Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 36:
Minor Fraud and Major Flirting

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

First up, we have a new iTunes review. **BioZombie231, thank you for taking the time to tell others about the show. We really appreciate it, and we’re glad you’re excited for what comes next.

This episode features a Patron-created NPC! Isaac **Vars the Human thief was created by Jose **Guerrero. Thank you so much for your continued support, Jose, and I had a lot of fun playing as Isaac. Speaking of Patreon, we’re only $26 away from our next Patreon goal and we could use your help. Please consider supporting the show. The next tier will include us beginning to stream on a regular basis and will give me an excuse to buy X-Wing miniatures and probably a new board game. Give me an excuse to buy spaceships and support us on Patreon.

Additionally, we will be at GenCon in less than a month. Friday at 1 PM we’ll be doing a panel on Gaming in an Established Canon and we would love to see you there. We will also be throwing a Tabletop Squadron party Saturday night. If you’re in the area and want details reach out to the squad on Twitter or on our Discord and we can provide the info.

Music this week is Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 Allegro by Advent Chamber Orchestra.

Now let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 36 of Tabletop Squadron. Spring is here, and it has sprung! And by that I mean—

HUDSON: What? [laughs]

CAMERON: [laughing] What?!

NICK: I don’t know. I just… It’s like a thing… people say.

LAURA: I’m very confused.

CAMERON: Do you know when this episode is going to be going up?

NICK: Oh, like way after spring I’m sure.

CAMERON: Okay great. Cool.

NICK: Like, mid-summer is here and it has summed.

[dog barks, laughter]

LAURA: The dogs are upset.

CAMERON: Batman thought it was good.

NICK: Oh, Batman thought it was good. So, we’re gonna go around the table. Everybody introduce yourselves, say what character you’re playing today, and if you’ve spent any experience since the last time we played go ahead and let the folks at home know what you spent it on, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I play Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I’m hoooarding my points.

LAURA: I thought you were gonna say you were hooorny.

HUDSON: [musically] I hooorny~ No.

NICK: Your points.

HUDSON: I’m horny my points.

[laughter]

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: Horny for those points.

NICK: Great. Awesome. Glad that’s now entered our vernacular as a podcast. Great, thank you. Up next we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I did spend some points. I bought a talent on my Skiptracer tree, so I am now Nobody’s Fool!

NICK: What does that do?

CAMERON: I may upgrade the difficulty of incoming Charm, Coercion, or Deception checks once per rank of Nobody’s Fool!

NICK: You spent those experience points so that you could just say Nobody’s Fool, didn’t you?

CAMERON: [smiling] It’s almost as fun as Street Smarts!

NICK: [laughs] Great. Last up we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. I bought another rank in Coordination, and then I also bought a new square on my talent tree, a new talent on my talent tree. It’s Toughened, and I gain a +2 on my wound threshold, and I need that.

NICK: That’s a very good idea.

LAURA: Yeah. I now have a 13 for my wound threshold. It’s an improvement.

NICK: That’s a lot better than the 9 you started with.

LAURA: Something like that.

NICK: Yeah. It was pretty low.

LAURA: I think it was 11. I think it’s 10 plus your Brawn and Brawn was 1.

NICK: That would do it.

LAURA: Tink has like 17, so…

HUDSON: Yup, 17.

NICK: That’s a lot. That’s like two people worth of… Anyway.

HUDSON: I’m a big’n.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: You’re a big boy.

NICK: Before we move onto the next thing, let’s do the Destiny Roll! Look at me for remembering all the steps.

CAMERON: I’m so proud of you~

NICK: Yeah!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: One light side.

NICK: Alright. That starts us off with two dark side points and one light side point. That’s a small pool for the session. So, last time, what happened? You got into a volleyball tournament, you had to recruit some people, you found Web-Web for some reason, Web-Web did not want to play volleyball with you, you made a new friend who decided not to become your permanent friend…

CAMERON: [long heavy sigh]

NICK: …you won the volleyball tournament, you had secret pizza?

CAMERON: Yes.

HUDSON: At the volleyball tournament we met our…

CAMERON: The us from an alternate dimension.

HUDSON: The us from an alternate universe, yes.

NICK: Yeah, like the bizarro-world Afternoon Delight. Yeah.

HUDSON: Yes. Wasn’t it the Morning…?

LAURA: The Mourning Despair.

NICK: Yeah, I wrote that down too. [laughs] They will never come back. You will never see them again.

CAMERON: No, the Mourning Despair is what our ship is called right now. That’s what we registered it at the docks.

LAURA: Oh.

HUDSON: They were something else, their ship.

LAURA: I don’t have that.

NICK: They were Something Else…

HUDSON: Oh yeah.

NICK: [laughing] Am I missing anything on the recap, volleyball and secret pizza?

HUDSON: And then we signed up for a baseball tournament.

LAURA: No!

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: That is going to happen someday.

HUDSON: Yes!

NICK: Alright. Let’s play some Star Wars I guess.

HUDSON: Pew-pew.

NICK: The camera pans up on the planet of Sesid in the resort town of Thrinaka on its own private island. It’s late morning. You had a successful day yesterday. Hank has let Xianna sleep in if she so chose.

LAURA: She did.

NICK: Okay, and by that I mean HK. Damn it!

LAURA: It’s Hank. Ha-ha!

NICK: What is everybody up to on this lovely summer morning?

CAMERON: Drinking a tiki drink, obviously.

NICK: Obviously, goes without saying.

CAMERON: Yeah.

HUDSON: Yep. Same here. Drinking a tiki drink. I got sunglasses on… I think I just found them. I don’t remember having sunglasses.

NICK: They came on your breakfast platter.

HUDSON: Oh, that’s so great.

NICK: Big old sunglasses. It’s a very nice resort, and you do have the nicest room in the hotel, you upgraded to that, so that does make sense. Hanging poolside?

CAMERON: Probably, so that Tink could get some more slide time in.

HUDSON: Yeah. I’m poolside after I overstay my welcome at the breakfast buffet.

[laughter]

NICK: Great. Xianna, what are you up to?

LAURA: Sleeping. If the breakfast buffet is still happening it’s too early in the morning for Xianna to be up.

NICK: Seems fair. I do need to point out that it goes from breakfast buffet straight into just putting out additional food and it becomes a brunch buffet.

LAURA: Yeah, brunch is still too early. When it becomes the lunch buffet, that is when she will know it is time to wake up.

CAMERON: By the change in smells coming through the room.

LAURA: She’ll know in her heart that when she starts smelling burgers, and no longer smells eggs and maple, because they’ll overlap for a little bit during brunch, but once the maple smell is gone that’s when she wakes up.

