.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Now who are these assholes?

NICK (as Keyna): I’m gonna admit, I haven’t seen them before. That was part of how they got in so close through my security. Normally my group is a little bit better defended than this, but they came in with overwhelming force. I’m glad only one person died and that we weren’t open yet for the night. That’s good. They were led by some sort of Tognath. I’ve never seen him before. Kept yelling about trying to find their piece of the Broken Force.

LILIT: Xianna throws her head back.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. This is so complicated! Okay, ugh. Do you have any idea where they are now?

NICK (as Keyna): Well, they never said the name of their leader, but they did mention that they were getting back to Lessu. I don’t know why they said it in front of me. Probably because they were gonna kill me, honestly, but I’ve never heard of a planet called Lessu before.

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] Oh my god. Oh, it is not a planet. It is a capital city. Oh my god. Okay, fine. Thank you very much.

LILIT: Xianna just looks so pissed and walks over to the vanity and starts rummaging around some of the drawers and then finds a very large jeweled necklace and just holds it up, points to it.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am taking this, because you lied to me and I want it, so I am taking it now. Okay? Thank you. I hope you have a good evening and that you survive the night. Goodbye.

NICK (as Keyna): Surprisingly benevolent of you. That’s, uh… that’s just costume jewelry.

LILIT: [smiling] Xianna throws it into the nearest little trash bin.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay! No. You are pointing me out a real one.

NICK (as Keyna): They tossed this whole place. Do you think they didn’t find it?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, okay! Fine. Whatever.

LILIT: Xianna rummages back into the trashcan, picks up that necklace, throws it back into the little jewelry box, and picks up the whole jewelry box and leaves.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am taking the whole thing then! Goodbye and kriff you!

NICK: As Xianna stomps out of the room, HK’s head swivels 180 degrees to watch her go. Tink, you’re still in a tunnel, just so you know.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: As Xianna walks out of the room, in the distance, almost like far away, you can hear an echoey voice start to sing.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday.

CAMERON: [laughs]

[ominous music begins]

LILIT: The camera zooms in on Xianna’s face as she slowly turns around and stares down this empty dark hallway, and it pans forward and the voice just begins to echo.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. Is there… Is this… Is that a ghost?

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): There’s an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, oh wait, never mind. Tink! Tink, is that you, or are you a ghost?

HUDSON (as Tink): [hums loudly to Piano Man]

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, tell me that is you and not a real ghost. I am having a bad day and I do not want to deal with a ghost.

[ominous music fades]

CAMERON: Hudson, I need to know. Does Tink actually have a harmonica or is he making those noises with his mouth?

HUDSON: He’s making those noises with his mouth.

[laughter]

CAMERON: Okay. I didn’t know how prepared he was.

[ominous music returns]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. I don’t care if you are Tink or a ghost. I’m leaving now. I don’t need to deal with any of this.

HUDSON: Right in front of Xianna, as it gets louder and louder, suddenly the grate right in front of her feet pops open, and Tink jumps out and says:

[ominous music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): Sing us a song, you’re the piano man!

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink… I cannot deal with this. I am so sorry, friend, but we have… we are going. Okay. Here, you carry this.

LILIT: And shoves the jewelry box into Tink’s arms.

NICK: From the doorway you hear:

NICK (as HK): Primary user, sing us a song tonight.

HUDSON (as Tink): Because we’re all in the mood for a melody!

NICK (as HK): And you’ve got me feeling alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, we are going now.

NICK: Karma, as you turn to follow your singing friends, Keyna says:

NICK (as Keyna): Wait. Wait, wait. I don’t like being in debt to people, and I imagine you’re gonna be back on Coruscant at some point.

NICK: She reaches under the chair where she’s been sitting and she pulls out a blaster and then sets it in her lap and reaches under the chair again and pulls out a small wooden box. She hands it out to you.

NICK (as Keyna): These are the real ones. I’d like you to share it with your friend. I’m not going to apologize, but hopefully this is close enough.

CAMERON: Karma takes it and opens the box. What is… What are we talking here?

NICK: It’s a simple necklace of yellowish gems that line on a silver chain. It’s very pretty. It’s elegant. You’re not a jeweler, you’re not sure how much it’s worth, but if the gems are real it’s worth probably a couple thousand credits.

NICK (as Keyna): That’ll cover the stim pack and the job, I guess. If you’re ever back on Coruscant, I hope you’ll stop by the Blue Bantha. Fuck.

CAMERON (as Karma): Song Bird?

NICK (as Keyna): I hope you’ll stop by the Song Bird again.

CAMERON: Karma closes the box and hands it back.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think you’re gonna need this more than us, actually, and the people who care have already left the room.

NICK (as Keyna): Wow.

CAMERON (as Karma): Save us… I want one of those booths reserved.

NICK: She smiles real wide and her feathers turn a chipper yellow color and she takes it back.

NICK (as Keyna): Yeah, we’ll keep you the best one in the house. Thanks. I’m Keyna, by the way. I don’t think we’ve been introduced.

CAMERON (as Karma): Karma. Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you, but it was mostly from Xianna so it hasn’t been great, I’ll be honest.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, well… sometimes when people are a little bit too similar, you know.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm. I very much appreciated and enjoyed your performance, though, when we were here a few nights ago.

NICK (as Keyna): Thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): I hope you’re able to recover from this. The bantha statue got destroyed. That’s a bonus, right?

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, that’s a relief. Well I guess it’s time for me to start rebuilding. If you could leave me to it, I think I’m gonna be okay now. Thank you for the stim pack.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. Good luck.

CAMERON: Karma wants to leave via the front door.

NICK: Okay. So, Tink and HK and Xianna, are you headed to the front door or the side door?

LILIT: What we see is we get a star wipe to the inside of the Blue Bantha slash Song Bird, the main area. There’s burning tables, trash everywhere, smoke in the air, and walking through the smoke is Tink and HK, arms thrown around each other, squishing Xianna into the middle, just a little sandwich, and Xianna looks so unhappy to be there, and HK and Tink are just singing away.

NICK: You all get to the front door and Tink kicks the door open and you see Filo turn around surprised.

HUDSON (as Tink): And man, what are you doing here?!

CAMERON: From behind the singing trio comes a blaster bolt from Karma shooting the bouncer.

NICK: It strikes Filo right between the eyes and he collapses to the ground, and HK’s head swivels 180 degrees.

NICK (as HK): Nice shot, Karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): [sweetly] Thanks.

NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.