NICK: Okay…

LAURA: And I don’t know why she would be able to smell that at the top of the building, but for whatever reason she can.

NICK: It’s just a sense.

CAMERON: The breakfast buffet is actually what our private chef has been making us in our room.

LAURA: Ohh!

CAMERON: So it’s right next to your room, that’s why the smells happen.

LAURA: It might also just be that when the private chef comes in and asks if I want brunch I say no, I’m sleeping, and then when lunch happens…

CAMERON: Wake me up when lunch happens.

LAURA: …that’s when she gets up and with an oversized hat, oversized sunglasses, and a large mug of caf, goes down to the pool.

NICK: Does anybody check to see if your contact has arrived?

LAURA: Oh, of course not.

HUDSON: Nah.

CAMERON: Karma probably checked in the morning. That’s what she did yesterday morning.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: She does her morning walk with her tiki drink, gets to the ship parking lot, checks the register, exchanges her empty tiki drink for a new tiki drink at the parking lot side tiki bar, and then walks back to the hotel if she doesn’t see the Tallahassee Quagmire.

NICK: So, it’s pretty much an exact repeat of yesterday with the sunrise and Karma looking very relaxed looking at the board, looking at the ocean, not seeing the ship that you’re looking for, and wandering back.

CAMERON: I ask to get a lid for my tiki drink and then I swim back.

NICK: Ooh. They have what we talked about the before, the air seal, make sure nobody messes with your drink seal that they do, so it’s water tight and you can just tuck it into your hip or just swim with three limbs instead of four.

CAMERON: No, the tiki cup has one of the breathing masks for a scuba tank so that you can drink it while you’re swimming underwater. Somehow Nautolans can drink underwater, because they live underwater.

NICK: Well, it’s like amphibians and stuff, and fish, they just absorb the water they need.

CAMERON: But what if, I mean, do you just dump the tiki drink out in front of you and then swim through it and that’s how you get drunk if you’re a Nautolan?

LAURA: I just imagined that they didn’t have drinks.

CAMERON: No, they have to have drinks.

LAURA: Or they only consume them in airlock rooms, or waterlock rooms, rooms where they push out the water and there’s air in it.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Nautolans are definitely amphibians, right, because they have tadpole babies?

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: So really all you would need is to make a cloud of alcohol that you could then wave your hand at and then you would absorb it.

CAMERON: They just have alcohol gloves that you put on. [laughs]

LAURA: Theoretically.

NICK: I really don’t like this technology. The aesthetics are displeasing to me.

CAMERON: Somehow it works.

LAURA: I just assumed they don’t have drinks under the water.

NICK: They can do whatever they want. Kit Fisto definitely parties hard whenever he wants, because he’s a cool dude.

CAMERON: Uh, yeah!

NICK: Cool. We open up I guess mid-lunch down by the pool. Everybody has met together and is relaxing. What riveting radio we have created.

[laughter]

LAURA: So exciting.

HUDSON: I doze off.

CAMERON: I’ve been hanging out with my Mon Cal surf instructor friend.

NICK: Oh yeah… That was a thing.

CAMERON: That I met the first day.

NICK: Cool~

HUDSON: Some kids who are playing in the pool splash water on me and I wake up angrily and growl at them.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Except you’re wearing your translator so it says ‘growl noise, growl noise.’

HUDSON: ‘Grr-grr-grr-grr-grr.’

[laughter]

CAMERON: ‘Bus breaks.’

NICK: ‘Bus break noises.’ So, you all have a few options on how to spend your day. Based on Sentinel’s timeline that he gave you, he didn’t say specifically when the contact would show up but you know based on how much earlier you were from what he thought he was that your contact’s probably gonna show up pretty soon. You have a couple of leads. There’s also more fun activities to do around the resort. What all do you want to go after?

LAURA: Xianna is in the pool, hat and sunglasses still on, and she’s trying—she’s just sexting what she thinks is Nolaa’s com number. She’s not 100% positive because no one’s responded yet. Also, what would the word be for…? It’s not sexting really because it’s not a text.

NICK: Som…xting. Somxting? You have to take the word text and switch that out for com but still say sex. Com…exting. Scomxting.

LAURA: I don’t like somming, and I don’t like semming. [laughter] Neither of those are good options.

HUDSON: I like semming.

LAURA: No.

CAMERON: No…

LAURA: I’m just gonna say sexting.

NICK: I think sexting is probably the best way to go. I don’t really like the—

CAMERON: We have definitely sent texts before through our com links.

NICK: Mm-hmm. It’s more interesting if everyone has pseudo-smartphones except when I don’t want you to, so that’s what we’ll do.

CAMERON: We have like, **razors.

NICK: You get the **jorgan fruit emoji back from the coms number, but that’s it.

LAURA: She’s okay with that.

CAMERON: [chuckles] All things considered, decent response.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: So, around this time you’re all standing by the pool and a protocol droid toddles up to you and has a little silver tray with a little folder on it and hands it—I guess Karma and Tink are next to each other on lawn chairs or whatever, or deck chairs?

CAMERON: Yeah, with HK next to us, also laying on a lawn chair.

NICK: Yeah. In a rare show of organic-ness, HK has turned to face the sun and has turned his optical receptors off and is just staring into the sky seeming to enjoy himself, basking almost. Xianna’s in the pool nearby. This protocol droid toddles up and hands Karma this tray with this little folder on it, and it’s a bill for expenses so far. The protocol droid says, ‘You never really specified how long you would stay, but we wanted to update you on your expenses.”

CAMERON: “Thank you.”

NICK: “You’re welcome,” and it toddles off.

CAMERON: [grinning] Karma’s gonna look at the folder.

NICK: It’s about 8,000 Credits so far.

HUDSON: That is covered by Sentinel?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: No, you had that argument. He said you can keep track of what you’re spending but he’s probably not going to reimburse you.

HUDSON: How many credits do we have?

LAURA: In total? I don’t know. I personally have about 700. I don’t know what you have personally.

CAMERON: I’m gonna plead the fifth. [giggles]

LAURA: Also, Xianna’s idea was that we skipped out on the bill, so…

CAMERON: Karma’s idea was we were gonna go talk to… **Gangem the bartender who makes the best mojitos who could get us a deal.

LAURA: That we could then skip out on.

CAMERON: “Uh, hey, Xianna, come over here.”

LAURA: “Okay, but um… what if you come over here? I am in the pool.”

CAMERON: “We’ve got alcohol.”

LAURA: “Okay~” [laughter] She climbs up out of the pool and walks over. “What is it?”

CAMERON: “So, they just handed me this.” I show the total figure at the bottom.

LAURA: “Okay, and yes, we are going to skip out on it, so why does that matter?”

CAMERON: “Guys, I’m NOT wanted right now, and I realize Tink’s name is the only one on it, but still.”

LAURA: “Technically neither am I, so I don’t really care. We could just leave.”

CAMERON: “Or we could go talk to **Gangem.”

LAURA: “Okay, but we still have to pay money in that scenario.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, but less money.”

LAURA: “yes, but still money.”

CAMERON: “Yes, but less money.”

LAURA: “Okay… but it is money that I did not plan on spending.”

HUDSON: “I’ll go in on it.”

LAURA: “So like, just now I did order a whole bunch of stuff to get sent to the room that is not going to be on that bill, and I don’t want to pay for it.”

CAMERON: “It’s okay. We can get an itemized receipt and put those in your name.”

LAURA: “I ordered them under Tink’s name, so…”

HUDSON: “Whoa!”

CAMERON: “I mean, the front desk will let you change that, though.”

HUDSON: “I mean, we’re buddies, we’re pals, but that’s a little out of line.”

LAURA: “Well no, because technically the room is under your name.”

CAMERON: “That is true, and you’re the one who said you wanted the fancy penthouse suite.”

LAURA: “You did.”

HUDSON: “I did want the fancy penthouse suite, so I’ll go in on the bill. How many credits do you have, Xianna?”

LAURA: “Look, how about we do this. If you two want to pay for the room, you can, and you pay for your portion, and then I will just not pay my portion.”

HUDSON: “That’s not how this works.”

LAURA: “But it could!”

HUDSON: “No, if we give partial payment then they’ll ask for the rest right then.”

CAMERON: [laughs] “That’s how that works.”

LAURA: “I have never paid for a hotel or apartment room in my entire life and I do not plan on it now.”

NICK: … Hmm! [laughter] That has a lot of implications for like, the amount of times the story has started with Xianna in an apartment and things like that.

LAURA: [smiling] yes!

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: [laughing] What an interesting character trait you have decided.

LAURA: I mean, I feel like it’s pretty fitting if you’ve been paying attention to how she operates this entire time.

HUDSON: ‘I’m wanted by 16 apartment collectives across the galaxy.’

LAURA: [laughs] “Also, alternative plan, what if Tink hacks into their system and sends the bill to someone else? Like Falx. We don’t like him, so you know, send it to him!”

HUDSON: “Oh… We don’t like Falx, that’s true.”

CAMERON: “Is he dead?”

HUDSON: ‘he’s not dead.”

LAURA: “I don’t think so.”

CAMERON: Did we get an answer on that?

NICK: No one’s looked.

LAURA: “I got a maybe I think.”

CAMERON: Yeah, we asked Mills about it, but I don’t think Mills gave us an answer.

NICK: he wasn’t sure.

CAMERON: Hmm.

LAURA: “I mean, but if no one is sure, his accounts have probably not been frozen yet.”

CAMERON: “Or they’ve been taken over by the Empire, because Falx kind of murdered that governor.”

LAURA: “Yeah, so we send the bill to the Empire, the Empire takes the bill, and then we don’t pay! Basically, do you see the theme I am going with? We don’t pay.”

CAMERON: “I was seeing that theme. Yeah.”

HUDSON: “That’s a theme. Alright, how about this? What if I try to put it in Falx’s name, but if I can’t you will help us with the bill?”

LAURA: “No… Maybe.”

HUDSON: “Oh, it’s a maybe? A no-be.”

LAURA: “A no-be…”

HUDSON: “That’s a combination of the two, and that’s closer than I thought we’d get.”

NICK: “Did somebody say my name? My name’s Ben, Ben Onobi.”

HUDSON & CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Just some guy in a banana hammock with a really nice beard walks by.

LAURA: “Oh, no, sorry.”

CAMERON: “Oh, sorry Old Ben.”

NICK: ‘Oh, I resent that name.”

CAMERON: “That’s apparently what everyone calls you.”

LAURA: “You can’t just call anyone old. He’s not even that old.”

HUDSON: “That’s ageist.”

LAURA: “You just call any random 60-year-old old, that is offensive.”

CAMERON: “No, it’s just any man named Ben, it’s just old Ben.”

LAURA: “Oh! Is this like a cultural thing for Nautolans, like anyone named Ben is old? It’s like a nickname?”

CAMERON: “I think it’s a Tatooine thing actually, pretty sure that’s where I picked it up.”

LAURA: “Huh…”

NICK: “Well, I’m not from there, so thanks a lot for, uh—“

CAMERON: “Oh, you should check it out, there’s lots of sand.”

NICK: “Oh, you think so?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. If you like beaches… without water… let me recommend Tatooine.” [laughs]

NICK: “Sounds great. Well, that’s it for Old Ben Onobi, never to appear again,” and he walks off into the water.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: And then a shark eats him. I don’t like that NPC.

CAMERON: Oh no!

[laughter]

NICK: Blood everywhere!

HUDSON: ‘Why is there a shark in the pool?! Who did that?’

CAMERON: Whoops.

NICK: It sounds to me like you’re working with three different plans right now. You could either skip on the bill, wait for your contact to show up and just boogie out and hope it never comes up again. You could try to hack the registry to charge Falx and therefore the Empire for your ludicrously high bill. Or, you could go try to meet up with this **Gangem guy and see what the discount looks like and what you would do from there.

CAMERON: Or, we could try them in an order, and just do all of them. [laughs]

LAURA: “Plan A through C. Plan A: We don’t pay. Plan 2:–“ [laughter] “Plan 2: Tink hacks into the system. Plan C: I guess we pay.”

HUDSON: “Let’s reverse A and 2.”

LAURA: “So, Plan 2: Tink tries to hack into the system.”

HUDSON: “Is now A.”

LAURA: ‘No, it’s still Plan 2, we just moved it in front of Plan A.”

HUDSON: “Got it, 2, A, C.”

LAURA: “2, A, c.”

CAMERON: “I’m not okay with this ordering system.”

HUDSON: “2, A, C, it makes sense. No, it doesn’t. We didn’t start from the real starting number. It should be 0, A, B, for the original number.”

LAURA: “No, it would be 0, A, C.”

HUDSON: “No-no-no, you don’t start at 1, you start at 0.”

CAMERON: “So yeah, 0 was originally 2… Wait.” [laughs]

LAURA: Xianna has her fingers out. “Okay, so if 0 is now… If 1 is now 0, then 2 is now—Okay, okay, so Plan 1, then Plan A, then Plan C.”

HUDSON: “yes.”

LAURA: “Okay.”

CAMERON: “Can we change A to Alpha? Because I’m feeling uncomfortable with A and C both being options.”

HUDSON: “Alright. What if it’s like… C as in Capple, and then—“

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: “Yes, so Plan 1, Plan A, Plan Capple.”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: [smiling] “Oh okay… I mean, that’s better I guess. Which one are we doing first?”

LAURA: “Plan 1.”

CAMERON: “I thought we were gonna do Plan 0?”

LAURA: “Plan 0 is now Plan 1, because—It was not Plan 0, it was Plan 2, but Tink says that we start at 0, so if 1 is 0…  is 1, so it’s now Plan 1.”

CAMERON: [nervously] “Okay, okay, I think I followed that.”

LAURA: “And Plan 1 is Tink hack into the system.”

HUDSON: Suddenly Tink tries to be cool and says, “This is so galaxy brain.”

LAURA: “Okay!”

NICK: “Assertion: I have a literal giant AI for a brain and I am confused.”

CAMERON: “Just go with it, HK.”

LAURA: “So Hank, can you hack into the system and make Falx pay for it? You haven’t met him, but you would not like him.”

NICK: “Thoughtfully: I have some vague memories of him. I’m not sure why.”

LAURA: ‘Oh, that is not good. That’s not good, right?”

CAMERON: “Huh…”

LAURA: Xianna’s looking at Karma and Tink. “That’s not a…?”

CAMERON: “Wait-wait-wait! The murder robot, at the party, right?”

LAURA: “There was a murder robot at a party?”

CAMERON: “You don’t remember the murder robot?!”

LAURA: “What party?!”

CAMERON: “It came jumping into the room and shooting and yelling things.”

LAURA: “There was a party? Heh. When?”

HUDSON: “Yeah, it was on Mustafar.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, on Mustafar, Falx’s party where he murdered Silpin and you almost got us all killed.”

LAURA: “Oh. Okay, that actually sounds familiar.”

HUDSON: “Well, to be fair, I put the Rancore Protocol in the robot. It was my bad.”

CAMERON: “That might be why you have memories!”

NICK: Hey, editor Nick, you’re gonna have to go find that and slice this in.

[flashback begins]

NICK: “Hello, my name is Whist. I couldn’t help but see that you’re trying to do some computer technician work. I happen to be particularly suited to that type of work. How can I help?”

HUDSON: “Oh, I don’t need any help. Thank you.”

NICK: “Oh no, I must insist. I am programmed to be helpful.”

HUDSON: I look left, and look right, and regardless of what I see I grab Whist and run to the hallway.

[laughter]

HUDSON: I think I may need to flip a point for this, but I have a data spike that can shut off that signal and put the bot under my control.

NICK: You think you grabbed that one, but instead you jab the Rancore Protocol into this droid.

HUDSON: Oh, my…

NICK: Yeah. The droid appears to be deactivated right now.

HUDSON: I push the on button.

NICK: It turns on. It looks at you and goes, “Filthy human, I’ll destroy you for this!” And all the arms come up, and there are corkscrews and blasters…

ALYSON: And scissors.

NICK: …and scissors, a magnifying glass for some reason.

ALYSON: [smiling] Yeah, yeah, definitely.

NICK: Pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew! Pew! Tink comes running out of the hallway with a gesticulating Whist going around the room and saying “There’s been a murder~!” Pew! Pew-pew-pew!

[laughter]

NICK: Whist drops back. You see he has a little tick that you’re not used to. Some of his lights are glowing red instead of the usual yellow they have, and his voice sounds different.

ALYSON: Okay. Hmm.

NICK: “Extrapolation: I just hate you organics,” and he shoves him.

[flashback ends]

NICK: “Clarification: Additionally, what part of my skillset makes you think that I am adept at slicing?”

CAMERON: “The AI brain, I think.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Also, I am not good at slicing and computers so I don’t really know.”

HUDSON: “Are you trying to get rid of my number one skill in this group?”

LAURA: “No, I thought you could both hit on the keyboard at the same time and hack together.”

HUDSON: “No, that’s not how that works.”

CAMERON: “I think what she was thinking was you could hack the system by hitting on the keyboard and HK could hack the system by hitting on the computer.”

HUDSON: “Oh…”

CAMERON: “Like AI to AI.”

HUDSON: “Oh. You can kind of loosen it up a little bit.”

NICK: “Observation: If I am needed to punch a terminal. I will.”

CAMERON: “That is not what I meant. [laughs]”

HUDSON: “Oh, no, no. I need you to form a relationship with the terminal.”

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: “You can’t just ask someone to do that, Tink!”

HUDSON: “No, that’s exactly what Karma just said! Hit on the terminal, on the computer.”

CAMERON: [laughing, spluttering] “No, not with the terminal, with the AI. Not the physical machinery.”

HUDSON: “The AI hitting on the AI. Yeah, no, I didn’t mean loosen it physically I meant loosen it emotionally so I can break into it easier.”

LAURA: “Or do both, if that is something you are comfortable doing.”

CAMERON: [laughing] This was a weird suggestion. I’m sorry.

LAURA: “If it is not something you are comfortable doing then do not.”

HUDSON: “You’re assuming Hank has free will.”

CAMERON: “Uh…”

LAURA: “I feel like he does…”

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: “He does unless you give him an order. That’s very rude.”

NICK: “Objection: While my free will is rudimentary, I don’t appreciate the assertion.”

LAURA: “You can’t just say things like that, Tink.”

HUDSON: “I’m sorry. It’s not like… Listen, I control computers.”

LAURA: “But a computer is not the same thing as a droid.”

HUDSON: “You’re right.”

NICK: “Angry Statement: I can flirt with an AI if I want to.”

HUDSON: “Do you want to?”

CAMERON: “That’s right, HK, you can!”

LAURA: “Yes, you can, but you shouldn’t if you do not want to, only if you want to.”

NICK: “Theoretic Query: Would seducing a computer be a skill that requires practice?”

CAMERON: [laughing] It depends on how awkward the other AI is…

LAURA: “You know Hank, I think that is going to be something you will have to find out on your own. I have no answers for you.”

HUDSON: “There’s actually an answer to this.”

CAMERON: “It’s a skill that everyone has to learn. You know, you’re not gonna learn if you don’t practice. You know, just go talk to them.”

HUDSON: “Actually, whoever created your AI, were they awkward, Hank?”

NICK: “Conclusive Statement: Probably.”

HUDSON: “Alright, then you’re gonna be awkward, but practicing will make that go away. Take it from me, I am the master of love.”

NICK: “Hesitation: I’m concerned about where this is going.” And we’re gonna swipe to whatever the fuck is about to happen.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: So, we need a couple of things. Your plan is to have Hank distract the AI system that runs the financial database for this resort…

HUDSON: Distract is the wrong verb.

NICK: Okay, what verb?

HUDSON: Seduce.

[laughter]

NICK: Seduce the glorified calculator accounting program, while you hack into it and assign it to somewhere else. Flip me a dark side point. The network is very rudimentary. You’re going to have to sneak into the back stage of this hotel to find any sort of access to the financial records. You can’t just do it from your room. Are you and Hank going it alone? Are you gonna try and sneak through the service corridors and stuff and find a computer room?

HUDSON: Yes. “Alright, Hank, here’s the plan. I’m gonna be wearing my sunglasses because my eyes just give me away at all times. I’m gonna be wearing one of those—“

NICK: “Clarification: You are worried about looking suspicious.”

HUDSON: “Correct. That’s why I’m wearing sunglasses. I’m also going to be holding a drink. Now, I don’t drink, keep the edge, however—“ [laughter] “There’s gonna be alcohol in this drink and I’ll pretend to be sipping on it so that if we get found out I can pretend like I’m a very drunk tourist with my drunk droid friend and we have just wandered into these corridors looking for our room.”

NICK: You get that hard drive noise of the slight clicking, and then he just resets and looks ready to do whatever. He’ll follow your lead. I guess I need a Stealth roll. Karma and Xianna, are you all just hanging out while all of this goes on?

CAMERON: I guess so.

LAURA: I got the feeling that Tink didn’t invite us.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: It kind of seemed like it was gonna be a bro trip, so…

NICK: What’s Tink’s Agility?

HUDSON: Two. [chuckles]

NICK: Alright. This is gonna be a combined check, because you’re trained in Stealth and HK super isn’t. Oh no, actually he has a point in Stealth, but he also has 4 Agility.

HUDSON: So just roll a bunch of dice?

NICK: What’s your Stealth training?

HUDSON: Three.

NICK: Roll one green and three yellows. Y’all are competent.

CAMERON: Tink has super squishy, soft feet.

HUDSON: What is the difficulty?

NICK: Difficulty is going to be average, because it’s just a hotel. They’re not expecting this.

HUDSON: A triumph with a success, an additional success, and an advantage.

NICK: Interesting. You know, just a little peek behind the DM screen here, I’m very interested that the complication for the triumph and the complication for a despair are the same in my head right now.

[laughter]

HUDSON: Wait, what?

NICK: Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. So, with all of that going on, we get a quick montage of Tink and Hank. They are in the main lobby and there’s the swinging service doors that go past the breakfast room or whatever, and you step into that. The decorated beach style Jimmy Buffet extravagance that was going on in this resort is replaced with just plain white walls, the stained concrete floors that are really easy to maintain, it’s very utilitarian back here. We get shots of Tink and Hank pressed up against a wall as room service carts go by. There’s a point where some security detail people, there’s some Draedans with their green scales and their big shark teeth and they have radios on their polos and capri pants. They’re going by, and Tink goes ‘Quick, kiss me!’ and they duck around the corner and start kissing and the security guards just avoid them and go on.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: You start to approach a server room. It’s pretty easy to find, everything’s really labeled. I think it was funny.

HUDSON: I thought it was funny.

CAMERON: [laughing] I’m just picturing—Tink’s wearing a translator over his mouth and HK’s a droid.

NICK: Oh yeah. It’s definitely just metal clinking together.

HUDSON: ‘Wait! Kiss me!’ [scrapes something against microphone]

NICK: ‘Bus breaks, bus breaks, error.’

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: So, you start to approach the server room. You push open the door and you see a figure already there, and it appears to be furtively tapping with one hand on a keyboard, and we’re gonna cut back to Karma and Xianna. what are you two up to?

CAMERON: “Hey Xianna, do you wanna go tiki bar hopping?”

LAURA: “Um, did you even have to ask me that?”

NICK: [smiling] The camera zooms out and you’re already at the first tiki bar.

CAMERON: We’re sitting at a tiki bar leaning against it. We both have tiki drinks.

LAURA: “Part of me thought that was already the plan. I’ve been to four today alone.”

CAMERON: “I think this is my… This is either my third or fourth one. I don’t remember. I didn’t go to the pool one, but I did go to the one at the landing strip, so I think I’m at four. Anyway, I was thinking we could look for the bartender who could potentially get us a deal.”

LAURA: “Well, so the bartender is right over there.” She points to the bartender.

CAMERON: “We have to find the correct one, though.”

LAURA: “Oh, the one that will give us a deal.”

CAMERON: “Yes.”

LAURA: “Okay. If we’re going to stick the bill to Falx, do we really want a deal?”

CAMERON: “Not necessarily, if it works, but we do just as a backup plan. We can go to all of these tiki bars and ask who the bartender is and if they know him, and then even if we don’t end up using it we still went to all of these tiki bars, so I don’t think we’re really wasting our time.”

LAURA: “Yes. I guess we can do Plan C while Plan A is happening, and we tiki hop. I guess.”

NICK: Now I have this great idea of Karma and Xianna being each other’s wingmen and picking people up while doing that. Is that an arc that you guys would like to do?

CAMERON: Haaave you met Xianna?

LAURA: “Ello~!”

NICK: Yeah. [laughs] I don’t know. That just seems really adorable to me, and a bonding thing. If you want to do that, great, if not—

LAURA: Xianna will start doing that without any prompting. She’ll just go up to people and be like, “Ello, so my friend over there I think is single, pretty sure, like 80% sure she is single. She is a hot mom, and if you want to go buy her a drink and say hello you should.” And she’ll wink a little bit.

NICK: “Cha!” It’s just a really burly… I don’t know, surfer.

CAMERON: Probably at the same time Karma is talking to the person next to her. “So you see that purple Twi’lek over there?”

NICK: “Oh yeah.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, so… I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but she was telling me earlier how attractive she thought you were and how she really would like to get to know you a little bit better, so…”

NICK: “What? Really?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. She was making eyes at you while we were over by the pool, so I think you should go buy her a drink.”

NICK: “Yeah, at this all-inclusive resort, that’s a great idea.”

CAMERON: “I mean, it’s the thought that counts.”

LAURA: [laughs]

NICK: Xianna, you’re approached by a Barabel. They’re like velociraptor aliens. They’re pretty cool. They’re kind of like the Trandoshans but bigger, stronger, scarier, more alligator-like. He offers you an extra-large tiki drink.

LAURA: “Well thank you.”

NICK: “It’s premium.”

LAURA: “Well thank you. Can you hold on for one second?”

NICK: “Yeah.”

LAURA: She types into her com to the number she’s pretty sure is Nolaa’s, ‘new phone who dis?’ Send, and then turns back to the Barabel. “Okay. Well, we can chat for a few minutes. I do have to see what that response is before fully engaging in the flirting. I’m like 20% sure I’m dating someone, but you know, only 20% sure.”

NICK: “Well, I mean, we could at least get to know each other a little bit.”

LAURA: “Yeah, yeah.”

NICK: “My name’s Klassk.”

LAURA: “Hi Klassk.”

NICK: “I have a tattoo of a Jedi on my bicep that swings its lightsaber when I flex. Wanna see?”

LAURA: “Yes!”

HUDSON & CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: “Okay. One, I love it. Two, where did you get it? I have a friend who needs a tattoo and I think that would look perfect on him. Three, um… I don’t have a point three. Heh.”

NICK: And we cut over to Karma and… it’s a really burly, like Baywatch-looking Human, bleach blonde hair, nice tan, red board shorts. “Cha. Heard you were looking for someone to hang out with.”

CAMERON: How old does this person look? [laughs]

NICK: Uh… like 28-29? “The name’s Crush!”

LAURA: Oh yeah. Xianna was like ‘oh, this guy’s older, that’ll be…’

[laughter]

NICK: “We’re here on spring break!”

CAMERON: Xianna’s like ‘I don’t know, they’re older than me, that’s how old Karma is.’

LAURA: ‘Older than me? Yup.’

CAMERON: “Where are you traveling from?”

NICK: “Uh… You know, it’s weird, I just suddenly drew a blank. I was just looking at how beautiful you were, and…”

CAMERON: “Aw, that’s very sweet.”

NICK: “…forgot. Actually, I’m studying Xenology at Coronet University.”

CAMERON: “Cool!”

NICK: “Working on my PhD!”

CAMERON: “Nice!”

NICK: “Yah!”

CAMERON: “Sweet.”

NICK: “I’m here to study the Draedan culture. Some people say that the resort has been a cultural deficit, but I think it shows, I don’t know, like business or something.”

CAMERON: “That is a VERY good point.”

NICK: “My catchphrase is CHA!”

CAMERON: “… You know, sweetie, I had noticed that.”

NICK: [laughs] “Can I get you a drink?!”

CAMERON: “Yeah, that’d be great…”

NICK: [smiling] He turns to the bar and signals to the Draedan. The bartender looked like they were going to be offended when this Human said they were studying them xenologically, and then when the thesis kind of fell through and turned to be more of an economics thing than a xenology thing they just kind of shrug and hand over some very shiny tiki glasses.

CAMERON: Nice!

NICK: You notice them get on a stepstool to reach the top shelf stuff, mixing things.

CAMERON: Woo.

NICK: Also, as the Human turns around, you notice his back is very muscular and very fancy… which is hard to do, as somebody who tried to lift a weight once, it’s hard to make your back look all muscly.

CAMERON: Karma’s very impressed but is still very much of the opinion that this is a very young person.

NICK: Oh well. He’s gonna keep talking to you.

CAMERON: I mean, she’s gonna keep talking to him about his hopes and dreams, and how college life is going, and what made him pursue his PhD.

NICK: Make me an Education check…

CAMERON: Oh no. Why? [laughs]

NICK: Make it hard.

CAMERON: Oh no…

HUDSON: [breathy] Make it hard.

NICK: God dang it. [laughs]

CAMERON: I don’t have anything for Education.

NICK: This guy does.

CAMERON: Well, obviously. [laughs]

NICK: I’m just proving a point using the game mechanics. Don’t worry about it. As a GM right now I’m like should I have introduced like a silver fox guy? Like, what is Karma’s type? I don’t even know.

CAMERON: Probably at least her age. [laughs]

NICK: Eh.

CAMERON: Heh! One success, two threats.

NICK: Cool. With that you’re able to pretty much follow the structure of his thesis even though he keeps getting distracted by—he says it’s your beauty, but you think he just keeps looking at the ocean and being distracted, and he’s just a little airheaded on that front. You’re able to follow the structure of his thesis and you’re able to see kind of what he’s going for, and it’s actually some pretty cool research that could kind of change some understanding if people read his papers. The threats are that it’s not particularly interesting to you, him talking about like “…and that’s why synergistic interpretation of people’s different cultures can lead to, like, a better overall understanding, you know?”

CAMERON: “Yah.”

NICK: “Yeah! Now you’re getting’ it!”

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: We’re gonna cut back to Tink and HK. You get into the server room, and it’s dark, it’s lit only by the flickering view screens, and there’s someone hunched over one of the keyboards typing with one hand. He turns around and says, “Oh hey, I’m almost done here. If you could just, uh, shut the door on your way out I’ll be getting out of here. Just moving some data around, you know, that kind of thing.”

HUDSON: “Sounds abnormal. Who are you?”

NICK: “Observation: This appears to be some sort of security breech.”

“Hey, yeah, I don’t know what your droid is talking about. I’m here- I’m fixing- I’m cleaning the network… tubes.”

HUDSON: “Now, you’re right that the network is a series of tubes, however they don’t need to be cleaned as often as you’re cleaning them, it appears.”

NICK: “Hey, uh… That’s great. Who are you?”

HUDSON: “I am the resort IT guy.”

NICK: “Really?”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

NICK: Hmm. I think we need to do some sort of opposed Deception check.

CAMERON: Hudson, please make Nick keep talking to himself as this NPC and Hank.

NICK: No~!

[laughter]

HUDSON: What difficulty?

NICK: It’s gonna be two purple and a red. … Uh-oh.

HUDSON: I have two failures and an advantage.

NICK: “Yeah… You’re not a Draedan, so gonna have to say you are not the resort IT, buddy. Come on in, shut the door, let’s talk this through.”

HUDSON: I go and shut the door.

NICK: He pulls out a blaster and aims it at you. [laughs] “Alright, here’s the thing.” You get a good look at him. As you shut the door the lights turn on. He is a pretty short Human. He has tan skin, he looks kind of like a scrawny teenager. He has curly hair that’s cut into a trendy undercut, and you notice that where his left arm would be there’s a sleeve that’s neatly pinned up, and in his right arm is a hold out blaster that he is pointing at you and apparently ignoring HK. “Look, I was here first. I’m trying to rob this place. I need you to go away or I’ll have to shoot you, and I would feel really bad about it.”

HUDSON: “Alright, so how about this. You let me go first. I’m doing something much less illegal than you are.” [laughter] “You could even think of mine as a prank, almost. So, if you let me do that then you can go on with your heist, and we won’t have a problem, and I won’t mention anything and you won’t mention anything.”

NICK: “Hey now, I never said it was a heist, I’m just appropriating some data…” You can see that the screen that was up is actually just a bunch of error messages and he has a data spike just jammed into a terminal very sloppily. The system is just crashing. Whatever he was doing was not really working. “Look. Yeah.” He holsters his blaster. “I’ll let you go first. Do you think you could help me with the thing that I’m trying to do? That could be cool. I’ll let you go THIS time.” He takes a step back and just looks really anxious and a little worried about the situation.

HUDSON: “Let’s talk more after I go.”

NICK: “Uhhhh… Okay fine.” And we’re gonna cut back to Xianna and Karma. Are you still at the same tiki bar?

CAMERON: We have bounced to a new tiki bar.

LAURA: Yeah, new tiki bar.

CAMERON: So, we’re on our next tiki bar. We have been asking the bartenders what their names are.

NICK: Okay. Did you drop those two dudes?

LAURA: Yes.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Okay. As you’re leaving the bar, you get a text ,Xianna, on your com that says ‘Aw, harsh,’ and has the ‘XD’ and also the eggplant emoji.

LAURA: “Okay, I don’t think this is Nolaa… Okay, well let me—“ and she’s going through numbers trying to find the one she thinks is Nolaa, and then when she finds the one she’s pretty sure of she sends some peach emojis.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. We’ll leave that for a minute. This tiki bar, it’s gotten into night, a lot of people have the glow-in-the-dark stripes on their clothes and the paint and it’s very super cool and trendy. All the tiki glasses light up. There’s a lot of black light everywhere. There’s another Draedan at the bar mixing mojitos.

CAMERON: Ohh.

NICK: You notice as you walk in the bartender smiles to you and their teeth light up.

CAMERON: Nice.

NICK: Like the scary black light smiles, and it also kind of looks like a tiki drink, because you just see their glowing eyes and their big, scary, jagged teeth… and you go into the bar.

CAMERON: I’d say Karma and Xianna have probably acquired leis at this point…

NICK: Yeah, for sure.

LAURA: Yes.

CAMERON: …that have the lights in them, because it’s gotten dark. They’ve been getting slowly more festive as the tiki bar adventure has progressed.

LAURA: Absolutely. Xianna has probably acquired various other outfit items that are light-up, and you have no idea where those came from, just suddenly her hat has lights on it but it looks like they’re built into the hat, and you didn’t know that before, so you’re not sure if it’s the same hat or not.

NICK: I’m picturing Xianna in one of those hats that’s also a bowl for chips and dip, like sombrero thing.

CAMERON: [gasps] And you just break off a piece, stick it in your guacamole and eat it. That’s disgusting, but I very much like the idea at the same time.

LAURA: Xianna would absolutely never wear a chip and dip hat. That is 100% a Tink thing. You know Tink would wear a chip and dip hat.

CAMERON: But he’d get fur in the guacamole…

LAURA: She did order one, and it is in the room. [laughter] One of the things she ordered in the morning was a chip and dip hat.

HUDSON: This wouldn’t have been my first chip and dip hat.

LAURA: It wouldn’t have been.

[laughter]

NICK: Oh boy. So, you’re at the bar. What are you doing? Are you hitting on more people?

LAURA: Yes, still uncoordinated, sending other people over to the other person. They still have not said that they’re doing this or talked about it in any way, but they’re doing it.

CAMERON: No. [laughing] And they’re just picking people.

LAURA: So now they’re both a little confused about why people keep coming over and being like ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ Heh.

CAMERON: And Karma’s like ‘Why are all of these people so young?!’ [laughs]

LAURA: Yeah! [laughs]

NICK: I want you to design the NPC you’re sending at the other character.

LAURA: Okay. Now Xianna goes and she sees this really, really buff Bothan, so Xianna goes up to her. “Oh hello, how are you doing?” Xianna’s not actually sure what Karma’s into, so she’s just gonna send everyone she sees.”

CAMERON: [laughing] Which is making Karma even more confused.

NICK: I’m picturing like Zoya from Overwatch but as a cool cat-lion person.

LAURA: Oh yes. Bothan Zoya, so you can do a Russian accent.

NICK: It’s not gonna be good.

LAURA: Is it Zarya?

NICK: Yep.

LAURA: [laughing] Zoya the Destroyer is from Glow, which is also Russian, so it works.

NICK: [laughs] Oh boy. “Well hello. What can I help you with?”

LAURA: “Hi. So, do you see my Nautolan friend over there?”

NICK: “Oh yeah. I think everyone saw her when she walked in.”

LAURA: “Yeah. I am pretty sure she is single if you want to go talk to her. You should go talk to her, buy her a drink.”

NICK: “Are you, like, friends or…? Why are you just sending me to go talk to this random person?”

LAURA: “Um… Oh, I mean, I think she would maybe say we are friends. I would maybe say between work associates and friends. I don’t know if, like, she knows my birthday or anything. I don’t know her birthday. I don’t actually know if she has a middle name or not and I feel like a friend should know if you have a middle name or not… So like acquaintances? That live on a ship together.”

CAMERON: Karma 100% knows all of that information about Xianna because it’s in her profile for the bounties.

LAURA: [laughs]

NICK: “Well, it sounds like you just put up a lot of reasoning for why she’s not your friend, but you’ve also put a lot of thought into it, so you should probably think about that a little on your own.” She hands you her tiki drink which is brand new and she gets another one off the bar. “You should probably drink that,” and she goes to talk to Karma. Who do you find to send to Xianna?

CAMERON: So, they’re probably about 27 years old, a male Zabrak, red, with black tattoos, wearing a lei and little lights on all of his horns. It’s very festive. It kind of looks like a crown. Why are you making faces at me?

LAURA: His name is—

NICK: [smiling] What’s his leg situation?

LAURA: It doesn’t matter! His name is **Luam.

NICK: Yuck.

LAURA: And that is just Maul backwards.

CAMERON: [laughs] Yup. You can’t see the leg situation. He’s wearing essentially a long towel around his hips.

LAURA: I thought you were gonna say a grass skirt.

CAMERON: Ooh, better, yes. He’s wearing a grass skirt.

NICK: Festive.

CAMERON: And has a kind of sheer robe thing on that’s open showing his muscular chest.

NICK: He’s got the lean hunter physique. Yeah. What do you say to this random guy to get him to go see Xianna?

CAMERON: Karma’s basically been using the same speech at every single one of the tiki bars. “Hey, do you see that purple Twi’lek?”

NICK: “Yeah?”

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: ‘I’M LUAM! GRR.’

CAMERON: Karma kinda goes, like ‘ick,’ but very slightly though.

NICK: ‘Make my day!’

CAMERON: “Yeah, so she was telling me as we walked in that—I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but she was saying how attractive you are, and I know that she’s too intimidated to come up and talk to you herself, so that’s why I’m here. You should go talk to her.”

NICK: “The hunt begins.” He stalks off.

CAMERON: “Have fun.” Ehh…

NICK: God damn it.

LAURA: I also enjoy the two different tactics in that Karma is doing the lying, ‘oh, you should go talk to them, because they were eyeing you.’

CAMERON: ‘They were so into you.’

LAURA: ‘They were telling me they were so into you,’ and Xianna’s just like ‘yo, you see that person? Go talk to ‘em! I’ma drink.’ Heh.

NICK: Yup.

CAMERON: Part of the reason that Karma’s is working is because she has serious mom energy and is walking up to all of these people who are closer to Xianna’s age, and being like ‘hey, do you see that purple Twi’lek? I think it would be a good idea if you went and talked to them.’

NICK: Cool.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: We’re gonna cut back to Tink, HK, and this thief guy. Are you slicing the computer?

HUDSON: Yes, I’m slicing the computer, but before I do I say, “What’s your name, friend?”

NICK: “Oh, um, you know, I don’t do this a lot, but I feel like just doing introductions in the middle of a job, maybe not the best idea. You know?”

HUDSON: “No, your handle, not your name.”

NICK: “Handle… Oh, right, slicers do that. Handle… Um, call me Lucky, I guess. Yeah.”

CAMERON: Ishmael. [laughs]

HUDSON: Ishmael. [laughs]

NICK: “Yeah, just call me Lucky. Yeah, I do this all the time. I’m definitely a slicer. Yeah. Do your computer thing.”

HUDSON: “Of course you are!”

NICK: “Yeah… It’s fine.”

HUDSON: Alright. I do my slicing.

NICK: Cool. The computer is only average, but because it’s got a lot of lockdown situations it’s gonna have two black dice.

HUDSON: So, remove one—well, I’m not defending computers check.

NICK: Are you using your data breaker?

HUDSON: [gasps] I do. I didn’t even look over there. I have Bypass Security so it removes the other one.

LAURA: I got you.

HUDSON: Thank you. I am using my data breaker so -1.

NICK: Doesn’t that give you blue dice?

CAMERON: It should give you two blue dice.

HUDSON: Yeah, it does give me two blue dice. Thank you all.

[laughter]

NICK: You’re welcome.

HUDSON: Four successes and four advantages.

NICK: Yeah, this whole system is super yours. You can do whatever the heck you want in it. You open it up, you slice in very quickly. As you’re typing through all this stuff, you have your data breaker plugged in, I think you pulled the data spike out of the port and stuck your data breaker in and everything opened up. You get the Windows boot up noise. It starts updating and you use that as a way to get into all of the admin files, and you’re just in. At this point the guy that you caught trying to do exactly that is leaning over your shoulder. “Hey, where did you get that cool box thing? That seems really helpful.”

HUDSON: “Oh, you have to know people.”

NICK: “Ooh, that’s vague. Look, tell you what. You’re doing your thing and then you’re gonna do my thing, right? Help me out? I’ll help you out. I don’t know how, but I’ll do something.”

HUDSON: “How are you gonna help me out?”

NICK: “Um… I don’t know. I’ll give you some credits. I have some. I could pay you. Once I get this job done that’ll clear my debt and then I could do whatever. I’m a useful contact… I know how to juggle. What do you want?!”

HUDSON: “You know, I got friends in my life, I’m at a nice resort just enjoying myself, I don’t know if there’s much more I need especially now that my bill has been transferred.”

NICK: “Oh cool! You transferred your bill?”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

NICK: “How’d you do that? Show me how you did that.” He’s leaning around your shoulders trying to see what you were doing.

HUDSON: “I don’t think so, bucko.”

NICK: “Aw man. I just- Do you need like an apprentice or something? Because I need to learn some new skills.”

CAMERON: [laughing] Hudson’s looking at us like ‘do I adopt this child?’

HUDSON: [laughs] “Sorry, I have something big going on right now, and I just don’t have the time, but tell you what, don’t shoot me, I’m gonna peace out now—“

NICK: “Wait! No!”

LAURA: ‘And then I’m gonna create some online tutorials.’

[laughter]

NICK: “Wait. No. Can you just download the visitor logs or whatever onto this data spike before you log out? I’m just supposed to get the visitor logs for these guys, these real scary dudes. If you could just do that, that would be really helpful, and then we can part ways as new friends. I’m Isaac, Isaac **Vars. See? You know my name now.” He holds out his hand to shake.

HUDSON: I shake his hand. “Who are the scary guys you’re working for?”

NICK: “Got in bad with some Black Sun actually. I’m not even from here. They just kind of dropped me on planet, said I have to do this, and then they were gonna bring me back.” He’s like still shaking your hand while he’s talking. “But if you could, I don’t know, just help me with this piece… You won’t even see Black Sun. Black Sun, thing of the past. If you could just help me with that, that would be great.”

HUDSON: “So here’s what I’ll do. I’m feeling generous today. I’ll help you out.”

NICK: “Yes!”

HUDSON: I go in and I download the visitor logs. Before I download them I remove all of our names from them and then pass him the logs.

NICK: Ooh. ‘Hey, thanks man. You’re just- You’re a stand-up guy. You know, they say there’s no goodness in the galaxy, but I think there really is.”

HUDSON: “So, can I get a favor in the future? Can I hit you up for something?”

NICK: “Sure man! Yeah, whatever you need.”

HUDSON: “What’s your com number?”

NICK: He hands you a number, and then you guys turn to leave?

HUDSON: Yep, we part ways.

NICK: Cool. As he’s leaving he slips and bumps into you a little bit. Can I get a Perception check please? And flip me that dark side point.

HUDSON: Difficulty?

NICK: It’s gonna be two red and a purple.

HUDSON: Two successes and three threats.

NICK: Cool. The successes, as he bumps into you, you feel his hand kind of snake into your fanny pack and it pulls out your data breaker, and he is quietly tucking it into his shirt, and then he sees you make eye contact. “Cool thanks! Nice meting you!” And he trips you, and you fall prone. [dramatic bass noise] And then he takes off down the hallway running.

HUDSON: “HK, catch him!”

NICK: And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode!

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: Oh no! [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

CAMERON: That person’s gonna die.

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and will make the squad giggle like school children when we read them. If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites: Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Build-A-Beru which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad, and join our Discord and share all of your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.